My friends will hate me!

Niels,

It's perfectly alright that you haven't told your family. Even so, I think telling your brother would be a start. I haven't told my family either and don't plan to for some time.

Its always been my impression, being the naive American that I am, that western Europe (especially Belgium, England, France, Netherlands, germany, etc.) was a place were gays were not looked down upon, and even seen as a vibrant part of the social atmosphere. Maybe you live in a smaller town, or a more conservative area of Belgium. Where I live (1 and a half hour drive west of Philadelphia), is very diverse, even for a smaller city. Gays are accepted by many (but not all) as part of the community. Maybe you have some input as to why you feel your family and community would not be supportive of your orientation?

And by the way, I must compliment you on your English, I know I don't know one word of Dutch (I'm just assuming you speak Dutch as a first language but I know that German and French are spoken in Belgium as well).

My Love and Blessing
Greg

 

I had this exact situation as well, I think telling my friends one by one made it easier for me to come out, slowly, but surely. The first person I told made me feel better about telling the next person and so on.

I think I'm about to tell my sister in a couple days. Shes the first person in my family that I will have told. Like most of my friends, shes liberal and all, and I know she probably won't have a problem with it, but it's still so nerve racking to do.

 

thx for the compliment about my english

here in belgium is pretty okay to be gay. you will get some weird looks from the older generations but the people i hang out with (17-22 years) they pretty much just accept you:H . none the less its still hard to come out .

and i will probaly tell my family much later yeah. i dont really have a need for telling them my "condition".
friends are much more important to me.
(still not sure to tell my "special friend" about my feelings for him. probably best if i kept that a secret a bit longer.)

oh and i do speak dutch yeah. thats my first language.


cya later all

love niels

 

Depending on how close you and your "special friend" are, it may be a good idea to wait. If you two are "best friends" I'm not sure he would care, especially if he seems like an open person. If he's only a good friend, then I would hold off. But that's your choice to make...However, I will say one thing. I have really 4 best friends, all guys, the one that I told that I was attracted to is feeling very awkward and paranoid right now, hopefully we just need time apart to realize we love each other (in a non-sexual way), in the end, its completely up to you, and whatever you decide to do, you don't want to regret it.

Just curious, what other languages do you speak?

Love and Best wishes
Greg

 

im nor close with one as much as i am with other friends so the "secret of my love" will probably never be told. i am happy with the situation now. when i come out i understand it will be akward at first and then it starts to get better again.
if i would then also tell that guy i have a crush on him it would actually be like dropping a bomb on him. time is on my side for now so...i can wait.
who knows what the future hold in store.

(secretly hoping one of my friends is gay/bi too. that would be so nice)

and to be honest i just speak/write english and dutch. for the rest of the languages i am very happy there are translators for free on the web .

i learned english from the tv and i found that i could express my feelings better in that language. i actually spoke to my 3th grade teacher my first hole american sentence. he complimented me on it and i liked that so much i did more and more things in english. now i got trouble holding the two languages apart. so i write like this on my papers and stuff.

hallo mijn name is niels.
ik ben best happy today

very confusing ha

i got better and better at it so now i write short story's on my space.
i admit it's not so great now but i am getting there
(imagenation enough but stringing sentences to each other is not a strong point of me)

if you like i could send you the link to my space but since i did not yet tell all friends of my secret i would appreciated if you would not post anything on it giving them a link to here

(boy...would my face be red )

nice talking to you again greg:H

cya tommorow or perhaps later today...its 13:47 here now so who knows

sincerly niels

 

Unfortunately I don't have a myspace, only a facebook acct.

Yea, I speak some Spanish, but thats about it for languages...I would like to learn German, which doesn't seem so far off from Dutch

And its looks as though your six hours ahead of me, so when I post this its 04:00 your time. Keep the updates coming...I love to hear people be happy

Peace
Greg

 

every now and then i get hit hard with the fact that my school life is over and that i will see my friends less and less. especially my friend for whome i have feelings. i come to these realizations mostly in dreams.

i see mu dreams come more and more to the point. i am in love with that boy and and i will never be able to tell him that.



i will first tell you the dream:



i believe it was the forest near one of my friends house. i was alone in a black environment. i stood there with tears in my eyes because i wanted to tell my friends my secret but i could not since it could mean tat i will loose them.



then that special friend come"s near to me and asks whats wrong. i dont reply and i looked down to the floor trying not to show that i was crying.I feel him standing right behind me.


I feel his warm breath on my back.

I feel how he stands behind me pressing his warm body against mine.

He slowly wraps his arms around my chest and I feel a chill going down my spine .

His hands are so warm and soft. He holds me tight and I feel so safe.

He speaks with a low and vibrant voice. Each word lingers in my head and I feel my heart pounding like a mad drummer.



I waited for this moment as long as I could remember. From the first time I saw him. Pitch black are my surrounding as I focus on him alone.

I turn around and my eyes caught up with his beautiful blue eyes looking directly in my soul and I want to tell him all my secrets.

Never will I want to loose this feeling. But some thing’s are never mend to be. I see him fading away. His warm hands disappear from my body and I feel all alone. He left me and all I have now is a crushing feeling of loneliness. Never will anyone ever know my real feelings. Never shall I come to terms with my heart. I shall ignore my hearth forever and protect me from this feel of complete loneliness and betrayal.



Every time I see him my heart goes mad and yet I know it’s wrong….



So from this day forward I will live my life as a diary. Always hidden away and when someone does find me I still will be locked.

then I wake up and I still have that feeling. only now i know it true. after this dream i decided i will not be telling my friends about my nature. I it ever came that far as I would loose them....
wel then its the end of my life. literally and figurativly.