Crazy... It just seems like you're a bit (I hate to say it this way) 'lost' on it. It's a wonderful path, but sometimes, it's just rough. [Well, it was for me.] Love.
I am lost, because there is just so much to learn, and when I was younger I fell into the steriotypical role of the witch, you have "the craft" to thank for that, I NEVER practiced black magick or did anything remotely evil, but I was following the craft the way a teenager would, beliveing everything I read and not really taking the time to study..... which I am now...
Yeah, I think that's the vibe I'm getting. Too many people put credit into the media (not on purpose, it's subconcious) and for this we have misconceptions and steryotypes. But love, bless you in your journey.