My Mental History.

Well Tishomingo it is part of my medical claim of a pattern of abuse, by many people, including the mental health authorities in my state, and how they have always failed to protect me too.

And speaking of things that have happened to me in public, there's people doing things that make me angry, often very angry. And now I realize. They were doing on purpose many times. Like more recently, again with in the past couple of years even. When people do things to excess, do them in exaggerated ways or go out of their way just to do it, or do it just to do it to me, it makes me very angry sometimes. I think it would anyone. And the ways it happened now, some of them very unlikely, make it clear. They were doing that on purpose. Fortunately I don't succumb to the effects of anger very much or at all. But that is what they were doing, most of my life. Trying to make me very angry. But why?

 

Also, I think some of the things people did to make me angry, and hurt me a lot, sometimes may have been forms of negative reinforcement. I don't know. I was telling my 1986 therapist about this, that certain thoughts seemed to create negative reactions of people around me. And he said what thoughts? Bad or sinful thoughts? I told him no, really any thought. But especially intensely emotional thoughts. Leading to a time in my life, from the Summer of 1983 to the Summer of 1989, when I found it very hard to be out in public. Just school, the barbershop and doctor's office were all I went to. That's it. And there are many other ways to appear to read people's minds. Trigger words, putting emphasis on words, eliciting responses in other ways. Like I said, the street magician David Blaine did that trick once. He paused on one card as he shuffled the deck from hand to hand. And you didn't even see him do it, or see that it was that card. But it was, and he did appear to be reading your mind at that point. There are many magicians' tricks like that, and many ways to deceive people in general, and to appear to have information about them that you couldn't possibly have.

 

I just sent this email to multiple recipients, including my therapist:

"Anyways, I have something important to add to my claim now. And I'm sorry [my therapist] to include you again. But you might be the one to submit this claim. And I will probably in the future always include you in important emails in any event.

It seems pretty obvious to me now that [that court] is slipping more Olanzapine into another one of my medicines. In the past when I suspected things I was always right. Even if I didn't find out more until years later. Did my classmates in grade school and high school have information about me they couldn't have possibly? Of course they did. Did my HS psychiatrist [his name and city] know that I was suffering from the side effect of akathisia, from a medicine I never needed, and never should have been taking. Because it wasn't helping me in the slightest way, it was turning me into a virtual invalid, and a person like me with Cerebral Palsy should have been taking a medicine like that to begin with? And even though all these years later no one has admitted to that? Of course he did. How could he not? Was [his name again] in private communication with my pediatrician [his name], playing along with this unethical and dangerous deception, telling me that I had mononucleosis at first and then chronic fatigue syndrome, both of which I never had, even though the two supposedly had not even seen each other since they practiced together after medical school? Thus starting this pattern of robbing me of my medical consent by lying to me about a serious matter where my doctors or others were acting reckless in a way that was never necessary? Of course that was all true. Did my doctors know that I had Cerebral Palsy from birth? Of course they did. Someone should have suspected something at some point in my childhood, if nothing else. And I took two EEG's at [that hospital] in the Summer of 1986. Those EEG's would have confirmed right away that I had Cerebral Palsy, wouldn't they? Thus beginning a pattern of my being abused by [that hospital], [that city], and also everyone in my life knowing full well by then what problems I had, and so what damage they must have been causing me after the EEG's. What ever their reasons, they all knew exactly what they were doing. And they still did it for many years. And instead of correcting this mistake, they continue to do it now. Harming me more, with damage now that could be avoided right now. Damage I know of now and do not consent to. And damage that will complicate the aging process now that I am a senior citizen, have Cerebral Palsy, and already many problems like Type II Diabetes, heart disease, glaucoma, neuropathy, and many more. Medical problems that I will be dealing with the rest of my life. And medical problems most, or all of which, were caused by [that court] and the medical personnel in my life. They know about all of this, and so do I now.

