Let's talk.

https://i.chzbgr.com/full/955321318...on-floor-inreturn-iwill-protect-bad-guys-deal

 

Vlad just paste the code in the envelope. xxx

 

i.chzbgr.com/full/9553213696

 

A man takes a lady out for dinner for the first time. Later, they go on to a show. The evening is a huge success and as he drops her at her door he says, "I have had a lovely time. You looked so beautiful, you remind me of a beautiful rambling rose. May I call on you tomorrow?" She agrees and a date is made.

The next night he knocks on her door and when she opens it she slaps him hard across the face. He is stunned. "What was that for?" he asks.

She says, "I looked up rambling rose in the encyclopaedia last night and it said: 'Not well suited to bedding, but is excellent for rooting up against a garden wall'."

 

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar
And stared up at the TV.
The 10 PM news was coming on.
The news crew was covering the story
Of a man on the ledge of a large building
Preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said,
"Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said,
"You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied,
"Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said,
"You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar,
The guy on the ledge
Did a swan dive off the building,
Falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset,
But willingly handed her $20 to Bob.
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied,
"I can't take your money.
I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news,
So I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied,
"I did, too,
But I didn't think he'd do it again."
Bob took the money.

 

Lost in translation - real signs from around the world:

Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

Athi River highway (main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi): TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

Kencom poster: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

Cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Swiss restaurant menu: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Yugoslavia hotel: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Japan hotel: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Lobby of Moscow hotel: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Sign in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Zurich hotel: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Rome laundry: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

 

Japan hotel tho...

 

Trust you. lol

 

I coughed at work. Don't know why. Went to the CoViD clinic and got a test. Results in a few days. It was a weird tickle in my throat. And that was it. I went home halfway into the day, called the doctor, and went to the aforementioned clinic. I hope they get the results sooner than later. It's sort of dinging my pay..

And my girlfriend amazes me. I hope she knows... I tell her all the time, but she probably thinks I'm just saying that.

Anyway, life is so underrated.

We take everything for granted. Especially our health.

I have for the most part taken CoViD-19 seriously. I wear a mask and gloves too out of an abundance of caution, but also out of respect. I want to signal to everybody that this is real.

It's all the more real to me now. We always think we're so... invincible. We're not though.

Life is real. I can breathe and I'm lucky. I don't deserve it. But I'm happy and safe and in love. I am thankful.


Everybody be safe. You never know when veritably everything is going to up and change or flip upside down.

 

People only realise the good when either that are about to lose or have lost it.
Take every opportunity to tell the one you love that you love them.

As for covid and other things like this, people only believe when they experience it.

Have a great day.

 

Morning peeps happy humpy

 

Any scandal?

 

Nope. Sorry. Not been anywhere to generate any lol

 

gathering nuts in may ,we are now ready for November rain ,I no the winter is such a pain ,but may will soon be here again ,

 

Do you need some jokes?

 

Yes let's cheer everyone up

 

One liners and short jokes!
Following the comments on long and contrived jokes how about a section for short ones? Like 2 lines or less if possible

I'll kick things off with some light bulb jokes.

Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to hold the breasts, I mean ladder

Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to change it, one not to change it

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None, but it takes 15 to write a paper entitled “coping with darkness”.

Q: How many thriller writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two – one gets it almost all the way in, then the other comes along and applies a surprising twist at the end.

Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb in another divorced man’s house?
A: Yeah, like he gets the house!

Q: How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Fish.

Q: How many Matrix fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: There is no lightbulb…

Q: How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 10, 1 to change the light bulb, the other 9 to congratulate him down the pub.

Q: How many idiots does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 101, 1 to hold the bulb, the other 100 to push the house around!

Q: How many Blue Peter presenters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and the other to say “here’s one we did earlier”

Q: How many kids with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go ride bikes?

Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32…….

Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, you know.

Q: How many London taxi drivers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: What ? Go all the way up there and come back empty ? You must be jokin’ mate!

Q: How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Just One! They are efficient and don’t have a sense of humour!

Q: How many baby sitters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They don’t make Pampers small enough.

 

Time for bed said Zebedee.