I'm gonna be late for work because....

welfare gets more than me

 

My sundial doesn't work on cloudy days.

 

on my way to work I hit a fish and had to take it to hospital

 

americas most wanted is at my door

 

had to help out a criping crapple

 

I dont know what Ive been told.

 

theres a new shoe shop in my way in, and its a sin to drive past it

 

I was watching the Simpson's.

 

I had an out of body experience in the bathroom

 

I learned the meaning of meaning nothing

 

I was smoking and forgot..

 

my sat nav is a lier

 

all my clothes shrunk in the wash!!!!!

 

I laid 100 mini eggs

 

hot dog eating contest

 

my car suddenly turned into a spaceship and I ended up on uranus

 

Im participating in a sacrifice

 

Its snowing and I don't have snow tires on my car...

 

My laptop is too heavy so I can't get off the couch. I'm pinned!

 

I'm being held hostage by hostile leprechauns.