And I do not consent to any of this. And I demand it stop immediately. Every day that it continues is one more day that I don't consent, one more day that damage is being done to my body that can be easily avoided now, and damage that I demand end. So if this helps any, I want every day considered another day that I resubmit this. That I don't consent, I demand it stop and that I am aware of the damage [that court] is doing to me. Damage that can be easily avoided this time. And I will also need to know which one of my medicines they are slipping the Olanzapine in and I will need it replaced too. I obviously can't stop taking the medicines that are necessary for the damage that [that court] did to me. So they will have to help with that too.

And [that court] does not care about my welfare. They never have. If you just look at my mental health history you can clearly see this. They harmed and damaged me in the past by allowing people to psychologically abuse me, by not giving me information and informed consent, by misleading me and treating me like a child, by teasing me and joking around with me when I told them I felt in danger and begged for their help. Several times actually. And [that court] is not allowed to do this to any person. And I am a very good person. I am not a danger to myself or others in any way. I have never even spent the night in jail. I have never been noncompliant with any of my doctors or mental health workers. If anything I have been far too compliant, and only became uncooperative when they made unreasonable demands of me, became abusive, started making bizarre claims and wild accusations, and then just started acting silly, when none of that was ever necessary. [That court] has been harming me, abusing me, neglecting me and endangering me all my life. But not one time did they ever have a reason to do this, or tell anyone about a reason they had to do this.

And I obviously have less value in [that court's] eyes. They harmed and damaged me in the past, they neglected me and put me at risk. They did it over and over again since I was a young child, and they continue to do it now obviously will do it in the future too, for the rest of my life, which they have now shortened. And they continue to tease me and joke around with me, because they think it is funny. They treat me like a child and unable to make my own decisions while they make reckless, dangerous decisions behind my back. These are things that [that court] has always done and continues to do to me. And [that court] should do that to no person. And it was never even necessary for me.

And [that court] places less value on all people, obviously. Because if they do things like this to me, someone who doesn't deserve it and who it was never necessary for, what they do in more serious cases must be much worse. And they must place even less value of the lives and right of those people. People including the handicapped, the intellectually impaired, the mentally ill and people awaiting trial and convicted of crimes.

And now [that court] expects me to start submitting a case against them to have my case reviewed? When people are still ignoring me, they are still playing along with the deception, and I already know that this will probably all go nowhere. This would be hard to do when I was younger. I am an old man now. I probably should spend the rest of my life, which [that court] has shortened, enjoying rest and leisure than doing this anyways. And yet [that court] would rather have me do this.

Anyways, that is my new or updated claim. And whoever is responsible for that can submit it now [that court] and whoever else is responsible for my case and whoever else handles these things. I want all legal action possible taken against everyone. And I want my case to be used in changing Michigan law if possible, including things rights of guardians, and also things like I brought up recently about how confidentially laws in Michigan are poorly written and even do more harm sometimes."

 

Another thing too about being a place like a group home, even a nice one really. They can control the information you get. They can do that in many ways. I know a couple years ago one of my doctors said something. And I really didn't believe what he said basically. And I said, well maybe I'll just look up the information then. And he said, well I can't stop you from doing that.

And now we have the internet. Back when I was in HS the internet wasn't even really possible yet. If I could have researched the side effects of psychiatric drugs, my doctors couldn't pull what they did on me. I know back then we did have libraries. Libraries used to be the way you researched a topic back then. I wouldn't have been able to do that. Because I didn't get out much then and I was all doped up from the Haldol. But libraries are still a good way to research a topic, get information and get help and services in other ways. Especially if you are poor, homeless or handicapped. And also for a long time where I live, we have had the TIP (The Information Place) service with the Detroit library. They answer any question for free if you call their number. And they have a website now too.

 

Right now, I feel tired and I haven't left the house in a couple of days because I'm sleeping more. And my mouth is dry. That weird dry feeling, that doesn't go away even when I drink a glass of water. And the symptoms of the neuropathy in my feet are changing, like only within the past couple of weeks. I can walk and drive still, but I don't know for how much longer. I didn't even know I had neuropathy and diabetes 20 years ago. My doctors told me my A1C was very good. My body won't heal fast like it did when I was young. And I won't let my legal guardian put me in a group home ever. Or even in a retirement home frankly. All the lack of knowledge, medical consent, neglect and general abuse will only be worse there.

