I think I am slowly slipping into insanity

huh?

 

lmao troll

 

Mumbo.....I appreciate the response, but I have always assumed that the visions/demons weren't real, but there was always something in the back of my mind that said "what if?" Sometimes I imagine "what if all this shit is real, and I'm the only person who sees it?" I would never follow through with or act on any of my thoughts or urges to hurt family members. I know it's just some fukt up shit in my head that used to cause some paranoia and/or anxiety. Now it's more entertaining than frightening.

 

I know exactly what you mean. To be able to laugh at that shit is a step in the right direction. I always take the attitude that I'm the one creating the demons so they don't have any power over me - I'm the one who decides whether they're real or not.

 

Yeah I'm always laughing and shaking my head thinking "damn......I'm fukt up in the head". hahaha and it's some funny shit, when I really think about it. It is cool to think about the fact that nobody will ever understand the shit that goes on in my head. I'll never understand what goes on in other peoples' heads either, but it's just tripped out to think about how someone else would react if they were having the same fukt up thoughts and visions as me. lol

 

Again, I know excatly what you mean. I get some fucked up shit going through my mind - even when I'm not on drugs. I'm used to it though. It's like a daily part of life for me now, but if ever anyone were to get into my mind and experience the world like I do, I'm sure it would be the mind-fuck of their lives. Probably the same would be true of me peering into other people's minds too.

 

with me, it feels like the only thing that could ever defeat my mind is stress. Nothing else could make me cry except for stress, its a killer. I often feel like im going insane, just the thought patterns, you almost feel like you think too much. But really this feeling is what makes people aware. In my experience the most laid back were the most irresponsible. IMO

 

Yeah stress is a bitch. I have general anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder, and I get so anxious sometimes that I start to get really angry and think of ways I could murder someone, for stress relief, and get away with it. My mind always moves a million miles per minute and that's probably the worst thing for someone like me. It only adds to the stress, which adds to the crazy thoughts, which adds to the stress, and so on. It's like a chain reaction of fukt up shit. On the surface, I'm one of the most laid back individuals you'll ever meet, but in my mind......homicidal thoughts and illogical solutions for over-examined problems.

 

i also have social anxiety, it can REALLY interfear with "normal" life, i understand completely, ive tried takes benzos for it, toking for it, drinking for it, but it never went away, i felt like i was the only one within the group that had a "problem", but once i started recongnizing that most people in the world had this problem, it started to fade. I looked at most of my friends, really they are all irresponsible teenagers. I love it though. I feel like im the most responsible person their. Honestly i feel like i have the same anxiety problem as you, but its too confusing to put into text, its something that your mind comes to realize once you discovered the problem and there will never be a solution. its only life, and that what god or what ever gave to us, one of our life goals is to really find out who YOU are. WOOT FOR DRUNK RAMBLE LOLZORZ

EDIT: i also am considered as one of the most laid back people also, but to me its the complete opposite, i over analyze every...fucking...thing... it all comes with trying to disolve yourself with society, which is something you do not want to do. I can tell from your posts that you are intellegent, and also have alot of experience whether it be from normal life or chemicals, it all goes to one place, your mind. All those cliche lines you hear like, grass is always greener on the other side, all those fucking cliches are true, its hard to grasp sometimes, and im still on the verge of realizing, but it comes one step at a time, just dont stop being urself <- best cliche line of them all
also im not tryin to sound like im preaching, but just relating. :cheers2:

 

Dude you described me, perfectly. hahaha I know what you mean. I analyze EVERYTHING; whether it be the actions of others, or my reactions to others. I always suspect underlying reasons for everything anyone does, and I never trust that they like/love me. I always think they keep me around for selfish reasons, like they have something to gain from me being there and I NEVER think anyone is being completely honest with me. The feeling that someone is out to get me is always present. I've had a kinda fukt up life and the drugs don't help, I'm sure. Honestly though, I'd rather be the way I am than any other way. It's better to have too many problems than to have a boring life, I suppose. haha I'll always be me:sifone:

 

Yeah its a fucked up problem. But the more i recognized that i had this problem the more i realized that i didn't.. its a very strange thought to think, but it works for me. I believe its something that you have to get over, most of my friends who i thought were very confident, and knew exactly waht to say, really didnt know anything. They were just bullshitting everything. They had no common sense. Of course this isnt for everyone, some of my friends are absolutely brilliant in my eyes. Just realize that its all you, no matter waht anyone thinks says does its all fucking you. You live in your body, you know whats for you and what isnt. Listen to that little voice inside your head that says wahts wrong and whats right, intuition. Its common sense at its fullest, sometimes it can be thought of as paranoia by some people but really its your common sense. I hope that helps, it helped with me, obviously we wont be in the exact same boat here, but this just some friendly advice that helped me out.

 

Yeah I think I'm to the point where it doesn't seem like a problem anymore. It can become a problem in the wrong situation though. I'm still a little sick in the head, I guess you could say, but I've learned to appreciate it and kinda explore it, as opposed to trying to block it and/or change it. I'm gonna have these thoughts anyway, so why fight it?

As for my friends and the people around me......I've never had issues with their common sense. I've had more issues with the fact they they were naive as hell and I always viewed them as sheltered rich kids who don't know what it's like to struggle/suffer. My closest friends have recently learned what it's like to struggle though. They still have rich families and shit, so they're still not deprived of anything they need, but they have had legal troubles and addiction problems and have realized that life is hard, which they never HAD to realize before. I don't feel quite so fukt up, knowing I'm not the only one who has troubles, legal or otherwise.

 

We're all MAD here, Brian. Join us, [in]sanity is not so bad.