I'm ok with husand loving another woman

thank for the diagnosis but i know how to forgive and like you i have forgiven my ex too, whatever made you think i didn't have the ability to forgive ?you know believe it or not i am a human too....and if i chose not to accept infidelity in my relationships how does that make me an angry person who doesn't know how to forgive???just as you allow your partner to cheat and try to redeem himself i choose to not let any one betray me like that....

 

there is tone in yelling how can you hear or determine tone by what one types?????

 

i can forgive, and have done so in the past...not that it changed anything. depending on the type of relationship i have with a man, i can share too. i'd love to live in a poly household where everybody loves everybody. don't think it's likely or practical, but it would be great. the thing is though, i'm not willing to have my whole life screwed up over a guy chasing off after someone else. not willing to have my home torn apart and end up with nothing, starting over again. been there, done that, not doing it again. so i would have to proceed cautiously in any type of relationship that involves living together, relying on each other, or sharing expenses, etc. there are practical considerations that make that sort of situation undesirable. mixing love and survival can screw you over good when the emotions cool, and not everyone has the integrity to see to it that an ex's life isn't destroyed when they're ready move on. when you're young it's hard to believe a man can appear to genuinely love you and yet drop you without a second thought when they develop feelings for someone new, but it happens all the time. this is especially bad when children are involved.

 

Capital letters is the way I assume. Maybe I have assumed wrong. If so I am sorry. You are right about not knowing who you are or what you believe in. Turn it around now and see that you were doing the same thing to me at first. It wasn't an opinion that you were giving-it was you implying that I couldn't possibly feel this way because my husband cheated on me...My husband is just now starting to talk to her again after 10 months of no contact with her at all. He quit talking to her for me. It is me who is convincing him now that it is ok-he doesn't want to hurt me and I don't feel anything like I did before.
So, with that-no one feels anything tword anyone else here. It's a topic that obviously hits people different ways. Some of like it, some of us don't.

 

Humans are not monogamous by nature.

That is a social construct. Just like Hollywood Romance.

 

sure it is, but if you're arguing that it is a bad idea on that basis alone, i couldn't buy it. there are many social constructs that we have to exercise self-discipline to practice. for instance, there is a social construct that murder is bad, and that we should suppress our natural drive to be physically aggressive towards others. obviously humans have a strong desire to destroy competitors and people who just generally piss us off. but we've decided en masse that it's not a good idea. i think suppressing and channeling your sex drive is desirable as well, to some extent. what many disagree on is...to what extent?

 

Murder is physical harm. Do you want to be murdered? I doubt it.

Do you want to fuck or be fucked? I'd say...usually.

Channeling sex is good, but the "monogamy" of our society with the Prince Charming and fake Hollywood b.s. HURT OUR CULTURE and humankind as a whole.

You can love many people and things.

Our society has created a culture of JEALOUSY and POSSESSIVENESS ("my girl" and "my man" as if we are MERE PROPERTY) and we called it "love" ...

It's not.

 

I use to see it that way.....I can see now that I thought I owned my husband in our first 20 years together. That is why I was jealous. I was awakened when I found out he loved someone else too. I was very concerned of what people would think if I even mentioned it. I havn't told anyone that I know personally they would all flip. I love having this free feeling. Not having to worry about him lying to me like before because now he can tell me anything. I have made a 180 on this. I think both of us have in a way. It is hard to explain when so many things have changed in us as individuals and as a couple. The great thing about this is we both like it. We only live one life so we have decided that this is the next half of our life. We lived in a monogomous relationship and now are exploring other things. It is exciting and to be doing this with someone who means so much to me. Who knew this is where we would be headed.

