ljfe feels empty without drugs

personally, i would have saved if for when i could get the full enjoyment out of it, but have fun anyway. :cheers2:

 

sorta my thoughts

but hey, its your "ljfe" :cheers2:

 

It's strange that you bring this up, because I believe I was reading a post by you about having tiny seizures?
When I go into intenses episodes of sleep paralysis, I feel like a seizure is coming on right before I wake up, like I hear buzzing and electric zapping sounds and all of a sudden, Im seizing up completley, it feels like Im sticking a key in an outlet, and right when it gets to the point where I feel like if this seizure sensation gets one tiny bit more violent, Im going to die, I wake up.
This has happened probably close to a hundred times now, and each experience gets more bizarre. Also when I was on magic mushrooms once, suprisingly a medium sized amount, I went into like a sensory overload and fell into seizures for quite a while. I remember, before the lights got too bright and the sound to peircing, that my left arm felt like it had fallen asleep, and that numb pins and needles feeling crept into my chest and then out into all my limbs and thats when I fell to the floor in a dizzying array of white light turning so bright that the eyes should not be able to perceive such frequencies.

 

asshole comment because I've had a weird week: frequency is color, amplitude is brightness


that being done with, yes, I'm epileptic, and could get an asperger's diagnosis if I sought one, also, sometimes my hypothalamus doesn't work properly, and my body temperature goes way lower than it in fact should, which, seriously? horrible.

little seizures manifest in lots of ways, different kinds of big seizures manifest in different ways, and auras are different, and, I should warn you, the more chemicals you expose your brain to the more seizures you will have, the morre damage those seizures can do.

the electrical thing is probably your aura, I'd make a pun here, but it seems pointless, and inappropriate, so, I'll just say, those, for me, are the most terrifying experience in existence.

 

Do you have any visual distortion during these experiences?

 

for the grand mals, no, for the complex partials, yes.

 

It's strage, I've had tiny seizure sensations since I was a child, but never mentioned them to anyone because they were so brief and for the most part painless so I had just assumed that everyone has them. They would feel like split second jump starts in my head.
But now, I never get them when I am awake, only when I have the hypnagogic hallucinations, and that one time during a mushroom trip (which Im beginning to think might be due to contamination).
But when I get them during the sleep paralysis transition, it's like my eyes open, body is completley shut down, and suddenly my vision becomes entirely immersed into some kind of intense, growing vortex, which seems like I am staring into an infinite fractal, for lack of a better word.
Much like Id imagine smoked DMT would be like, which is the only bit of personal evidence I hold onto that leads me to believe that DMT may act as a catalyst for our dreams.

 

any way you could elaborate?

 

I touched on it in post 125. But really it would take me hours to share what happened that night, I felt like my consciousness was shattered into fragments of concepts of self, all of which I was experiencing at once, and we were all reaching back towards each other out of a desperate fear, trying to become one single self again. But then what happened after that I could never put in words, I wasnt even aware of the seizures during this vision, if it can be called that.
It was like having my head held underwater until I was on the verge of going black, and at that moment I would get this intense fear of dying followed almost instantly by a peaceful sensation, like this suffereing will be all over in a second, then whatever was holding me down pulled me up to catch a breath, and then put me right back under, and so on for WAY too long for any persons mind to endure without breaking down temporarily.
Probably I would have been rushed to the hospital that night had I been able to move and call poison control like I was desperatley trying to, but apparently this entire 3-4 hours was completley in my mind. Which is the scariest part, to me.

 

i mean in terms of contamination. with what do you think it may have been contaminated? for what reasons?

