Losing Interest in People.

Scoring weed is never a problem.

Pussy, on the other hand....

 

Remember that posting here is communicating with people. Not "technically" but actually. The computer is an extension of the speech and auditory functions of communication and if you're talking to people on HF you certainly aren't being solitary. If you didn't feel like coming here it would be a different matter entirely.

 

I've been turning down pussy because I don't want to deal with the complications. I don't even feel like dealing with prostitutes. Oh well. And I disagree about posting here not being solitude. It's a faceless form of communication and nothing like engaging a person that's in front of you.

 

That was brilliant.

 

People are interesting, unless they are boring, and there is a lot to be said for social interaction. As odrab so eloquently expressed, we are social creatures. Historically it has made much more sense for us to engage ourselves with others of our kind, creating community.

I started out as quite the lone wolf, and was always happy in solitude, but in my early 20s I was dissatisfied and so I transformed into a social butterfly. Constantly receiving approval from others, and having a wide circle of friends and acquaintances was very fun, but also tiring. As I started to understand other people better, and realized how easy most are to manipulate, how fickle they are, getting their approval lost meaning. It was no longer worth it to tire myself out to maintain unimportant social relationships.

It's great to hang out with friends now and then - not that I have many, if any, real friends - but I'd much rather spend my time and energy with someone who is really important to me, like my girlfriend or my family. Or myself.

 

I agree.

 

I think humans are social creatures but love is more important than companionship. What's the point in hanging out with people if you dont even like them, much less love them?

It's rare to come across people you can really trust and care about and I think solitude can help you figure out what you value in others and help you choose your friends wisely.

 

human people are not what i have ever had the most interest in.

trains came first, and then the kind of world we all have to live in.

i CARE about people, what they have to experience, and than how all of us together make things the way we have to experience them,
but i don't usually find people themselves very interesting.

not as much as trains and other transportation technologies, technology in general, and the diversity of forests, and the creatures that live in them.

that's one reason i don't find this place that interesting or come around here that often.

 

I can point to relationships in the past and at present that have satisfied me. And, I`m certainly over the hill.

However, there are two specific expectations that make friendships and affectionate relationships (I won`t drop the L bomb) 'romantic' IMO (not realistic):

a) relationships without personal space and boundaries;

b) not asking for what you want.

The problem with 'romance' and Cinderella is placing the burden on other people to guess what you want, and to be there at the drop of a hat, at all times, forever.

The relationships (platonic and affectionate) that I prize, have all happened with loads of time off and asking very specifically for what we wanted from one another.

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@OP: I`d like to hear why you were disappointed in your friends.

 

There have been 3 phases in my life that I have purged my friends. With some, I felt like I had settled for whom was most available. For others, it would hit me that their agenda had nothing to do with my well-being. Sometimes a trait of theirs would become so annoying, I just had to get away. Then of course, there is plain boredom.

In my maturity now, my friendships all have one thing in common. They each value me. Not as a total person though....usually a part of me. To get that part, they treat me well and with respect. Often, they are pretty accepting, or if they have something critical to say, it's with affection. Friendships are a heavy mixture of trust, humor, and independence. It's best that you don't NEED, and rewarding if you find the type those that can willingly and graciously GIVE.

As for if it's healthy? Hell yeah !! All these elements of the human way need inspection, and cleaning up.

 

I feel almost the same...often lonely, but hard to find a company which I'd love to spend my time with...

 

My Grandmother used to make Steak and kidney pie a lot, I would dry reach just at the smell of it, my Grandfather used to love it though, God knows why. Sheep and Cow kidneys and liver are fuckin disgusting. So I dont now how psychopaths/serial killers do it

 

I agree with the exception of chicken livers fried with onions and bacon which tastes delicious :2thumbsup:


Hotwater

 

Well, since you asked. My social life has always revolved around music and whatever "band" or group of musicians I was playing with at any particular time. So without making this into a very long story, within the past 2 years or so, I've lost some family members to, well, illness and death, my grandmother died, my dad died after a prolonged illness, my uncle died and my mother nearly died - so it's been rough, and I've had to step up and take care of some family stuff, obligations that frankly, were a bit overwhelming to me. I mean it was like one thing after another.

My friends and band mates have always been like a second family to me, but suddenly, I couldn't fulfill my role in the "tribe", I couldn't just drop everything and go off and go busking or play a gig at the drop of a hat. They knew I was going through some shit emotionally, but all I ever got was calls like, "hey how's your mom - wanna jam?", "hey how ya been, wanna jam?", "sorry you're dad died, wanna jam?" Fuckers only call me when they want me to play with them, all of a sudden it's like I'm a leper with the stink of death, hospitals, and grim disease and sadness all over me. I made the mistake of talking about the shit I was going through one time and apparently it was too much of a buzz kill.

So the final epiphany was that during a period of time when my mother was in the hospital, when I was really MIA, my closest "friends" essentially started a little side project with some people and unilaterally decided to start a new band and basically throw about three years of rehearsal and building our "name" (which is laughable in hindsight) into the garbage. So I was asked to join, and I gave it some thought, but I'm still trying to help my mother get back on her feet and I was offended enough by the whole thing that I basically told them that I didn't have the time, energy or desire to start over - which is also true.

So now I get emails and text messages from time to time with the same bullshit "how's your mom doing, wanna jam?" and it's clear to me that the only value I am to these fuckers is the fact that I'm a good musician, that I make them sound better, that I know how to hold their fucking gnat attention spans long enough to steer them toward a semi-productive rehearsal, and that when I'm not there, it's just "let's get hammered and make a bunch of fucking noise in front of a captive audience" and then snicker cynically about getting paid for it afterwards.

More than all of this, is the predictable, cyclical nature of the whole dynamic of these people. This, I started growing weary of, a long time ago - and so what little sadness or pain I might have experienced at the "purge" is blunted, leaving me with the current state I'm in. I got a text message from one my band mates just over Independence Day. I couldn't even bring myself to reply to it with the usual excuses. Someone emailed me a photo of the new band playing at some nowhere river town pub and they have the same derpey, blank, half awake, half fearful looks on their faces as gigs in the past - it's like their bored to death with each other, and that's what really depresses the shit out of me. I can't even feel jealous, or envious, or bitter about it - it's just fucking sad, pathetic and depressing. I literally feel like throwing up now.

 

ditto to pretty much all of the above ,i reckon its the old case of my old freinds staying the same and i have changed . since i moved to a little piece of paradise in the country and work from home my mindset has gone through a consciousness shift that continues to evolve . being around a piecefull loving natural enviroment i really dont have time for all the bullshit that people bring ,so i got rid of the worst first until im at the point im almost a hermit,i actually resent having to go shoping "almost sounding agoraphobic eh " but i have never been happier ,plus i have a wonderful kind consideret daughter and ex who give me emotional interaction,so i feel no lacking in my life, im the happyist person i know "not that i know anybody anymore" small talk has become a thing of the past ,and its been replaced with meaning ,if i am the creator of my reality then i have chosen solitude to allow my creation to blossom “Solitude is often the best society BOOMSHANKA

 

Well, now I am jealous. Good for you.