Let's talk.

That's good to here, she was always pleasant and courteous

 

She is well loved. xxx

 

Talk of the devil and who should appear, Hello Mystic

 

She heard us. xxxx

 

Hi there Mystic
I am doing just fine thanks, happily "chugging along"
How about yourself?

 

A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First bl*wjob!" The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me." The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"

 

Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose. Student: So you're saying that sperm has sugar in it? Teacher: Technically. Yes. Student: But it doesn't even taste like that... Teacher: what? Student: what?

 

Husband and wife decide to make a password for s*x, they decide on 'washing machine'. Later in bed that night husband says, "Washing machine." Wife replies, "Not tonight darling I have a sore head." Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says, "Washing machine." Husband replies, "To late it was only a small load so I decided to do it by hand."

 

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you." Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'"

 

Girl: Baby im wet.
Boy: Want a paper towel?
Girl: No, i want more then that
Boy: Want 2 paper towels?
Girl: No, baby i want sumthing big and round
Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?

 

One misty Scottish morning a man was driving down from Wick to Inverness. Suddenly, out of the mist, a huge red-haired man stepped into the middle of the road. The man was about six foot three and built like a brick shithouse. He had a huge red beard and despite the wind, mist, and near-freezing temperatures was only wearing his kilt and a tweed shirt.

At the roadside, there also stood a young woman. She was absolutely beautiful. The car driver's attention was dragged from the girl when the Highlander opened the car door and dragged him from the seat on to the road.

"Right, you!" he shouted. "I want you to masturbate."

"But," stammered the driver.

"Now, or I'll bloody kill you," said the Scotsman.

So the driver turned his back on the girl, dropped his trousers, and started to jerk off. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this only took a few seconds.

"Right," said the Highlander, "do it again!"

"But," said the driver.

"Now!"

So the driver did it again.

"Right, do it again," demanded the Highlander.

This went on for nearly two hours. The driver had cramps in both arms and had rubbed himself raw. Despite the mist and wind, he had collapsed in a sweating, gibbering heap on the ground, unable to walk.

"Do it again," said the Highlander.

"I just can't any more. You'll just have to kill me," whimpered the man.

The Highlander looked down at the pathetic heap slumped on the roadside.

"All right," he said. "NOW you can give my daughter a lift to Inverness."

 

No talk?

Need a joke?

 

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

 

Two guys went to a petrol station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their petrol and went to pay the male attendant.

"I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you win free sex."

"Okay," agreed one of the guys, "I guess seven."

"Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant.

The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.

"Two!" said the second guy.

"Sorry, it's three, said the attendant. "Come back and try again."

As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, "I think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said his buddy. "My wife won twice last week."

 

Time for bed said Zebedee.

 

I lost morning.
If anyone has seen it, can I have it back. Lol

 

Covid: Three-tier lockdown system to be unveiled in England

On Saturday, officers broke up a party of as many as 100 students at a property in south Manchester, issuing seven fines and a noise abatement order. This is where things are getting weird.



​

 

I looked everywhere. lol

 

OMG! Can I come?