Also, my legs are both covered with diabetic wounds. At least one of them might even be getting infected. Probably not, but I don't know. I'm not a doctor. But now that the neuropathy in my legs and feet are getting worse I'll be less sensitive to pain. I may not know if I have an infection that needs to be treated until it's way too late. And frankly I don't know I'll ever go to another emergency room ever again anyways. And the diabetic wounds on my feet aren't being treated. Their not even being monitored by anyone. No one is watching them now except me. Because that clinic I went to recently said they don't even exist.

Like I said, damage that is being done to my body that can be prevented now. That court and my legal guardian have already shortened my lifespan. Why don't they at least let me live the limited time I have left in peace.

 

And the Mellaril was probably damaging me. I started taking it in the Summer of 1992, end of August I seem to remember. When I was involuntarily committed and forcibly medicated for wearing plastic gloves. At least that's all they told me at that sham commitment trial. But the changes began in 1994. The end of 1994, I remember. While I was taking a class at community college. Now read this all carefully:

I was very skinny all my life. The fat deposits on me were never visible. Not until 1994. (When I was about one I had a little "baby fat". But I think that's something different.) I thought there must be something wrong with me. Because fat was never visible, and I never could gain any weight.

Because, and I'm not joking here. I could eat a whole wedding cake, and I would never even gain a fraction of a pound. Never. I don't think I've ever had wedding cake. But everything I just said in that sentence, "I could eat a whole wedding cake..." is literally true. Literally.

And then at the end of 1994 I noticed it. I began to gain a lot weight. In my chest area and on the my hips. I went up to 205 pounds in 1994. That's the first time I ever went above 200 lbs. I was amazed at the time. It never happened before. And up till then I didn't think it was possible. How could it be? I thought.

And my weight, I think starting with the Olanzapine around 2003, but certainly by 2004 (at that hospital) made my weight increase much more. Not right away, I think. But it started increases more and more, and more and more rapidly. Especially like in the past 10 years, I believe. My doctors said it was my fault and I had to diet more. It wasn't my fault and I was doing all I can. And frankly I don't have time to go on a "diet". I can make sensible changes in my lifestyle. Right now I eat little or no sweets. Just a drop of honey for flavoring, which my doctor said was all right, and maybe some fruit from time to time. I don't mind that. I might have a sundae maybe once a year and a candy bar a little more often, unless I hear otherwise. But I used to enjoy the occassional sweet. But now I realize I can never eat like that again.

And my doctor told me that I could go on a drug like Zyprexa. Zyprexa has akathisia as a side effect. It would rob me of all my independence. My doctor told me that with my lower metabolism now, the side effects of Zyprexa would be less. He was obviously lying. I read online that having a lower metabolism with age, and the other problems I now have, makes its side effects worse, maybe even much worse. And I didn't even know till 2011 that I had Cerebral Palsy. I read online that people with Cerebral Palsy should never take drugs like Haldol, Mellaril or Zyprexa under any circumstances. And they knew that in 1984.

Those four points. No, I won't let that court, my legal guardian or anyone else do something like try to put me on Zyprexa. I will stop them in whatever way I can.

Anyways, those four paragraphs, the information I gave, all mean something to someone. I'm not a doctor so it means nothing to me. And my doctors now would just tell me it means nothing. But I know it does. I'll have to put it in my list of things that I submit to that court and others. Of course at my age I should be enjoying life and leisure. But I will have to find a way to do this instead.

 

I was always open to the idea of having a legal guardian. When I was younger I might have resisted it more. I don't know, I was being abused, and lied to and treated unfairly, and then people started acting silly. But I still would have been at least open to the suggestion. I actually would be give me more protections in some ways. My legal guardian couldn't just walk away even when he didn't do the minimum of what he was supposed to. And he would be required to make sure I had all I needed, including a car, which is much more vital now for my safety and independence. A trustee would never be required to do those things.

Of course I would be open to the idea of having a legal guardian. If I could trust him and the legal system. If I could believe people and if I new they were working in my best interests and not to harm me. Right now I'd say no, no, no and no to all of those. So now I guess that may never be an option. And I'll be fighting this for the rest of my life because I'll never know when it's over, and that court is already going out of its way to ignore me. Why can't I just rest and enjoy life now that I'm in the final years of it?

