My Mental History.

So I guess for the rest of my life I will keep repeating those three points. In every situation I am in, and as I keep submitting and re-submitting my request to that court to have that man removed as my legal guardian, since I'll never really know when he isn't. I have Cerebral Palsy and I obviously have all my life. That court drove me to suicide, there was no other reason why I did it. I am not suicidal, it is all their fault. That taking away my car was unjust and shows all that is wrong with this situation. And all three of those things continue going on, or will, even though they are all very wrong. I'll mention them everywhere I am. Because I don't know who knows and who doesn't. I'll make sure to bring it up in every claim I file and every legal proceeding I am in. I will say it in every court room I am ever in again. I will even disrupt the proceeding to say it, if necessary, if they don't let me say it there. Over and over again, for the rest of my life.They all happened and are true. And it's very important that everyone knows about them.

 

Also, the fact people could so easily take away my car obviously has something to do with my legal status. My secret legal status, that I have in Michigan, and that they may have in other states. I was reading online that in Michigan, you can take away all your relative's rights with a secret legal hearing they don't even know about. And give them a status they're not even aware of. And they may live the rest of their lives that way. When they start losing things in their life, like their driver's license and home, it all seems to make sense at the time. They lost their home, they're told, because of it was sold from under them by their neighbors. Or maybe some other excuse. They lost their license because of some minor traffic infraction, they're told. (I didn't even know until 2001 you can get two points on your license for pouring coffee in you mug on a deserted road. But I guess it's true.) I was reading there's even is a patients' rights advocacy group that thinks this is all a good idea. Well, it's a good idea is you're a caregiver. You can make all kinds of reckless decisions behind their back, and they don't even know what's going on. Of course, people don't realize that that same logic could be used on them someday. Like when they're old. How shalt thou hope for mercy rendering none?

What obviously happened in 2004 or 5, is the people in my life where just thinking of taking away my car and license then. Who knows why. But they didn't want it to seem so strange for me. So they started this nonsense that I looked too low in intelligence to be driving, or that maybe I could lose my license for some minor traffic violations. But it really all had to do with my legal status. I don't even know what it is. But I am under some kind of secret guardianship. Maybe I have been since I was 18. I just don't know. And the police are part of it all. They always are in Michigan. Someone seems to have told them I have the mind of a child. I don't know what my IQ is. It might be lower than normal. But I don't have the mind of a child. And now in Michigan they aren't getting very far with guardianship reform.

I am going to make sure everyone knows what was done to me. Starting with car thing in 2005, and everything else too. I will inform and expose, and I will do that for the rest of my life. Because I will never really know when this is all over with. Even if someone proved to me it was, they'd probably just be lying and deceiving again.

 

Yeah, that doctor at that clinic told me Wednesday. If you had diabetes and neuropathy 15-20 years ago, you couldn't be waiting for buses in the middle of winter. You'd lose a toe for sure. Probably your feet too. People with certain medical problems and handicaps must drive. It's vital. And anyone who knew all of this back then would've known. Certainly my doctors. My pharmacist, Social Security and that court would've know. And maybe the police, if they were discussing the matter with them.

I'll have to make this part of my official argument, always. Repeat it verbally. And copy and repaste it over and over in all my emails, faxes and legal papers. I should add it now. But I think I can remember.

 

The people at that clinic Wednesday said I don't have diabetic wounds on my legs. I obviously do. They said they don't need treatment. They obviously do. Even if my legal guardian is planning on putting me away soon because I'm still burden to him, I need to start treatment now. He may think being abused and neglected someplace with my Cerebral Palsy is funny. But I sure don't.

 

They did put a large covering on my largest diabetic wound at that clinic Wednesday. It also is the one that is newest and still healing. They told me on the phone yesterday to leave it on one week. They also told me that I have no diabetic wounds and refused to even make a follow up appointment with them. Because they said I just don't need anything like that.

