Look, lets write a story...

Discussion in 'U.K.' started by Jaz Delorean, Jul 9, 2004.

  1. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    Knock, knock. the children heard. little children ran to the door, except for the sick one. He was in his bed. The kids opened the door and he stumbled down the hall to the kid's room. Then...
     
  2. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    mum came home and saw him there and said "you're early! your appointment isn't for another half hour!"
     
  3. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    ... to which he replied in a drunken slur "hey bitch, your fuckin' kid puked on me. I'm going to go puke on them now, so get out of my way." She replied back...
     
  4. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    "Oh, big boy, no need to do that. How about a nice..."
     
  5. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    steak and kidney pie. I'll get you a slice." When she was distracted, he tore away and knocked down the door to the kid's room.
     
  6. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    Tracy-Sharon Smith heard the noise and dialled 999 and next thing she knew there was a squad car outside the house.
     
  7. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    The police got out of the car dressed in full riot gear. They ran into the house and pulled guns on everyone in the house. Policeman #1 said "This is a raid, we know this is a pot house. Mr. Jones why don't you get your stash and we'll smoke it." The councilman replied "I am not Mr. Jones". Then Tracy Sharon-Smith says "Mr. Jones lives next door." "Sorry madam." said policeman #2. They left in a hurry and....
     
  8. Jennyflower

    Jennyflower Member

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    tracy-sharon smith was left to fight him off alone. she ordered the children to get out the way and kneed him in the balls, to her surprise he.....
     
  9. magicmonkey

    magicmonkey Member

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    water buffalo in a bath full of rose petals. In his shock he few into the window of the adjoining pot house being raided by the armed police and was confronted with...
     
  10. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    the real Mr Jones, head of the Basildon branch of the Welsh Triads, who recognised him as the local council rep and asked "Why the fuck do police in Basildon carry guns all of a sudden, boyo?"


    "Fuck knows," he replied - "I've not been to a meeting in bloody ages, I think someone must have seen some American police drama on the telly and thought it'd be a good idea to give our own police the means to scare the scheidt out of all those burberry wearing chavs and pikeys that you get around here."

    "Well shag a sheep! I'll have to deal with this lot the old fashioned way." And he turned to the curiously armed policemen dressed in outfits that can only have been rented from a US-themed costume shop and said "Know what a nut is? NUT!" and he proceeded to headbutt each policeman and knock them unconscious.

    He turned back to the councillor and said "I'd place these under citizened arrest for impersonating police officers. Honestly, boyo, guns and carnival costumes? I can't actually do it myself as I'm a wanted man. So I'll leave you to take care of it, boyo. Oh and get your suit cleaned up for fuck's sake, you look like an away fan at Ninian Park!"

    And with that, Mr. Jones went back inside his house.

    Meanwhile, Tracy-Sharon Smith, 15-year-old mother of five....
     
  11. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    realised that she was never meant to be an Essex slag, so put all her children up for adoption and became a nun in a convent somewhere in the state of Washington.
     
  12. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    While in the convent, a terrible scandal arose. She was caught in a parked car with the minister from a nearby church. People began to say...
     
  13. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    ...a minister? Bloody hell, some catholic you are!


    She was thrown out of the convent and so had a go at a career begging and selling sex for money, something she had been good at back in Essex.
     
  14. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    While on the street one day, a pimp pulled her aside. He said "Yo, ho, yo ass is workin' for me know." She replied "...
     
  15. magicmonkey

    magicmonkey Member

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    Just reminded me of those wonderful Bell and Sebastian lyrics:

    "if you're feeling sinister
    go off and see a minister
    he'll try in vain
    to take away the pain
    of being a hopeless unbeliever
    nah nah nah nah nah nah nah"


    sorry, bit random i guess!
     
  16. Jennyflower

    Jennyflower Member

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    ... "dont i recognize u? ur the dude that my kid was sick over!" and on that note she jumped in his car and demanded that he....
     
  17. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    she replied... but I don't have a donkey and I'm not a gardening tool! You're obviously a raving looney but you can have a shag anyway, I charge $100 per hour, extra for personal preferences.

    And the pimp just looked at her and said "Oh, you're english? that's ok, I speak English too. Nah shat eet you taht and gi's a shag, you're place or mine?"
     
  18. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    back to the story...
     
  19. SharyBobbins

    SharyBobbins QPR Football Fan

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    she said "let's go to yours" They walked to the big row house numbered 234 with a green door. He said to her this is it and they both walked in. To her suprise, when he opened the door...
     
  20. Sax_Machine

    Sax_Machine saxbend

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    they found a meeting of a large group of pratising nudist.


    "Eh? You expect me to do'em all at once?"

    "We have money"

    "Oh, bring'em on then. Could I get a packet of cheese'n'onion crisps in the mean time?"
     

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