Men Raped by Women

Very very good thread topic, Rubin.

I absolutely believe a man could be raped by a woman, even one smaller than him. Just a few days ago I read many many accounts from men telling their stories. I feel that more often than not, men who are raped are taken advantage of while in an intoxicated state, but that doesn't make it right. I also feel that it is entirely up to how the man takes the situation. If he feels violated, then absolutely, he was. If he doesn't, well, good for him. And in no way, shape, or form does arousal equal consent.

 

on the subject of date rape, I've always thought of date rape as rape that happens on a date or when you're hanging out with someone you think you can trust. Getting sloppy drunk and having sex during a blackout is not technically rape unless you say no. The inherent problem with this is that when a girl is in a blackout she has no idea the next day if she actually said no or yes. I had a male friend who was accused of rape because he had sex with a girl while she was so drunk she didn't remember it. He said she very obviously wanted it, he also didn't realize how drunk she was. She woke up and didn't remember so she assumed she said no and called it rape.

on the subject of boners, I think guys have very strong physical reactions to touch and sight. If a woman is touching a guy's junk and she's naked, I think guys are generally going to have a physical reaction even if its not what they mentally want.

I don't think the majority of guys would bother to press rape charges in this situation, but I think they should certainly have the legal right to do so.

 

I think that there is a psychological as well as physical difference between being penetrated and penitrating someone else. This could be why rape affects women a lot more than men (outside of anal rape). And why society as a whole seems to downplay male rape victims.

 

an acquiantance of mine woke up after blacking out at a party to discover that a female friend of his was having sex with him. he was pissed off but he sort of laughed it off after. i was shocked at the mildness of his reaction, it was clearly an unforgivable violation of his body and privacy or so it seemed to me. in this case, and i suspect in some others, it isn't so much a case of societal stigma attached to the victim as a case of lacking the mental framework to think about incidences of this type in terms of "rape". He certainly never considered himself a rape victim, and would have laughed at the idea. I suppose that the idea of male victimhood in that situation, for a lot of people, simply doesn't square with their assumptions about the gendered roles in sexual situations.

I think that the tendency is for the male to think about rape in terms of its emasculating qualities, yet this becomes tricky because traditionally sexual intercourse is seen as shoring up notions of masculinity so its "I had sex against my will"(emasculating) versus "I had sex" (masculine) the only appropriate reaction to this contradiction, for those that think this way, is to laugh it off, rather than accept the role of victim and, in so doing, confront the emasculating concept of having been raped. That is what my acquaintance did. At least that was what i assumed about the situation.

certainly there IS a societal stigma about having been the victim of rape by a female if your a male. it was really heartbreaking to see that gallery of men holding up placards of what their attackers (male and female) had said to them, a lot of them had also written things that their family or friends had said to them when they confided in them. many of them were laughed at, ridiculed or simply told that it wasn't possible.

 

Yes, its rare to hear about woman raping guys - sounds a bit of a turn on if you ask a woman to do sexual things to you that she wants to & you may disapprove of

 

I have been raped twice now and I have been wet each time it's a curse that my body betrays me in this way, but I've found that it happens in lots of people, especially men.

I've known of other men who have been raped too and I do think of it as rape, although they don't usually see it as such. There really is a huge grey area with rape and a part of it is because we have such a huge "rape culture" rape is kinda an "it" thing.

There's a really popular show that I've only seen because I happened to show up at my aunt's house when it was on...it's called Scandalous and the episode I saw was of this woman who is the President's mistress and they are trying to end their affair. At some point the President pulls her into some private room, and without saying a word hikes up her dress, penetrates her, and at the end says "this will never happen again" and leaves her in the room by herself.

It was the most uncomfortable thing I've ever witnessed on TV...but my aunt, my mom and the others int eh room were eating it up, they loved it. I can guess by their reactions that they were never raped. That is disgusting to me. This scene was very similar to one I had, except that I had never had an affair or flirtation or anything of the sort with the "authority figure/bossman" in my situation. It wasn't really violent, so I didn't think of it as rape...or I just wasn't sure.

I also think female teenagers are into sex with older men, but males and females aren't always so aware of their own distorted perceptions, especially if their brains are still developing and also especially under the weight of a cultural minefield and trauma.

I think rape, is rape, is rape. And I feel I am more of an advocate against rape than many people who have experienced it and not wanted to call it that. That said, as a woman, I have never reported the rapes I encountered and had a hard time coming to terms with the fact it was rape too...but with other people I am more of a mother bear about it...odd.

 

I think this is why there's a separate thing called sexual abuse. It's abusive, manipulative, but perhaps not rape...depends who you ask. As a culture we have glorified and gorified rape, but we haven't quite gotten to the point of having a clear definition of what it is.

 

I'm sorry to hear this, honey. 1 in 4 women are raped and that number is way too fucking high. And it must be extremely confusing to get wet while being raped. Your body does not always understand what the mind is thinking. So many people are ignorant to this fact, including judges and juries. Men have an upper hand in this patriarchal society, and I'm sure that even if you reported the rape your physical reaction could be used against you. Sickening. My friend was raped and her rapists held her down and forced alcohol down her throat. When she brought her rape to the police they told her to go home, she was drunk, there wasn't much they could do about it. They wouldn't even complete a rape kit.

