i'm a waste of oxygen

its that freaking mass murder mentality that will get you in trouble

 

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yeah that's never happened...

 

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huh?

 

heres the thing.. i feel i'm being munipultive by asking for help.. and telling people whats going on.. but its how i feel.

not really the case.. i just don't get it.. i'd be perfectly happy being a mother and "housewife". i get too stressed out by trying to be "normal".

my other 2 kids are with their paternal grandparents because their father refused to take them when i left. they grandparents filed for custody, so i probably have no rights to them anymore. when i call and talk to my kids, my daughter whines for me to come get her, she doesn't want to live with them. my son doesn't care either way, and i honestly think he's happier with them.

my mom and older brother suggested i let him have custody of my 4yr old daughter for only a year. i agreed because i can't work and watch a 4yr old or afford daycare so i can work. i'm not sure what happened but thats just not going to happen now. my 4yr old told me she doesn't want to live with him, she wants to stay with me.

so thats what i told my dad, he changed his mind about me staying there. he said if it's jut me, i can still come there. just total bullshit.

i've now had a headache for i think 2 weeks. i lost track. i've been having chest pains, which i'm sure isn't good. probably made worse by stress. i'm not really even sure why i'm even going back to cali. i want to see my kids, thats about it. i don't really want to go to a homeless shelter. they'll just force me onto welfare again. i was on it before and couldn't make ends meet. i've been seriously thinking about finding a commune to live on, but it hasn't been easy. i'm afraid too that they'd all just see me as a burden.
i'm at a loss.

 

How about working and having them subsidize your living ... and daycare... that could work. Get a doctor to support this, tell him how you are overwhelmed etc.... maybe you can have some type of medical supplement to your income when you work.....I know the US may be entirely different than Canada though.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

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thats what i was doing before i left. my mom kept telling me i needed to hurry and leave so she could get her house ready for her .. ugh.. some ASSHOLE thats in prison to come live with her.

i was paying all her bills and buying all the food. still i had nothing.

subsidized housing is a joke.. i got on the list in 1999! as far as i know.. i'm still on it. but i'm not handicap. (sorry to sound racist) i'm not mexican or black. i'm not a drug addict. (everyone that i've known that actually recieved help was either mexican and could barely speak english, black, handicap or an "ex"drug addict).. single white mother.. didn't seem like they were ever going to help me no matter how much i bugged them. when i got evicted from the low income apartment i was in.. they wouldn't help me. they gave me a phone number for a homeless shelter and told me good luck.

i don't get it. am i that stupid? seems the harder i try .. the more stressed out i get.. the more headaches.. the more my heart hurts. the less i see my kids.. the more my family tries to push me away.

 

I'd be more than happy to beat it to those pics.......

 

you always know how to make a lady feel better

 

stretch marks are not a turn off to me..... I've seen plenty. thats not what I'm looking at anyways :sunglasse

 

Hey, what's wrong with stretch marks and suckled nipples? I think they're sexy.

 

...

 

then, i stick my pink little goat penis into your hairy wet... :&
oh wait this is the wrong thread...

on an a nearly entirely different subject due to the amount of responses you recieved for naked pics, perhaps you should do some nude modelling for extra $$

 

i already tried that. had a bunch of nude pictures taken when i was pregnant.. sorta weird to think of strange men wacking it to my naked self

 

you get used to it...

 

no thanks. however i decided long ago that if i ever got really fat i'd be a nude model.