 

You've never asked for feedback, and I'm certainly not qualified to evaluate medical diagnoses, nor do I have a background in psychology--only some street wisdom based on my own encounters with people and institutions. And it may cause you more distress and anger, and add me to your growing enemies list. But I've grown to know and like you thru your posts, and sympathize with your concerns about losing your car, not getting the medical diagnoses and treatment you think you need, having a guardian you apparently think is not really acting in your best interest, and facing the prospect of possibly being institutionalized and/or homeless.

I'm concerned that your present action plan might backfire--particularly the part about disrupting the proceeding. You need to be careful how you say those three things in order to avoid digging a bigger hole for yourself. Let me just go over my understanding of your situation, based on what you've been saying and my own understanding of how people and institutions work. For no fault of your own, you've been suffering, since birth or early childhood, from maladies that have made you the brunt of bullying and unjust suspicion from authorities. People think you're somehow mentally deficient and unable to make decisions for yourself, and are threatening to take away your car keys and put your in an institution. You've fallen into the hands of a relative, whom you variously describe as your legal guardian and your "secret' guardian, who seems to be an uncaring, sadistic jerk. But you seem to want him to remain in your life, because you depend on him for assistance. He is threatening to pull out, because he feels unappreciated. And you're about to face a court proceeding that could be life-changing in a bad way. Is that correct?

If so, might I share some reactions based on my limited impressions of you, the world, institutions and people. From what you've said, there seems to be something about your physical appearance and behavior that attracts negative attention. You say you have CP, which is apparently so mild you haven't been able to get a definitive diagnosis yet. Does that affect your speech, causing you to slur words or seem "slow"? If so, that could be the basis of the erroneous perception that your have some intellectual impairment. I'm no psychologist, but just by reading your posts I'd say you're considerably above average in intelligence. However, in your earlier posts, you mentioned a diagnosis of Schizoid Personality Disorder, which to me is consistent with what you've been saying. That would make you seem "odd" to others, and since it's a psychosis, cause them to discount your judgments. When you complain that your doctors and other medical personnel are consistently wrong about everything, and are giving you anti-psychotic drugs that are causing you harmful and unpleasant side effects, you might be right. I remember a friend telling me about the horrors of his experience with Haldol. But he was schizophrenic. In our society, "the doctor is always right " unless you have a good lawyer. Add to that two suicide attempts. You've said that the court drove you to that, and that you're really no danger to yourself or others. But the courts make that determination, and ordinarily place the judgments of medical personnel and fellow judges above those of diagnosed people. And in their eyes, two suicide attempts per se make you a danger to yourself and others--even though you know you aren't. So they may be reluctant to keep you behind the wheel.

So what to do. I'm afraid I won't be much help there. But I can suggest what not to do: Don't be disruptive! That could reinforce the negative profile of you contained in the record. Try to make your case as calmly and sensibly as possible, without seeming belligerent. Try to project an image of being calm, cool, and collected--the three "c's". Practice those things and to cultivate the appropriate mindset and mental ideation. Avoid getting into the "secret" status of your guardianship, which may make no sense to the decision-makers and seems to be irrelevant, since you acknowledge the guy is your guardian, for better or for worse. Avoid a narrative that has the entire world conspiring against you, since that could come across as paranoid. It would seem more plausible that lots of experts making decisions have been acting on a routine basis in light of a file on you that leads them to distrust your judgements. While it may be they drove you to attempting suicide, that's not an excuse in the eyes of the law. If the suicides are brought up, it's probably best not to try to defend them by blaming someone else, especially the system, but instead to try to convince the judge that was then and you're now a different person.

That's my unsolicited advice, which you can take for what it's worth. I hope it'sconstructive, and doesn't make you more distressed or nervous. I remember a lawyer friend, commenting on commitment proceedings he'd been involved in, being frustrated that folks he was trying to put away managed to "pull themselves together" and to avoid that fate. I hope you can do that--i.e., "pull yourself together". Maybe reformulate those three complaints of yuors into: (1) you are experiencing bad side effects from your meds and want to be put on something less risky and harmful; (2) you'd like to retain your status as a licensed driver, since you really don't have a recent record of serious traffic accidents; (3) your record in recent years shows you have no current problems living semi-independently. And remember the 3 C's: calm, cool, and collected. I hope I haven't offended you or added to your misery. These are just my opinions, from someone who really doesn't know you. Please ake appropriate allowances. Good luck!