 

Yeah...I agree it's harder as a man to be raped, many of them can't even swallow the idea of being taken advantage of, let alone sexually. At the same time, I can see why maybe internally they might feel that way but just not report it because reporting rape is very, very often, not worth it to the victim. There is wayyyy too much victim blaming in this society, period. Man or woman, victims are more often held responsible for their fates than the people who took advantage of them.

I think it would be extremely liberating to our culture and men especially if they were given the foundation to accept that this is a reality. That men can be raped, sexually abused, etc. and it has nothing to do with the man. Also if it were not thought of some great thing when adolescent boys are hooking up with adult/authoritarian women, that would help a lot. It might seem nice to that boy at the time, but when he's an adult he's going to be either sheltered or have his perceptions of women, sex, relationships molded by that "relationship". I think it's extremely not right. If I have a son someday with an adult teacher who pursues him, you can bet I will press all the charges possible for me to press. If he's under 18 absolutely.

 

The thing is, some men (and women) get sexually aroused despite their mental refusal of sex. They don't want to do it, but their body responds to the involuntary prompting.

 

Yeah...the two men I have talked to specifically about their rape were hard when they were raped. If someone is unconscious, the other person would also have to be unconscious to somehow manage to rape them and I don't see how that's possible at all. I know when you're barely conscious you can flirt and vaguely "consent" or rather "surrender" to things, but really...why have sex with someone who is barely conscious? That is rape in my opinion. Maybe some rapists are victims of their own insecurities as well, but they are criminals as well. That's how I see it. Maybe they hunt to take advantage of people because they feel unworthy, but it doesn't change the fact they are abusing and violating other people.

Drunken sex is a little different than someone being truly unconscious or barely conscious. I've experienced both. And yes the body will respond to both, especially a man's body. Some men get hard in traumatic situations, it's not at all unheard of. Even when it has nothing to do with being with someone they are attracted to or are in the close proximity of in terms of genitals. I've also had sex that I wouldn't consider rape that I just didn't want and had multiple orgasms. Makes the dude think I really like them when I was basically cringing the whole time.

Hormones are a bitch.

P.S. while it may seem like I'm talking about myself a lot, is in the context that I don't think men and women are that different...especially myself cause I barely relate to the fact that I am female.

 

Yeah, I agree with you there.

And honestly....re-reading this thread.... is kinda aggravating- just can't believe some of the posts- that some people think it is not rape if a male is erect or if a female gets wet and/or enjoys it. I just keep thinking "seriously? Do people actually think like that in this day and age?!"--- well, apparently so... kinda of shocking to me. I thought the only people who thought like that, was...well, people like who ever that politician was who said something along the lines of that females cannot get pregnant if they are raped.

 

I'm not surprised. I know people who prefer their news to come from biased, dramatized sources and completely non-factual sources, than to ever talk to or commiserate with a real person who has been through the situations they become so opinionated about. I've seen people completely block out the words of someone who has actual experience and refers to ancient, translated, etc. books, news reporters, fictional movies and opinions of famous people they idolize. Sometimes it's deeper, like their whole family, region, culture, religion, ethnicity has an ideology that conflicts with their ability to use their brains to form their own opinions. Not surprised at all. And also I can credit you with realizing I was drugged the first time I was raped. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday...it enlightened me.

 

I helped you realize that? Wow... I actually think I am remembering a conversation I had totally forgotten about....

Well, I remember with myself- not going into this here, but how when you are drugged--- it is something that sometimes dawns on you later, as it did me and makes complete sense. Unfortunally it was too late in my situation with the police and all (who acted like complete asses) but, in any case... glad I was able to help you in some way.


(Oh and I guess I shouldn't be surprised by people's levels of stupidity...it's not like I was born from under a rock yesterday- I don't know why I always become surprised by people's ignorance like it's not something I haven't seen a million times before...lol.)

 

Since 'date rape' happened to me, I obviously consider it to be rape. He put something in my drink and I didn't want to have sex but I wasn't physically capable of preventing it, so yeah... it was rape.

 

dude I replied to this thread TWICE and neither one of them posted. are you effing kidding me?

 

no joke

 

Jesus Christ, OK here's my answer, for the third time. I did not read this thread, but I will eventually.

I don't think this happens very often for a few reasons. Reason number one, men are typically physically stronger than woman. Reason number two, men typically have penises, which are used for penetration during sex.

Sooooooooo...... a man can easily physically overpower a woman strength wise, and then use his wang to penetrate her. AKA, rape her. But it would be pretty hard for the opposite to happen. We have the hole that gets penetrated.... (and/or the butthole that gets penetrated.)

So my guess would be that if a man was getting raped by a girl, he would either physically take the woman and throw her off of him, or would just consent to having sex and go with the flow. So unless were talking about little boys and grown adults here (which our local god already said weren't).. then I'm guessing this scenario doesn't happen very often.

My first reply was different, but this was the gist of what I had to say :2thumbsup:

 

Although helpfully several people in this thread have helped respond to the ignoramuses (is that a word?!) who seem to think a persons sexual response to a situation (which they have no control over) = them enjoying it, I would also like to add in the case of men, fear can often cause an involuntary errection.