 

Also I just remembered something about the ugliness thing. When I found out I was so ugly, after my alleged friend told me during recess in the 6th grade. And then everyone had to do it, which never made sense. I thought maybe I could put bandages on my face and just tell everyone I was a burn victim, and live a normal life that way. But I soon found that would never work. Like I said two Halloweens, the Halloween of 1980 and Halloween of 1981, I went to the same man's house. And both times he could tell how ugly I was with my mask on, and went out of his way to inform me. So I thought maybe I could be a telemarketer. People didn't use telemarketers too much in the 80's. But that was one job I thought I could do that way. But then like I said, I found out (and I think it might have been in the 8th grade) that people could tell I was ugly even on the phone. Anyways, by HS I figured there was just no solution to the problem. (Although I eventually thought wild ideas like hypnosis or time travel could be the solution.) And, I couldn't even beg, because no one would want to even give me food that way. I'd starve eventually. So not surprisingly, I started to see suicide was the only way out. Even though I have never been suicidal, and was taught as a Catholic that was wrong. But I felt I had no choice.

So if I ever contemplated suicide, it was clearly someone else's fault. Maybe I didn't figure it out or realize it till later. But it wasn't because I was depressed, it wasn't because I was irrational even. Even if I was going by the available information, which I didn't know at the time was just incorrect, or that I was being lied to. But every time I ever even considered the idea of suicide, it was because someone made me feel that I had no choice. And they knew what they were doing.

And sometimes I just didn't tell people at the time everything that was going on in my life that made me feel that way. I am not going to make that mistake ever again.

 

I just emailed some people this earlier today, including my therapist. I think I will copy and paste this to that court as I mail my case to them once a month (I really don't feel like going down there once a month). I could also just put a cover sheet on it and tell them this is some of my email, etc. correspondence, and I want them to review the information in it for my case:

I guess I will include all the other stuff in my monthly letter to the [that court]. And I think I'll send it certified mail too. I don't feel like going down there every month. I have better things to do now really. But if I send it that way, maybe that will be enough.

But like I said, I think in Detroit, and really anywhere in Wayne County or Michigan, if someone is minding their own business, and they are a good driver with a valid license, and then their neighbors start complaining that they want their license taken away. For psychological issue or intellectual handicap, or physical one too really, the police should of course explain to them first it doesn't work that way. And if the person calling the police has a suspended license or worse, they should be given a warning. If they ever do that again, call the police, or Michigan Secretary of State, with a suspended license or worse, and think the police will go along with that, they will be arrested. And if they do again, they should be arrested. Or maybe just ticketed, or have the car taken away. Whatever.

And the police, or whoever, is not allowed to tell someone's neighbors wild untrue things about them. I think in Michigan they are allowed to warn a specific person of one person who is thinking of harming them. Or whatever else Michigan law says about confidentiality. (I was actually led to believe that the HIPAA rules passed in 1996 were going to give people with mental illnesses and other conditions more rights. But I later learned it never seemed to with me. In fact, things in my neighborhood seem to have gotten worse in like the past 5-10 years, which doesn't make any sense. There was nothing different going on in my life at that time. I think though that was the time [my guardian] was trying to dump me somewhere, or do whatever he did that made my doctors feel the need to warn me about him finally. And I am beginning to slowly piece that all together, even though no one will give me anymore information now.) I also was thinking about medical confidentially rules around 2004 as I said. This has nothing to do with my case. But if a man walks into an emergency room with a bullet wound, I don't think they should be required to report it. It just probably means he was in a gunfight with another adult. And doing that will make me people less likely to seek medical help. But anyways whatever anyone told my neighbors, whatever their reason, and whoever did it, it was very wrong. It wasn't justified or necessary. And it has put me in risk of harm now. And frankly, Detroit is not the kind of place you want to be telling people terrible lies about someone. Statistically Detroit is a very violent place. It has a lot to do with lack of law enforcement. And in Detroit people are sometimes shot over poker games that have gone wrong. And I have done nothing wrong, I am a good person, I am physically weak due to Cerebral Palsy and I can't even legally own a gun to defend myself. And also, if anyone still says I don't need a car. Even though I know I do for my independence and welfare, this changes everything. Also the damage that [that court] and [my guardian] have done to me thru forced, and now possibly secret, medication complicates things. I now might lose my feet or have a stroke or heart attack because of it.