 

Thank you Tishomingo for your reply.

Yeah, I finally started using that catheter today. I didn't realize there was so much urine left in my bladder even after I seem to have completely emptied it. My first urologist told me about this about 20 years ago. My pediatrician knew I had frequent urination by age 13. I've had it since age 9. I'm sure there was someone then who knew of it. Especially if I've been secretly watched since at least age 7. It's obviously due to my Cerebral Palsy. It couldn't be more obvious. I've had Cerebral Palsy all my life. And people like that court, the police, my grade school and many others still abused me psychologically. And they didn't protect me. From people like that boy in the 8th grade and that teached who slapped me with all her might. And then before I turned 18 even, they started tormenting me by telling me over and over again that I'd be sent to Northville Psychiatric Hospital, and experience unending, unbearable akathisia pain for the rest of my natural life, I was told, and from a medicine I didn't even need and never should have been given to begin with. And I would have never been able to physically defend myself in Northville either. And I am a good person. I've never had issues with the law. There just was no reason for threats like that. Threats that made me feel suicide was the only option, even though I never wanted to die. And then in 2004, people everywhere started telling me that I would be abused in prison for many decades, on trumped up or made up charges. Everyone told me that, as part of some sick moral lesson I still have been trying to figure out. Where again I could never defend myself physically, and there was no need to tell me that. But they tormented me with that, over and over and over again. Just like they tormented me telling me I was too ugly to beg even, to ugly to live, starting at age 11. And now that court claims I need a secret guardianship? Because I am suicidal? And in case they drive me to attempt suicide again? No. I think that's horribly reasoning. I think it's all there fault. I think I am innocent in all of this and have never done anything wrong, or anything to deserve all of this. And I am going to make it my life's mission to expose them and what they did to me all my life. And how, like my legal guardian, they are blaming me for their abuse, and saying it is all my fault. And now my neighbors are plotting physical violence against me. Because someone told them something terrible and untrue about me. And again, even though I could never defend myself if I was attacked or mugged in Detroit. And on top of that, someone wanted to take away my car, even up till 2013. And as far as I know, people are still thinking about it. Leaving me without a car, to walk the mean streets of Detroit alone. Waiting for buses that never come in Detroit, and trying to find a supermarket when we have none. Everyone in my life knew all that. Just like they knew I had Type II Diabetes and neuropathy in my feet for the past 20 years. And they still were trying to take my car away from me. Even though I am an excellent driver, and a very courteous and law-abiding driver too. And when it is vital someone who is handicapped like me always has a car.

I guess nothing is going to be done about my case even by January. That man is still my legal guardian. He still doesn't care about my welfare, and in fact thinks he's the victim in all of this. That is why by next year, I am going to have to start submitting my legal case. And start exposing people like hime, that court, and all the rest. Not because I want to, but because people leave me with little choice when they don't help me. And they like my guardian and that judge last year, tell me they think it's all funny to them on top of that.

 

I'm definitely not suicidal. And I'm not thinking of suicide now of course. But when you're facing being put away in some terrible place, much like in Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" suicide is really your only option. Because your problems are caused by society and the government. And much like terminal illness, there's really no way to escape those problems. Dr. Jack Kevorkian even talked about this. And I know most Michiganders would agree with me. If they knew all about my situation. And I will always makes they do then.

My two suicide attempts were caused my unnecessary psychological abuse, and threats. By people lying about me and then saying the lies were true or that it was somehow all my fault. By unfair things, things that were clever secret threats, like Northville and taking away my car. Both of which involved harm to me and violence, but seem harmless. So if I brough it up in public, it wouldn't seem so odd. And secrecy. But that court is not going to end the secrecy, are they? And they are going to just continue business as usual with the rest to. That is why I will have to do the only thing I can. Make sure that everyone knows what they did to me and what they are doing to me. Now and for the rest of my life.

 

Also, like I told one of my cousins about a year ago. The car thing shows how people view and treat me differently. Maybe sometimes even in ways they don't know. Because starting around 2005, people started saying they wanted to take my car away from me. It wasn't really necessary they said. But it would just make everyone feel better. What? I didn't say it. But I felt like asking them, how would you like it if someone said that to you? They wanted to take away your car or house. Just to make them feel better.

