My first attempt at any serious writing

You've asked for criticism, and my only criticism is as follows.

As you can see in my abbreviated quote from your post, you missed out the word "a" in the phrase "were sharing bed".

Apart from that the writing is very atmospheric and I enjoyed reading it, but for the sake of helping the reader to understand exactly what you want to say you have to proofread it before showing it to anyone else. I'm a terror for leaving out the prepositions and articles, and I have to read everything I write several times to make sure I've included all the little in between words that allow my writing to flow into the reader's subconcious without them having to jump over the empty spaces that should be filled.