And like I said, I am not suicidal. I have never been suicidal a day in my life. I have never even been depressed. The only time I thought suicide was the only solution was when people like [that court], [that school], [that recent place] and [that place that incident happened in 2005] made me think I'd lose all chances of a life or the unbearable pain would never end. And if I ever felt suicidal, it wasn't even because I was irrational, or that the medical professionals in my life were doing enough. Every time it was only due to extreme psychological abuse. Maybe at the time I didn't tell people. Or maybe at the time I didn't know myself what was going on. But that was the cause every time. And if I feel that way again ever in the future, that will still be the only reason. And instead of playing along with people like [that hospital] who claim to be there to help, but instead threaten and abuse me and tell me they are investigating me, I will simply tell everyone everything that they are doing to me next time. Because I refuse to play along anymore.

And also like I said, medical professionals should always be there to help. They shouldn't be there to judge or harm. Or even interrogate or investigate. They should investigate abuse always. But that's different.

And we should always be able to trust the integrity of our legal system. Never should someone be tricked into signing fake legal documents, or go to sham trials, or be lied to and misled while reckless decisions are made behind their back. And they are denied access to the legal system because even their lawyers have to play along with the deception and treat them like children. Those things would be wrong to do ever. But it was done to me for over 30 years.

And BTW, I think I will give [a website I recently emailed] one week to at least reply to me. I emailed them on the 20th like I said. And then I'll tell them I am giving them one more week. And if they still ignore me I will tell them, I will make it my mission. To have them held accountable for what they did to me, deny me access to the legal system. Legally or ethically [i.e., any professional ethical violation they did]. And I will also spend the rest of my life exposing them in the legal community for what they did to me.

 

I'm supposedly educated. I guess I have the equivalent of an associates' degree in college, I tell people (if they ask). But as I was recently telling a doctor, I never assume I'm smart, and I never assume that I know it all. Because no one should.

 

I guess no one is going to help me at all now, are they? And now I am supposed to resolve this all somehow on my own. Even though I don't know everything that is going on and every person I turn to is going to just play along with the deception. And I am having problems now due possibly due to aging and Cerebral Palsy. And someone is clearly slipping something into my other medicines. I have that weird dry feeling in my mouth again, that doesn't go away no matter how many glasses of water I drink. And I am back to sleeping long hours again, like within the past couple weeks. People with Cerebral Palsy should never take those neuroleptic drugs under any circumstances. And I am not a danger to myself or others. I've never even spent the night in jail, and I can't even lift 75 pounds due to Cerebral Palsy. And there is no problem of non-compliance. If anything I think I have been too compliant here. I have gone along with almost every ridiculous thing my doctors have done. And they still think it is necessary to damage me by secretly medicating me against my wishes. I don't consent to this secret medicating at all, and I want it to stop immediately. But someone disagrees and no one cares. And I have no one in my life now who will help me with that. And I wouldn't have the strength to do deal with this when I was a teenager or a young man. And now I am an old man, and I am supposed to solve this all somehow on my own. That court has already limited my lifespan. The Type II Diabetes and other damage they have done is now permanent. I would rather spend this time now relaxing and doing the simple things in life that I enjoy doing. Instead I have to do this, and will spend the rest of my life doing this too. Since like I said, no else really seems to care.

And I actually would be open to the idea of having that man as my legal guardian. I would have been open to it in 2011. It would give me more rights in some ways actually. And now my legal guardian wants to dump even more, since he thinks the damage he and that court did to me is somehow my fault. I guess then probably by now I would even just have agreed to the idea of having him as my legal guardian, just not secretly. But no one even made me part of the discussion yet. And reckless decisions that I would never agree to are being made behind my back again. Like I said the hair loss on my legs, and so Type II Diabetes and neuropathy, began around 2000. If I knew I would have at least said something. I would have gotten more people involved. But now the damage from that is permanent. It could never be reversed. And now more damage that could be easily avoided is being done. But it can't be stopped now because that court won't listen to me and no one even cares. In 2000 I had my father and aunt to fight for me. Now I have no one. And if I lose my feet, I'll even lose my independence without a car.

