i'm scared to be myself

Maybe so but a good time can be had by all!

 

its ok some people dont like you even when your not being yourself...

 

he has a point. I've heard it put as 'no matter what you do or say, somewhere, you're going to offend someone, piss someone off and make them hate you. If you're friends with someone gay, some gay-basher's going to hate you, if you're friends with a white person or a black person, somebody somewhere's going to hate you for it. So if you're going to work on not offending someone, work on the only person whose opinion should really matter to you. Yourself. If you offend no one, eventually you're going to offend yourself, or be a shallow hypocrite. In which case, if you're a shallow hypocrite, congratiulations, you'll offend me.'

Rather rough and blunt, but it's why I liked the guy, he was honest to a fault.

Point is, be yourself, nobody really cares, and those that do, do they really matter. The people that want to be friends with you, and want to hang out with you are going to say 'well, she's like this. blah.' and deal with it..those that don't...fuck'em if they can't take a joke. Most important thing is your sensibilities. I'll speak from direct experince here...You can do whatever you like, and it doesn't affect my life. It's none of my business, until it comes into my front yard, my house and my life, it's going to remain none of my business. If someone tells me I have to change to suit them, then they can get on their knees and open wide, but they can suggest all they want, and If it's an honest suggestion, I'll look at it, and if I think it needs to change, I'll change it. But just 'because it offends someone' isn't a reason, so long as I'm not doing anything illegal. (don't get me started on civil disobeidence and just and unjust laws....I'll be here all day.) You're never going to win the popularity contest....neither is anyone else that's trying.

Take care of yourself, and let the rest of the world go fuck itself. I mean really, who 'needs' anyone else? Why look outside yourself for validation?

 

I think you rock, just thought I'd share.

 

awww, thanks. that just made my evening. it's been a rough day.

 

I feel similar. I find it easier to be my true self on forum where I can find like minded people who are more understanding, rather than people trying to mold me into them (well intentioned as they may be).

And from what I've seen so far, you're awesome.

And Born25YearsTooLate that's good advice.

 

i wasnt trying to feed you bullshit, its just how i have learned to be confident with myself...there was no need to get defensive towards my advice, it wasnt meant to be taken the way it was i guess. be you,be real and be happy.thats how i try to live, not necessarily the same way you do tho...take it in whatever context you want.

 

i'm sorry i came across so defensive. it was a bad day. it just felt like you were saying "just be real already, it's not hard, look at me, i've already done it, always done it, people love me, even though my mom shakes her head at me." again, i appologize, cause i tend to read between the lines sometimes. and really i'm quite envious that it's been so easy for you to just be yourself and just be real. my childhood was completely FUBAR, and it's made it very difficult for me to be open and vulnerable even enough to post deep things like i'm scared to be myself. it's a struggle every day to override the self hatred and feeling guilty and completely alone...

so i'm glad it's who you are and it's easy for you. it's what i'm trying to do each day as well, but i've had some stuff that makes it hard. that's all i was trying to say. sorry i was kinda a snipey bitch.

 

i agree. however, i seem to do it extremely well on the internet, and have much difficulty with it in "real life."

 

the internet makes it easy, because it takes away the race, the culture, and makes it easy for us to celebrate people for being the assholes they really are.

 

... no awkward silences either

 

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ummm......somebody say something?

 

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.... What aweful weather we're having eh?

.... ?

 

In all this i think attatchment is key, .. to ideas and beliefs, judgements about who we think we are, who we think we should be ... who 'others' are and who we think they should be. I feel i'm entering a phase of ... forgiveness, and i feel it's just natural to feel it as you become less dominated by thought and all the patterns of thinking that go along with thinking, like being freed from mental bondage. Judgement naturally ceases without the frame of mind that creates it and a peace and warmth replaces it.
Yet this process of raising awareness goes mutch deeper to the core, where eventually you have to let go of some very rigid beliefs .. like that you are mortal and will die and leave everything, less confined by thought and ego you realise your connectedness with everyone, everything and at some point perhaps one may let go of all ideas of attatchments, all inibitions about who one should be, ... and let go of the little 'I', and become the big 'I', .. the we, the whole. That brings a new angle on 'i am what i am' ... yet it's the same you that you always were and nobody can take that away from you. It's like ... just don't bother judging and be happy. I was saying recently about focusing on who people are ...instead of who they're not, ie, not being pointlessly critical of their ways and habits ... not being attatched to defending a point of view, ... not even really having an opinion.

 

How are you not yourself?

 

Ah, this reminds me of my true confession

For me, spending time alone, and doing everything alone, has become really, really habit forming. I am trying everyday to change my outlook and open up to people.. even to go hangout with my old friends again. it is just very hard (for me) to let people matter, put time and effort into them, and actually build relationships.

it scares me in a way, I was hoping this was just a phase, but it's been dragging on for years now.

anyway, you are not the only one with these problems I hope you feel better :grouphug:

 

I feel you there....especially when you do let others in, love them unconditionally and soon realize that they aren't the "loving" people you thought they were. It hurts so much more to come to that conclusion with those you are close to, rather than those you aren't. After experiencing this multiple times it just becomes somewhat difficult to completely open yourself up to others. I'm the same way (if that's the way you are), but the beauty in that is, pending we aren't just being duped again our relationships are usually that much more meaningful/strong. For that very reason I hate not being myself (or putting on any false persona)....because then I'd be putting others in the same situation I hate being put in myself. Perhaps just thinking in that way would help? That "way" simply being do onto others as you would have done unto yourself. (ie. you'd hate for others to be fake around you and vice-versa)

Sounds like metaprogramming......I've never tried it in a "programing" sense, however I have sat and "meditated" if you will on many situations. Often times that's the best "medication" for any personality related issues you feel you must deal with. Just take a good 3rd person perspective on your own situation, point out what you feel is wrong, find out why it is wrong, look for a solution, then act upon it.

 

I feel like i'm right with you on that whole journey. I'm getting better at just being, rather than trying to be. Like you said, the dreadlock journey helped, and same with hipforums. If you accept that nothing that you're worried about when you're hiding yourself ultimately really matters at all, and that we are all just ONE, everything just kind of falls into place. And I know that even in knowing these truths, it can still be hard sometimes. I found that if I start to get anxious or feel like I can't just be, then I just think to myself "it doesn't matter." or something along the lines of that. It usually helps a lot more than you'd think!

 

it is a commom fear we have. Discover yourself and be yourself. We must be genuinus.

 

hey naked... i am stealling what you said in post number 7...my best friend really needs to hear it! thank you