 

Oh lol :tongue: Sorry I misunderstood.
As for what it may have been contaminated with, really I have no idea, like I told you I've picked them wild and cleaned and dried etc. but I've never grownt them, and these were definitley homegrown.
I was speaking with an older man who I consider very wise, and he told me something very similar happened to him once, and that he didnt know what it could have been either but he was like "From all the different mushrooms I've tried and experiences I've had, I can assure you that this kind of experience is not supposed to happen"
I didnt take too much of a look at them before eating them, I mean they were just your average cubes. and I saw no obvious signs of danger.
So Im undecided as to just what the fuck happened to me but I can assure you, nobody has any idea what fear really is unless you go through something similar. I mean I've had some fucked up, totally blown out of reality trips before but this was like everything evil you could possibly imagine, both mentally and physically, assualting every fiber of me being with pains that I didnt even know could exist lol. It was like being electrocuted with a mix of bleeding to death, but what I was being exposed to mentally is beyond words. Gaian intentions Im sure, but just how far does that control go?

 

well i have not the reason, the ability, or the inclination to rule out contamination, but it does seem unlikely to me.

unless......


do you have any allergies to anything? like maybe penicillin or something?

 

None that Im aware of.
I also think it's unlikely, but you never know. Theres always the possibility that there was a tiny amount of an actual poisonous mushroom mixed with the cubes, but again, very unlikely. They were without a doubt homegrown.

 

the only real risk of contamination when it comes to homegrown cubes is that the substrate gets contaminated (by a rival fungus or a bacteria).

i've taken mushrooms from contaminated cakes with no ill effects. more often than not, its nothing more than bread mold. unless you're allergic to penicillin or similar things, you aren't likely to be hurt by this.

the other fungus, in some cases, may grow on the mushroom itself. this is rare, and often in very humid terrariums the fruiting bodies have mycellium growing from the stipes, which is often mistaken for a rival fungus (a "mold")

the real threats come from the mycellium feeding off of that fungus or bacteria, and some harmful substance making its way into the fruiting bodies of the cubensis. i've never had this happen, and honestly while i've heard of the hypothetical scenario i've never heard of any actual instances of it.

i really couldnt say if the effect was pharmacological or not.

some people have mixed tryptamine or tryptamine compounds into the substrate in order to boost potency - and its suspected some other substances may be created in the process, or some other tryptamines may pass in their full form into the mushrooms.

so i suppose if the substrate was deliberately "contaminated" in order to increase the effect, there may be unexpected and unpleasant consequences in the user.

 

I guess my thought about possible contamination is just an irrational, uneducated fear.
I dont know man, all I can say is that I've had some pretty intense trips, and I've heard accounts of tons of bad trips but I've never heard of someone going through that much pain.
The typical mushroom effects were all present, including the contact with a presence that many people have confirmed encountering. But this was so different from any psychedelic I've tasted, it was both an expected tryptamine melt down and an unexpected brush with the deepest bowels of Hell imagineable lol :tongue:
I of course have other thoughts as to what may have happened, but since the effects of mushrooms are not understood and most people (not you Colin) likely would not be open to the possibility of literally entering strange, normally imperceptible dimensions, I will just keep them to myself for now.
If I barely comprehend what I went through, Im sure no one else will.

 

oh, i certainly cant discount it!!

my limited knowledge tempts me to think it is unlikely...not impossible!!

i know enough to get them to grow, usually. thats about it!

but yeah, i personally would say its most likely either psychological or spiritual in nature.

 

thats a loaded question, and i cannot give you a clear answer as it is not definite, but i could give you a simple approximation. the answer will change depending on who is being asked, and the fact that you ask would imply, if not indicate, that you have your mind made up on the subject

 

as for my opinion and belief, psychological phenomena are dependent on the structure/function relationship of the brain, and are a product of the illusory "mind." they are intrinsic by nature.

spiritual phenomena are extrinsic by nature and merely interpreted by the nervous system, not created by it. they may be distinguished from the regular, empirical, everyday reality by their preternatural status.

 

whoops, i edited the post as it was quoted. oh well, these things happen

 

I'm not sure that "spiritual" is defined enough to say that it is just "this" or just "that". I understand one could argue that for example a sense of God is spiritual and that sense is psychological. But one could also argue that physical things can be spiritual outside of our perception of the event, such as the conception of another human being.

Dealt with your issues with rich people yet?