Like I said, that court has done so much harm to me right from the start. And now they have shortened my life. Why don't they just let me live what few years I have left in peace. That's all I ask now.

 

And I am supposed to go to that new place for a psychiatrist February 6th. But I don't know what the point would be. They already said they can't help me with my legal issues, even though someone clearly told me once they could. I just need someone to sign my disability forms now. But someone seems to be doing that anyways. And my legal guardian tells me my disability status is a secret anyways. I could be out at that clinic on Feb. 6th perhaps if someone just waited there till 5 for me. But they told me already they couldn't. And it's getting harder and harder to be on time now as I said. And harder still now that I am all doped up. And I am supposed to single-handedly solve all these issues, with the limited time I have each day. Why doesn't my guardian just take care of some of this? But he is very angry at me now. He is ignoring me and refusing to answer my phone calls. He used to rarely come out to my house, even though he is supposed to check on me once a month. Now he doesn't come at all. And that court thinks I still need him as guardian. I'd rather not have him as guardian, but I am willing to have that as an option. I may have no choice. But no one will enen listen to me. I am not allowed to be part of the discussion in any way.

And my neighbors are very angry at me. The last time I had to walk to the corner store I could tell, many of them still wanted to take away my car. You should never tell someone's neighbors something that would make them so angry if it were true. But in my case it isn't even true. I've done nothing wrong. I am a very good person. I've never even spent the night in jail. I am very weak from Cerebral Palsy and I am an old man now. And I have never been a danger to myself. And yet someone thought they had to do this, and no one stopped them. And now I have to live here for life my therapist recently told me. And yet my situation is getting worse each day, and no one is helping me in any way. And no one seems to care.

 

Also, things have to be kept the way they are now, or I would be homeless probably in couple of weeks. I am used to the way things are set up. I do need a little help, and I always agreed with that. But I don't think I can get a job, even part time. I don't think I ever could really. In the Summer of 1991 I was thinking of getting a job, but I never did. A part time job when I was younger was possible. But I was younger then. And people say an 8 hour day is considered part time. I could never work an 8 hour shift. I'd have no time for my life. And I think rest and leisure are important. In fact in 1948, the UN declared a reasonable amount of rest and leisure for everyone a fundamental right. Plus I think my Cerebral Palsy has a lot to do with it. I need the full status of Cerebral Palsy and all the benefits that come with it. I didn't know I had Cerebral Palsy until 2011. It can affect things like focus and concentration. Plus I am an old man now. My Cerebral Palsy hasn't affected my functioning yet with old age. But it may soon. I am 56 now, and I am already have problems that may be due it as I said. I need to start focusing on that. I really don't even have time for all of this. And it's going nowhere, and everyone is still playing along. And I am being denied access to the legal system, and denied a lawyer. Which I used to think was impossible, for anyone. And it's not even necessary in my case. Plus I don't know what effects neuroleptic drugs would have on an old person with Cerebral Palsy. Maybe I'll look it up. But a doctor would know. But if a person with Cerebral Palsy shouldn't be taking those drugs at all, I'm sure that an old person with Cerebral Palsy definitely shouldn't.

 

I guess I'll have to start submitting and then resubmitting my petition to that court once a month asking them to review my case. I already faxed them September 25th. But they just ignored me, like I don't exist. And when I emailed them, they teased me, and thought it was funny even when I told them how desperate my situation was. The advantage to going someplace in person is that they can't ignore me. And they already have started doing that. So I guess I may have to go down there.

