Just a note to all you ladies and fellas who

so the fuck what? I am still trying to understand what is so wrong with facing and compensating for childhood issues as an adult? and trust me sweets I am pretty giving in a way that you may have never comprehended because you've never had a girl like me.

 

I don't consider myself high maintenance at all (a little emotionally demanding...but not unreasonably so). I wash my hair every other day, absolutely hate how tedious it is to make it look decent...any hairstyle that takes me longer than 5 minutes to do is either for a special event or when I'm really wanting to look good for some weird reason. It takes me about 3 minutes to put on make-up (eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara, that's it, but my complexion certainly thanks me for it, lol). And as far as clothing goes, I wear what's comfortable. If it takes me longer than half an hour to get ready in the morning, I've taken way too long. Haha.

With that said, that doesn't mean I have any problem with girls that are high maintenance, I actually envy people with the patience to make sure their hair looks good and accessorize and junk. I haven't got the patience to do any of that.

Guys have always loved me because it usually takes them longer to get ready than I do and they never have to wait on me. But sometimes I don't feel as pretty as the girls who do their hair just right and have fashionable clothing. I suppose that's just the media bleeding into my brain, but I feel really self-conscious around my boyfriend's sister. She and I graduated together, she was a cheerleader, I was a drama nerd hippie. Her hair was always perfect, mine was lucky if it saw a brush more than once before school and once after. She was always wearing really nice stuff, I was always in sneakers, band tees, and baggy jeans.

Not much has changed and I suppose that while I could do something about my insecurities, as low as stuff like that knocks my self-esteem, I can't bring myself to spend hours on my make up and hair every morning, or to bring in a decent income so I can buy nice clothes. I guess that just isn't me. It's weird, though...I feel all awkward in my own skin. I'm 19, I shoulda gotten over that stage long ago. I miss the kid I used to be...never worried about my weight or my thighs or how anyone but me saw me. Stupid media drilling into girls' brains...before I got into high school, I had the world's highest self-esteem. Now I can't even look people in the eye.

Bah, sorry bout that, didn't mean to turn it into a complete rant...hehe.