 

right, but if you become a family...a survival unit...allowing your lust to lead you around by the nose...abandoning family who rely on you in order to pursue your lustful desires...that is b.s. also. there's gotta be an obtainable middle ground in there somewhere. people shouldn't enter into social contracts they don't have any serious intentions of keeping. yes, we can love many people and things...but we all have finite years of life, energy and resources to share with family members. and far too often children end up getting the short end of the stick. there is such a thing as just being greedy and stupid too. and i've seen it amongst monogamous and polygamous people. it isn't uncommon to hear them blather on about wanting their 'freedom' either. it just doesn't impress me. if you want absolute freedom, don't marry anyone, don't make promises to them, don't allow them to depend on you for anything, don't live with them, don't have any financial involvement with them, don't have children with them...in fact, get fixed so you can't possibly have kids. then go play to your heart's content. *shrug* where's the problem?

 

what about men and women who really feel monogomous? We're not all the same. Monogomous people force ideals on people who are not, but it's the same way in reverse. Polygamy people tell me my relationship is already ruined and I'm fooling myself to stay with the one I love and would give my life for, when I can just have sex (which Always sucked when I wasn't in love)

My unmonogomous friends tell me, who cares who cheats, it's natural, but ya know what, IT'S NOT FOR ME!!!. I just love him, my fiance, and him me. I hate polygamy fuckers who say we're doomed (not invited to the wedding) and we won't intensely love eachother for all of our days. fuck them. we will fight, but most importantly we will love, and each other exclusivesly. I have no interest in another or I would dump him.

so where does this leave us. We're all different? I hope so....

and this is not an attak on polygamy. it's an attack on them who say they are right and we are fooling eachother into a love that only binds two. I have many loves, but the love for my man is alone and only for him. the love for friends is different.

 

...And they lived happily ever after. *Hollywood music*

 

don't forget, romantic love existed looooonngg before hollywood movies came along.

 

I didn't mean to offend you in any way but your post exude anger.

 

thats all you can say? bullshit. happily ever after? what couple actually has a perfect happily ever after? whether your polyagist or not...

fuck. get real.

 

what is offensive is how people in this forum ASSUME that if you write in caps or use an exclamation point here and there THEY are trying to exude anger.....usually not the case with me if i were angry trust me you would know by my words not my PUNCTUATION.

 

lol, thats not offensive, its common internet usage taht fully capitalized words like ASSUME and PUNCTUATION and THEY are equivalent to shouting in real life. on forums and in chat rooms, thats the common usage of fully capitalized letters. and for most folk, shouting correlates with anger

 

tHaNkS fOr ThE lEsSoN, I hOweVeR aM nOt A cOnFoRmISt.fRoM ThIS pOsT CaN yOu TeLl mY mOoD?and anything i find offensive is offensive , what you may think is offensive i may not think is offensive, get it.

 

Wow, mlee, I am beginning to see that no matter what anyone says you will have something negative to say. To tell you the truth, I really don't care. Life is too short to be miserable. And yes, I can tell what mood you were in, I think everyone who reads this can see it. You should go back over things, reread and see that by what you write you are coming over as someone who thinks they know everything and could care less what others have to say even when it will help you.

 

why is it negative???i have tried to stay on topic but everyone is so quick to lable me a trouble maker when expressing my views..the way i see it, is that we all have a right to speak from our hearts and from our own personal experiences, whether you agree with me or not...i have never name called or resorted to bashing another forum member, that is not me. however i believe in what i believe in, i also respect other people"s belief no matter how much i may disagree, i wish i could say the same for some others in this forum.

 

Ok. I don't remember anyone labeling you as a trouble maker. You are an adult that can say whatever you want to say. Knowing that it won't sit well with everyone here. I knew that coming into this with a post about something very personal to me. I came here hoping that I wouldn't hear that I shouldn't be with my husband but knowing that I would. We have been through so much because of his affair. It still hurts sometimes and I will admit that it probably always will, because he lied to me. It had nothing to do with him sleeping with her.
I have a feeling it was me who you were talking about in your last sentence. I respect you more than you think because I have been where you have in the sense of cheating. I know what pain it causes and that it is something that does take a long time to move past. But, and here is where we divide, I like the fact that my husband can have another best friend. That is all there is too it. Not better or worse than you just different. Sorry if I have caused any hard feelings.