Let's talk.

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The policeman said, "What's he like?" Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

 

You got it!!!

 

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card." A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, "What are you doing?" His father says, "I'm playing cards." "Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks. His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

 

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why. The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever. The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late. Johnny says, "I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late". The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal. The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day. He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?" Johnny replies, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."

 

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

 

Little Johnny asks the teacher, "Mrs Roberts, can I be punished for something I haven't done?" Mrs Roberts is shocked, "Of course not, Johnny, that would be very unfair!" Little Johnny is relieved, "OK Mrs Roberts, sorry, I haven't done my homework."

 

My teacher said, "If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier." I said, "I don't know about that Miss. Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder."

 

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN--PUT YO' DANCIN SHOES ON AND RAISE A LITTLE HELL!!!!!!!

 

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Vlad, I have a theme for you on my personal thread.
Gawd pay attention. xxxx

 

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: "Can I see your dad?" Johnny: "No, he's in the shower." Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?" Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too." Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?" Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."

 

Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?' 'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly. 'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?' 'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'

 

One day the teacher told her class to think of something exiting that happened recently. Little Suzie told about her trip to Florida. Clyde said his dad got drunk all the time. Little Johnny put a dot on the board and the teacher asked him to explain what was exciting about a period. He said: "Hell if I know but my sister said she missed hers and my mom screamed, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy nextdoor killed himself."

 

Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asks what's wrong. "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."

 

A priest asks Johnny if he's scared of Satan. Little Johnny says "I have nothing to be scared of you are the one that must be scared; you talk crap about him every Sunday..."

 

Who the hell is Johnny?

 

Back in '63, I lived in San Francisco for a while. I hung out at a lesbian bar which was across the street and down the block a bit. First few times I went in to shoot pool and have a few beers, I could feel some hostility. I mean the ladies had no idea about me and how I would act towards women. Since I minded my own bees wax and didn't try to hustle anyone and just gave respect as ordinary human beings, I was eventually accepted as a regular. Mind you--most gays and lebsians were pretty much still in "the closet "in those days. What BLEW MY MIND----was one saturday night, a gang of cops rushed in with big time attitudes and thereafter hassled and arrested any of the patrons that had on a MANS SUIT!!! I hung with a few of the women until I moved back to the valley--but I'll never forget the night the cops did that and well--my, how things have changed!!

 

I damn well hate prejudice!

 

Ditto. It's such a god damn waste of time and energy and is hurtful to those for whom it's aimed. It's downright stupid, basically.