Losing a Parent

It does...

it's hard... part of me hates my father for things he used to do to me as a child... but I love him at the same time.

it kinda sucks... he's always wanted to walk me down the isle type thing... but I know it's not going to happen.

Just has me thinking, a lot of mixed emotions today... tomorrow is his birthday.

 

Fortunately I haven't had to say good bye to one of my parents yet, but I think about it all the time. Mom just dodged cancer and Dad is a walking clogged artery, and with this recession stress is a another factor stacked against them. Everyone must pass and when they do I know it's gonna be the hardest thing I have to man-up to.

 

I don't know if I can answer this question really...

My mother passed away after a massive stroke. Well, she had said stroke and was in hospitals and a nursing home for nearly four months until she passed away. After the first month it was pretty obvious that she was either going to die soon or she was going to sort of linger on in the condition she was in. Her condition never really improved.

Watching her wither away in a bed for that long was much harder on me than her eventual passing. I think I was just emotionally drained by that point. I actually wished that she would die because of the pain of watching her decline day by day. I felt, and still feel a certain amount of guilt over feeling that way. I also believe that she wanted to die because of certain things she did during that time. I may have imagined that...I really don't know for certain.

When it happens you just deal with it as best you can. I'm sure it's different for everyone. After her death I began to volunteer for the American Diabetes Association. (complications of that disease being the main cause of her health problems) It was a way to do something in her memory that may help others as well as a way to just have something to keep myself occupied rather than dwell on her passing.

 

With my grandmother she was taken care of at home instead... it was hard to visit, but I felt I had to... there were times when I could hardly bare through it. I'll never forget it when I received that phone call.

I just found out my father's heart is failing. I haven't visited since Easter because of complications with my Mother... now I remember why it's rediculous to hold anger issues...

 

I still have them both


Today is my Mums birthday

 

Yay! Happy birthday BBAD's Mum!

 

i've cut off all contact with the people who birthed me. i disagree that you love people just because they're your parents, and get attached. i still have some emotional issues from feeling abandoned by them, but i've never felt love for them. some people just aren't capable of loving or being loved. while i certainly am capable of loving others, i find it a waste of time and really quite stupid to get attached and lovey dovey over people who obviously hate you, the way i see many parents hating their children. i just think the parent child relationship is fucked. it's all based on this false sense of attachment based on blood and dna, which isn't really real anyway, it's just part of the fucked up body illusion. most parents don't accept their children as their children are, they try to make them into little clones of themselves. which is not at all loving, or caring. so i say fuck all that shit. my family is made up of the people i fit with, not with some retards who stuck their private parts together and popped out a kid.

and while death is sad because we miss those who pass on, it's certainly not the end, it's just the end of a body that is meaningless. what makes a person who they are has nothing to do with their body, or the things they do here in this illusory reality. when people die they're just going home. maybe to come back for another round, maybe not... but it's definitely not a bad thing IMO.

 

I think this says a lot- well worth reading and thinking about.

 

Yeah, same here.

 

My dad passed away from a stroke on 5 June 1994. It was like losing a piece of myself. It took a couple of years for the pain to subside, but the hole it left is still there. I miss him terribly.

 

I know it sounds crazy... but sometimes I prefer to allienate my parents and reletives that are older so that I'm not as attatched be be hurt as bad, I've felt this way after my grandma died, and my friend was shot in my back yard.

My Mom is being a bitch about it... she is so fucking selfish.

 

doesn't sound crazy. i did exactly the same when my bro died but with everyone, i was scared to let new people close as it was another potential loss to my life. i still have issues letting people get close to me. i havent got close to anyone in a long time now. i stay close to my parents and my hubby though. that is about it. the rest of my family i'm not in contact with and i have very few friends.

 

At least I'm not the only one in this boat then.

 

I don't know what I'll do when my parents eventually bite the dust. I was thinking today that my best friend died almost a year ago and still I haven't even come close to getting over it and it still hurts the same when I think about it now as it ever did. So I don't know how I'd take losing Mom or Dad...not well, I'm sure.

 

Not yet.

Never even seen a dead person.

 

My grandma died on the 12th of april, this year. She was the first close relative I know that died. I know others who've died but I dont know quite how they're related to me. Nor do I remember them themselves, IF i've even met them.

She didn't like us for pretty much her whole life, but I think she changed before she died. I hope she changed. My dad spent a lot of time with her in the beginning of this year and then when she was in hospital, then my grand dad stayed with us for a while, I think for all these reasons he wasn't as cut up as he would've been if say she died december last year.

The reason I think she changed is because... She gave me a birthday present, for the first time in 16 years, including the years we actually lived together, for the first few years I was alive. This year, as she was in hospital, completely drugged up, she gave me a birthday present. So I don't know what to think.

I'm not cut up about it though, like I said, we weren't close.

 

It's very sobering.

 

I'm sure.

There was a job opening here recently for a pathologist's assistant. I considered but was too much of a scaredy-cat to apply

There's a sobering job if there ever was one.

 

I haven't lost parents.The only thing is that they've known me since I was born.However, I don't really like them.My view is that they betrayed me and were a huge hindrance.I don't even feel a genetic, let alone a cultural similarity with em.
For some a parental death people is liberating.

Grandparents, half of em, I lost them more by their actions and inactions than death.Altho I've got much more in common with some of them than my parents.
Some of em I was separated from when I was young, maybe otherwise I would've learned alot more from em.

Fuck knows..Maybe life's as much about differences as it is about similarities.

 

:cheers2: