Moving out the way/giving people leeway

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Chris, the world does not work on your expectations and evaluations. You see it a sign of weakness in a man if he allows a woman to open a door for him. Other people, including these ladies who waited for you at the doorway, don't. They think they are doing something nice for you.
You didn't berate them and explain that , according to the way you see the world, they were insulting you. That's sensible. But in the long run, going off and fumming about it will cause you as much loneliness as if you had hollered at these people for being nice to you. You need to accept people from where they come from ("holding doors for people is nice" regardless of genders) before you will be allowed to explain where you come from ("men hold doors for women.") You have to accept them as they are if you want them to accept you as you are.

 

So lets imagine somebody was willing to take an interest in you, like many people on this forum already have done.
Before they would be any good they would have to be all of the following according to your posts:

Female
Pretty
Petite
Quiet
Dont laugh out loud to jokes in the canteen (lol)
Dont let men walk through doors before them
Not a "discusting" Gay
Not really bright
Not bubbly
Not mouthy
Not confident
Not talkitive or outgoing
not a "disabled tosser"
not a little kid

Is this all a big joke 'chris 1661', cause its not really funny if it is. If its not please go and talk to somebody, if its not a real problem then the councellor will tell you so.

 

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Emasculate: 2.to deprive of strength or vigor; weaken
to make you seem like less of a man, basically, was the term i was usign

you are acting like a priness. you really are. you want the world to be one way, peopel to treat you one way, only certian kinds of peopel to talk to you, only certain kinds of women to beintersted in you, only certain kinds of adivce from people. you are so goddamn particular about every fuckign infinitesimal thign in yoiur life that you will NEVER BE HAPPY because of it. grow up, move on. the world is waht it is, learnt od eal because people dont do shit to try and hurt you, they do shit because they simply do

oh, an dall your jeering about letting you be a gentleman, no gentleman would be angered tha tawoman was treatign him with respect or care, which is all they twere trying to do

 

At the risk of sounding like a preschooler, you sound mean. Maybe the bullying you went through in grade school is the reason, but at any rate, if you're projecting this kind of attitude, ie: banging your elbows on tables because someone did something nice for you and you're too paranoid to see there's nothing to be read into it but that, then I can see why no one will talk to you at school.
Maybe they're afraid of you.
I'd say anger management might help you, but you've already refused any kind of help, so whatever.

 

Humans often communicate with signals and verbally when moving through buildings, we do this to prevent the awkwardness and frustration of walking into each other.

You perceived this process as a threat to your manliness for what ever bizarre reason but none the less it's a mal-adaptive understanding. It is easy to conclude Chris that you do indeed lack very basic social skills. Im not saying this in any light manner or as an insult but clearly it does need to be pointed out as it seems to be a great source of distress for you.

 

I hate when I hold onto the door (but don't stop moving) so that I don't let it hit someone else, but then they keep walking without pushing on the door for the person who is coming behind them, and then that person walks out too. That usually doesn't happen, but it messes up my system.

 

It reminds me of when the school has a fire drill and everyone is going back inside. There are 6 doors but people are only using one or two. Nobody is smart enough to open any of the other four doors for people to go through until I get there usually.

 

Apathy isn't quite the same as lack of intelligence.

 

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"I am quite manly, and why can't girls think of me that way?"

I'm sorry Chris, you're probably gonna be pissed off at this but you just don't strike me as manly. You may be eighteen, and you may have the body of a young man, but as far as I can tell from all your posts that I've come across you're not a MAN, you're a BOY. You're a CHILD - in the sense that you have the maturity of one.

You complain about these girls giving way to you as if they committed a serious crime against your masculinity in doing so. This tells me you have a lot to learn about being a man. So listen, boy:

A man may hold the door open for a woman, but he will not take it against a woman if she held the door for him. Why? Because he doesn't see it as an insult to his masculinity! Because he's strong and secure enough in himself so that he is not easily offended by something so trivial as that. Being easily offended, by the way, is a sure sign of weakness. And since you are so easily offended by something so trivial that was not intended to hurt you, then you have shown how weak you really are.

You have no idea what true manly strength is. Just look at what you've written:

"I might look soft on the outside, but i'm tough on the inside as a person - What can I do to look HARDER?"

If you were truly as tough on the inside as you claimed to be, you wouldn't need to "look HARDER". Strong people don't need to look strong. Weak people do.

Also, a real man does not view a kindness (no matter how small) done to him as an insult that implies he is weak. A real man knows how to be grateful for kindness, even if he doesn't really need it at that moment.

Perhaps you'll be angry with what I've written. And I'm sorry for being blunt and for lecturing you here. But you were asking for it. You want to be treated like a man? Well, let's see if you can take what I've just thrown at you like a man.

 

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This isn't about me Chris, this is about you. And if we are to follow your logic, compared to me, you're nothing but an infant. :tongue:

Anyway:

So you refuse to "shout and bawl and hurl abuse". Good for you. You've taken what I've thrown at you like a man. Again, good for you.

What I don't get is, when people are being nice to you, like those girls in the library, why can't you take their kindness like a man? Why view it as an insult?

I'm sorry for being blunt and patronizing, but after reading your posts I had to say something even at the risk of offending you! I may have been patronizing but I wanted to drive home a point.

 

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If not compeletly, then they do overlap.

 

Your threads crack me up, Chris. I think that you just need to relax and quit feeling like the world is out to get you. Quit stressing out about the roles of males and females. We're all just humans, right? We're in 2007, not 1937. Why do you feel so threatened by a woman holding the door for you? No one is trying to look down upon you or make you feel inferior by holding the door open. They're just trying to be friendly and show good manners. I hold the door open for everyone all of the time, and most people smile and say "thank you," including men. I have never seen someone feel insulted by my holding the door open. As far as you thinking that everyone on these forums are patronizing you, relax! They're just trying to give you advice because it honestly sounds like you need it, and I did not mean to offend you by saying that.

 

Hey Folks who are replying to this thread, read this.....
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/aswhatisit.html
Sound like anyone we've heard from lately?
Don't push too hard. People who suffer from aspergers don't have the tool box to deal with confronting their shortfalls of social interaction.
When you or I walk through a market and smile at someone and say"hi", its just a friendly gesture. Nothing more...
To a person with aspergers, this is not a natural gesture, there must be something that has underlying meanings.
I don't know enough about this syndrome to know if physical acting out happens or not . So far it is all passive/aggressive verbalization on the NET.
I'll have to do more research on this and see if these people have been known to cross the line and become violent.
As for now, I wish everybody would try and be supportive and non-confrontational.

Thank You......Dennis...

 

Oh, you don't like it do you? You don't like that I just pointed out a flaw in your reasoning? Hey, you're the one who said that compared to a middle-age guy I'm a boy. I simply followed YOUR line of reasoning.

And by the way, that's not why I called you a boy. I didn't call you a boy because you're younger than me. I called you a boy because you act like one and yet you want to be treated like a man. Well you can't act like a boy and expect to be treated like a man, that's why I called your attention by pushing your buttons.

And what exactly is wrong with trying to be nice to you? Would you rather people be like me? Would you rather people talk to you the way I do? I'm not trying to be nice and you don't like it, right? What confuses me is the fact that you don't like these people who ARE trying to be nice to you (even half-heartedly). It's really confusing! On the one hand, you don't like it when people try to be nice; on the other hand, you don't like it when they DON'T try to be nice.