Keeping up lsd usage

I AGREE. Good words brotha

 

wtf has happend here while i was gone.

arguements

well i have been living sober, 6 or 8 weeks sober maybe more. except for alchole of course.

its like i have this feeling like i need the drugs to retain some of who i am. in that the drugs were my personaility for so long, and now there gone. i still have alot of personality, but im feeling mildly nervous or some crap.
and you know i have this girlfriend now that doesnt want me to do any drugs, and i havent even seen alot of my friends much at all.
they think iv lost it, from one time i saw them a few weeks ago.
but im fuckin sick of them and there shit, and just need to regather everything
iv been hangin out with like my gf alot and some other differnt people.

the things now bad is my memory and knowing whats going on. me and my gf pick up baby from childcare just about every afternoon, and each time i dont know the way, its a 4-5 minit drive. today we were fighting and we were silent in the car, and i kept driving without saying anything, and finally she says, "do you even know where your going". i had gotten completly lost. and it makes her sad that im like that.
and it makes me sad.
i told her it would take maybe 100 times or so till i remmebr. and i even have a gps device in my car cause i never know directions. i still get lsot tho.

 

I think you should stop with alcohole too for some time. You need to find yourself again, you need to have at least a picture who you should be. You need to find the magic witch is all around you, you just need to look for them on a different way. Do you love your gf or you are with her just to have some company and pussy? If you really love her, that should be all the magic you need, just recognize it. If not....what I can say, you are living some ones else's life and obviously it doesn't feel good. What do you like, try to explain to your self what do you like, and try to do those things that make you happy. Come on man, live is so beautifull, how can't you see that!

 

you're fried out bro.

but dont worry. the human mind is amazingly resilient. Just keep on staying sober and putting in the effort, and you WILL bounce back.

 

Yeah, you need to seriously detox and let your brain rebuild some of the wiring you melted . When you feel normal again, you can start slowly doing drugs again, but I would never recommend doing as much as you've done.

 

i liked her alot at first. now i think its just a way to help me stop the drugs for a while, its a change in my life. and i havent had much relationships, so i consider it 'practice' for other relationships. that sounds bad. but i really dont know how i feel.

i found a new way to fry my brain. Playing grand theft auto 4 all day and night. my brain is fried from it. and my girlfriend is chucking a skitz. i done at least minimum 15 hours and i got it yesterday. 15 hours which doesnt include the unsaved bits and multiplayer. farkk. its a good game tho. hadnt played games for months and months before this.

 

I didn't ask you do you like her, I asked you do you love her. Those are 2 different things. You see, you can love somebody but you don't need to like him.

Anyway, playing games is at least step up from alcohol and drug abuse. Keep doing what makes you happy, create your new personality as you are not sure who you actully are. Once you find again who you are, everything is much easier.

 

trouble is i never knew who i was. i never had an identity, i never had a specific personality. when i took drugs, i took them in hope of changing who i was cause i hated who i was. and it was successfull i changed soooo much. not taking drugs now i feel like im going insane. its hard to cope with 'normal' even tho i feel far from that. i think i just need a toke of some weed just somthing. im spinning out from no drugs in a way mroe than when i was on them.
and having a girlfriend is sooo much work and hassle. she constantly wants to do shit and is calling me and gets shitty.
and now im startin to feel like a differnt person around her, im starting to get weird on her, i would go home and look at my phone or think a thought and it would be skewed way out of my understanding, its confusing.
i do but i dont want to smoke weed at least.
then its like i could trip this weekend. but i dont but i do, will it fix everything, give me that spark that edge towards life. give me my 'weird' personailty which i had become to relly on and be happy with. it was who i was. see its a psychological mess.
and my brain is gettin worse not better, and things are stressfull now. i think its like now i have to deal with everyday life. havent done that in years.
im in a limbo where i dont know to go up down or this way or that way. everything is just whatever because im to lost to have an opinion or hold enough somthing to get angry or somthing on.
and how will drugs fix any of this? i ask myself. hmmm.
just need that one big escape away. escapade' into the depths of my mind.
i talk alot of crap here. dont think im a dickhead im holding myself good enough in this world right now. its ok.
maybe its like my reality is boring now after having my mind constantly tingled with those drugs.

 

Reality is the one bitch you can't dump my friend. Gotta learn to deal with it sober before you go dealing with it high.