The car thing shows everything that is wrong with this situation. And it shows people have too much power over me that they could do that on a whim.

 

As I've said, it is vital I always have a car. For my safety and health, and for my power of consent always. And people like that paramedic were still talking about it as late as 2013.

I know I would lose a toe for sure without a car. And people in my life probably knew that by 2010 or 11 I recently learned. I've had Type II Diabetes and neuropathy in my feet longer than I have been treated for it with antidiabetic drugs. Long before my doctors even told me. I don' t even know when my doctors first found out. They obviously sometimes lie to me about my blood tests. They tell me or show me that themselves sometimes. But they are being more open, about their lying and deception at least. My doctors may have even known about my diabetes and neuropathy by 2005. Actually, my weight gain began in 1994. Maybe my doctors and others even knew things then. Things that they haven't told me or others. The lying and deception in my life is not necessary. And it is harming me.

 

I've stayed at home and slept for like the past two days straight. And I didn't have these symptoms before, recently. I think someone might be slipping something into my others meds perhaps, or maybe some place else, I don't know. Perhaps some more Olanzapine. I'm not saying that's what's happening. And I'm not being paranoid. But one thing about my life, when I assume it's happening, even when it's very weird, it usually is.

Again, I'm not saying someone is doing this. But if it is happening, it's very wrong. I already might lose the use of my feet some day. One of them may even need to be amputated some day. And like I said, I think my neuropathy and diabetes might be worse than people in my life let on. So I don't think that's right, or it should be allowed. It certainly isn't necessary, and was never necessary for me.

Again, I'm not saying this is what is happening. But I don't usually sleep this much. And I don't have a cold, etc. I know.

 

It's actually an interesting story how I know my doctors are lying to me about my blood test results. Like I've told people, I stopped all Olanzapine for about six month, around November of last year. And one of my doctors told me my blood sugar and A1C fell a little bit. Then they eventually told me later, no. Actually it fell quite a bit. And the doctor who told me even corrected himself, explaining the number they gave me when they told me it fell a little bit was incorrect.

My doctors have been lying to me for the past 30 years about how those psychiatric medicines were slowly harming me. And now they've done permanent damage that can never be reversed. It was wrong, it was never necessary. And if I lost my car or ended up in a place like a group home, I'd lose all medical consent. And I'd be at the mercy of whatever reckless thing my legal guardian, that court, my doctors or anyone else in my life was secretly doing at the time. That is why that can never be allowed to happen.

 

I went to that clinic Wednesday for the diabetic wounds on my legs. They told me there I had no diabetic wounds on my legs. That was an obvious lie. Although they did put a special patch on my largest diabetic wound. It would be nice if I could trust the medical authorities in my life. I might need to some day. But of course I can't. I know, in fact I've always known, that it is always wrong for medical staff to harm or take part in the abuse of a patient. I actually thought what happened at that hospital in 1988 and 9 might have never happened. It's good thing that I did. Because I think it helped me distance myself from that experience. But it's a shame that clinic is not going to help me with my diabetic wounds. They aren't bad now. Of course I wouldn't know because I am a doctor. But I could really benefit from things like therapy and wound care, if I got it right now. But I guess no one is going to do that, and probably no one is going to help me in by January either. And my guardian is going to continue being my secret legal guardian, making reckless decisions behind my back. No one even tried to convince that that was corrected. Maybe that is better too though. But you know, fate has a way of teaching people valuable lessons, when powerless people like me are unable to. So I guess I'll just have to let this situation take what course it will then.

The people at that clinic also said that Gabapentin can help me with my slight lack of balance when I walk and stand. I never heard of that, and I wonder if that isn't just another red herring. To make me take some medicine again I don't need, or to explain away another side effect like my doctors did in 1984, saying that my akathisia, which was turning me into a virtual invalid, was just chronic fatigue syndrome. I don't know. My problems will be complicated by my Cerebral Palsy I know. I never normal, or at least very good, sensitivity in my hands or limbs to begin with. This will probably just get worse as I age. And I guess when I am neglected in a nursing home some day, my legal guardian will just laugh, because he will think that is funny.

