Is all physical punishment abusive ?????

Well said! Abuse only creates fear and dishonestity. If a child is abused they will fear the abuser and will hide things from them. The teen years will be tough because the child will be hiding things and behaviors from his/her parents. I just wish that abusers never reproduce!

 

how would you know? did you ever try it? consistently? Talking works great at any age, you just have to know how to say things, and you do have to repeat yourself a billion times sometimes. Long before children can talk, they do understand what you say to them. You don't debate with the child, that won't work. That's still a control thing. You discuss with the child, you don't tell the child what to do. You work together to find a solution to any situation that both sides can be happy with. It's a lot harder to parent respectfully, it takes a lot more time and effort, but it is very much worth it when you know your children respect you in return. Bottom line is I treat my children the way I want them to treat other people. I don't have to hit them and call it some nice euphimism like "physical instruction" that hides the fact that it's still hitting. I don't want my kids thinking it's okay to ever hit someone, as long as you are bigger than they are. I respect my children and they respect me for it.

 

Some sharp movements can be used for good, and CAN be out of love...a few occasions spring to mind

When i was about 6, whilst walking with my mum, i saw a used condom on the floor. Obviously, not knowing what it was, i bent down to pick it up and have a look. My mum spotted me and quickly jerked my arm back up and said "NO!" very, very loudly and curtly.

THAT saved a small child from a huge risk

Another time i was playing with my eyes, making them twist about and things, when i was only tiny. Again my mum grabbed my arms and put them away from my face, and said "NEVER play with your eyes"

These were very rare occasions, which is why i remember them with such clarity, and which is in turn proof they did the job. To this day i will never play with my eyes

HOWEVER, i do NOT ever agree with the use of paddles, belts or fists, under ANY circumstances. I am talking about MOVEMENTS here, not hits or smacks. I do not agree with smacking. These are tiny human beings, for Gods sake

I will never hit my child

 

Uh, why would a condom, on you own floor, be dangerous? My kids found one, once, and I explained what it was for. It was a "Teaching moment." Not a "NO" moment. As for the eyes thing, there is nothing a child can do to herself, that is harmful. I can't see how hitting or even being physically "jerking" a child, in a violent manner, is better than the natural course of how these really INCIDENTAL situations could have tunred out.

Hitting and "spanking" are the same thing. WHY? Because everyone draws a line in a differnt place ("It's a spank if it doesn't leave a mark", "It isn't hitting, if I wasn't angry." and all manner of bullshit.) In reality, there IS NO LINE, if you touch a child, with any ill intent, or any violence, it is HITTING. That is the way the child sees it, and that is the way it is. Children learn NOTHING from hitting. Except how to be good liars, and how to not get caught.

It amazes me, in this day and age, that people are still defending abusive parents.

There is only one thing to say to this. Sometimes relatively good people still do BAD things. No one hits a child and does a "good" thing. A hitting parent doesn't mean they are "all bad" but, only that they had a LOT of room for improvement. Good people CAN and do do bad things. But, after one realizes this, there should be NO MORE hitting.

 

I'll explain one situation I had recently where talking to a 3 year old helped make the situation smoother than just yelling/swatting/etc.

I was walking in the mall with the boy I babysit and Moire. He's three years old. We'd been there for a while, looking at toys, having lunch, bought an ice cream cone, and as we passed the gum ball machines, he screamed that he wanted one. I told him no. And he went limp and started to cry. I could have yelled, swatted him, or any other number of things. Instead, I picked him up, placed him on the closest bench, had him look me in the eye while I held his hand, and asked him what was the matter. Did he really want the gumball? No. He was tired and didn't want to be in the mall anymore. So, I told him we could leave and do something else. He was happy and we continued on our way.

 

Im not sure you read me properly. I am actually on your side as far as hitting/spanking are concerned, which would be why i said "i would never hit a child" or something like that


Re the condom, we were IN THE STREET. Which would be why we were walking hand in hand. Why would this be dangerous? Please

 

OK, Verseau, I did misread you. You said "floor" which I assumed was the floor at home. Yes, a condom, in a public place IS nasty, and I wouldn't let my child touch one. Yuck. But, it can still be a teaching moment, as to birth control, sex, and littering. (Why do people throw condoms in the street? Can't they just wrap them in Kleenex or plastic or something until they get to their home?)

I did read where you said you would never hit your babies, and I applaud you for it.

But, I do think we need to stop defending our parents if they did hit us. Like I said, GOOD people CAN to bad things. In these instances, an other tactic could have been used to teach a child things. I am, however, so glad you know you will not hurt your child.

Please forgive my misunderstanding of the "floor" "ground" misunderstanding.

 

Its ok, i can see how the misunderstanding could be caused

But in my eyes im not defending a mother who hit, im defending a mother who was very apt, with quick reactions, who was able to protect her child by physical means (other than hitting, simply an arm movement) from serious danger. In that situation i was so little and so close to the ground that a few words wouldnt have stopped me from reaching the ground

I do however fully agree with you...perhaps WORDS and if shed picked me up or something rather than that movement would have done the job. Youre completely right, she didnt use the moment to teach when she could have. I was the youngest of five and my mum was 42 when she had me, and i did find i got less attention (she was also going through a very tough divorce) I fully agree, more gentle teaching could have been done

Of course i would never hit my babies. And on reflection i think what i respected was her quickness and her alertness to danger, not her way of handling it. So thank you. Youve made me think a little deeper