What does the world's top dentist get? A little plaque. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breathe, man! Breathe!" What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other's a little lighter. How does a farmer mend his overalls? With cabbage patches. Why was the tomato red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing? Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway. Police advise citizens to look out for a group of hardened criminals. I saw a movie about how ships are put together. It was riveting.
What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go straight for the juggler. Why did the taxi driver get fired? Passengers didn't like it when she went the extra mile. What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away. What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course! How does a dog stop a video? By hitting the paws button!
A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. - The librarian says, "This is a library. "The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please." A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!" A group of crows was arrested for hanging out together. The charge? Attempted murder. I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it. People think "icy" is the easiest word to spell. Come to think of it, I see why.
Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here." A grasshopper sits down at a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies, "Who names a drink 'Steve?'"
What's the easiest way to get straight A’s? Use a ruler. What's a balloon's least favourite type of music? Pop.