I certainly don't, and I hope everyone involved in this situation gets what they deserve some day.

 

I want something done by January. That's not a demand, and I don't think that's asking too much. Or I will keep submitting and re-submitting, and telling everyone everything I know. That my doctors knew I had diabetes and neuropathy since the hair loss on the bottom of my legs. And then they, and that court, continued to harm me thought they knew I was damaged and harmed. Even though they knew I was already harmed, and it wasn't even necessary. And they should have stopped even if it was necessary. I've had Cerebral Palsy all my life, and it was obvious to everyone in my life, including the medical authorities in my life and that court. But they continued to psychologically abuse me. They continued to fail to protect me from people like that boy in the 8th grade. They continued to force me to take those antipsychotic drugs, even though they were never meant for people with my diagnoses, even though they were unnecessary, even though they damaging me right from the start, and even may have caused me brain damage in 1984. And then they threatened and were about to put me in Northville Psychiatric Hospital before I was even a legal adult, where this situation with the antipsychotics, and abuse and neglect, would have gotten much worse. And they argued that I was danger to others, when nothing could be further from the truth. They argued I was a suicide risk, even though they and they alone were the ones driving me to think that was the only option. And they psychologically tortured and abuse me, and said it was my fault as I said. They threatened to take away my car for over 20 years, even though it was unnecessary and what danger I would be in where I lived, and how I'd lose all quality of life and medical consent that way.

I will keep copying and pasting, submitting and re-submitting, and sharing with other, and getting others involved, for the rest of my life. Because I will never know when this is all really over with. (But I still want to see something by January.) I want that man removed as my secret legal guardian. But I will still need him as trustee. And then he has to be monitored and watched, to make sure he doesn't neglect or try to get rid of me, and fulfills his obligations towards me legally. I want all of the secrecy, and all of the abuse to end. I want to be made a full participant in all that is going on in my life. And I want all reckless decisions and forced medications to stop, and never be done in my life again. And, I want everyone who broke the law when they violated my rights held accountable. So people know you don't exploit the handicapped and vulnerable, and misuse your power and authority like that in the United States, and then get away with it, or just act like it doesn't matter.

 

You know, I was taught all my life. Lying and deceiving are only justified in the more extreme cases, when they are clearly the lesser of two evils. And then, only for that moment in time. You're not supposed to keep a lie going for years, and then decades. People have been lying to me about medical matters since at least high school. And they were lying to me about the harm though psychiatric drugs were doing to me, starting in 1992. For the first time in my life, I became overweight in 1994. My doctors probably noticed then things had gone very wrong. With my cholesterol, blood sugar and A1C. And then about 10-15 years ago my doctors told me that my blood sugar and A1C were better than normal even. Maybe due to the fiber therapy I was taking. They probably were not. By then in fact, my Type II Diabetes and neuropathy were probably well under way and getting worse even. So why did they tell me such a horrible, untrue lie? That things were even getting better for me?

And I have been under a secret legal guardianship since at least 1992. Actually a lot of people in Michigan probably are. They just have no way of know. Because everyone plays along with the deception and the forms they sign look real. They just keep suddenly losing things. Things like their homes, they cars, their driver's licenses. And then they eventually end up in a group home or old age home, when their family decides to put them there.

And now my legal guardian seems to be telling me I should just accept the situation and play along with the lie. I will not. Not now or ever. And also my legal guardian and that judge also think this is all somehow funny. I don't think it's funny. I think it's very serious and wrong.

 

And you know, the permanent damage to my feet are only going to be complicated by my Cerebral Palsy from what I understand. Cerebral Palsy doesn't get worse with age. But it can complicate the aging process, and make problems associated with aging worse. I'm going to need special treatment and care as I get older. I'm 56 already, and I'm not getting younger. And as I've said, things like therapy and diabetic wound care should be started right now. And then what will happen to me in the future? I will need the status of Cerebral Palsy and the special care that comes with it. I don't have that now, my doctors tell me. And I will need more money and better benefits for my Cerebral Palsy and the complications I'll get when I age. Right now my medical insurance doesn't really seem to pay for anything related to my Type II Diabetes, neuropathy and Cerebral Palsy, for some reason.

I'll need the diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy, the benefits I have coming for that. And I will need as much independence as possible for as long as possible. My car, my house, enough money to have both. I can't lose medical consent, because then that court and my legal guardian would just abuse and neglect me more. They both think all of that is funny. But I sure don't.

 

Another very strange thing in my life, people have no respect for me. And they think they can get way too familiar with me. They think they can pry into my life, ask me questions about what I am doing and what I am up to. And they think every part of my life and everything I do is their business. I think I have this problem with a lot of people, and everywhere I go. But the main offenders are my legal guardian, my former psychiatrist, my neighbors and the police. Especially with the car thing. Around 2004 or 5, for the first time in my life, people suddenly and without warning told me they were thinking of taking my driver's license away. I had been driving since 1989, and no one brought that up before. My neighbors, my psychiatrist, the police. My psychiatrist started acting like he thought I had the mind of a child and maybe could barely read even. The police started talking to me like child. Come on, come, they'd say. Let us take your license away. Do it for us. Even then people must have known how devastating it would be for me to be without a car, especially where I live. I'd lose everything that way. And my neighbors started giving me long stares and dirty looks. And this was the time when my neighbors starting thinking I had the mind of a child too. All the cars in my neighborhood would pull to the side when I drove down my street. As I told my therapist in 2022, one lady would block the road when I was driving home. She'd be way off in the distance and she'd block the road to make the point that she was already pulling to the side or stopping for me, acting silly about it. It's probably none of my business. But I've noticed many of my neighbors are driving around with dents and missing tail lights. But that's just it, it's none of my business. So why did they think the fact I drive a car was any of their business?

And now I learn I've had Cerebral Palsy since birth and permanent nerve damage in my feet that could lead to the loss of use of my feet. All for medicines I never needed and never should have taken to begin with. And I would have done something about that if I knew that the neuropathy and diabetes began 15-20 ago. But my doctors told me my A1C were better than normal than, and my hair loss and other symptoms were nothing or nothing to worry about. I'll need care and special attention for the rest of my life. But who will care for me? My secret legal guardian is still my secret legal guardian, belligerent as ever. And now he tells me he thinks he is the real victim in all of this. I'll need special care and this will only get worse and become more of an issue with time. And things like independence and quality of life are very important to me. But no one seems to care.

 

Also, I'm beginning to realize that the ultrasound that clinic did on my legs in July might have shown things are worse for me than people in my life, and worse than they told other people, and me. The neuropathy in my feet is not getting better, it might be even getting worse. I can still drive with bariatric boots on. But that might not be forever. And everything is business as usual in my life, and no one is helping. I'm not getting therapy for my feet or wound care. Nobody seems to planning for the future in my life in any way. And everyone is telling me absolutely nothing is wrong and I should just play along. And my guardian is getting more angry and belligerent now, and blaming me. The medical treatment I get now, along with restoring my consent and legal rights now too, will affect things in my life, and for people in Michigan in similar cases, for years to come. But no one is doing anything. And no one ever will as far as I know.

 

And I don't know what I'd do if I needed a car with hand pedals. My legal guardian already thinks my car and insurance are too expensive for him, even though he lives in an expensive suburb of Detroit, one of the "Pointe's". And I can't get ahold of him for an emergency or urgent matter. If my basement was flooded or I had an unusually long power outage, I'd never be able to get ahold of him. If I try to get him to get me a hand pedal car, he'd always be conveniently unavailable. He'd stop returning my calls, and not answer his phone, even in the middle of the day. He's supposed to check up on me about once a month. But he never does. And he already thinks I'm more trouble than I'm worth.

If someone else in my life would help me, maybe I could get a car with hand pedals if/when I ever need one. But no one in my life will help me. No one even admits there is a problem.

 

A doctor's office told me today that my A1C is 5.4, as of early December. I find that hard to believe, at least a little. But I really don't know.