As I said, those are the new things that I am submitting them. That they are endangering me by slipping me more Olanzapine, and I may lose my feet or worse now. And then lose all independence and medical consent, and then be at their mercy with their reckless decisions in my case. They are endangering me by telling my neighbors terrible things about me that aren't true. And telling someone's neighbors terrible things about them would be dangerous even if they were true, especially in a place like Detroit with such a high incidence of violent crime. And I am not a danger to myself or others. I am a very good person. I have never even spent the night in jail and the only reason why I attempted suicide twice is because that court drove me to it. Either directly or by allowing people to severely psychologically abuse me, at least since age 11. And, they have already damaged me so much, and taken so much away from me already. And now I am an old man with a shortened lifespan because of them. Why don't they just let me live what is left of my year now in peace?

And then they will tell me that they don't know what I am talking about. I don't know why they are doing that. I found about a couple of years ago. They aren't fooling me in any way with that. But they think they are for some reason.

I wonder if that is not my real reason for being in this world. To stand up to them and question them. Because some people can't and some people don't try. But I will, even though I should be enjoying what little that court has left of my life now, since life is precious and I have limited time left because of them.

 

I just talked to a doctor's office (who still claims they don't have me down for Cerebral Palsy, and they don't know what I am talking about), and I told her. I already talked to my doctors about why it should have been obvious that I have Cerebral Palsy. And I will repeat:

I have to concentrate, struggle even, to control my legs and mouth. I don't think about it anymore. But I've noticed this all my life.

When I swallow, I have to give the food a little extra push. That is why it takes me so long to eat, even when people told me to "hurry up", like as a child. In the 8th grade, the kids teased me for eating my apple by the teacher's desk at the end of lunch. I had to, because it took me so long to eat. I can't eat fast, no matter how hard I try.

My lungs feel tired sometimes. Again in grade school, we studied involuntary muscles. They never get tired, the teacher said. I told her, well my lungs sure do sometimes. She got annoyed and told me that was impossible. A nurse once told me that is impossible. Your lungs should never feel tired. And like I said, I have noticed this all my life. And as you can see, so did many others.

I don't know why, it doesn't make sense. But all my doctors are denying me the status of Cerebral Palsy. They say they don't even know what I am talking about. But these three things will be my talking points now to that court. Because someone like a doctor would know what this all means.

 

I might as well say here. My therapist said file your petition against your legal guardian now, just email. I went to the website of Wayne County Probate Court and they said emails are not accepted. Either postal letters or faxes. I did fax them, at that very number. September 25, 2024. And they totally ignored me. Or maybe they just didn't let me know what was going on. Or my therapist either, obviously.

Why don't I have any access to the legal system? And am I being ignored? Or is everything now being kept secret even from my therapist?

 

Respect

Mzzls

 

Also, just to make clear, my approach to issue of self neglect and self harm is going to be completely different now. I have never had a problem with either.

If I ever attempted, or even thought of suicide in any way ever in my life, it was other people's fault. They knew exactly what they were doing, they knew what effect it was having on me. And they still did it, even when they saw it was making me desperate. So if that ever comes up again in any way, for example if I ever end up in the emergency room again for what people are deliberately doing to me in my life then, I will tell everyone there, and then after that, all I know and all that everyone was doing that led me to that point of desperation. And, I am not ever going to even answer questions anyone asks me, like "Do you feel suicidal?" I am not suicidal and never have been. I have never been depressed even once in my life. So there is no reason for me to even answer questions like that, and I never will again. And, not wanting to suffer in unbearable pain for the rest of your life, or lose all quality of life (like when people in my grade school led me to believe I was too ugly to even beg) doesn't make me suicidal, it makes me human.

And I take very good care of myself and always have. And no one is treating the diabetic wounds on my legs. They don't seem too bad now. But they supposedly don't even exist, and I think I should be getting treatment for them now. And I have Cerebral Palsy. I am sometimes insensitive to pain. That doesn't seem to be a problem, especially in my feet and legs. But I don't know, because I am not a doctor. So what I think I will do now is start gathering facts and evidence, about how my legs are doing and they are they healing, things like that. And dates too, that there is any change in them. And then if anyone ever says I neglect myself in any way, I will show them all that evidence. And tell them all of that was going on, while my doctors were not treating me, and telling me the problem didn't even exist.

 

The mailman picked up my new petition to have my case reviewed at that court. But I already filed a petition. By fax on Sept. 25. And they totally ignored me. I pleaded for their help and told them how serious situation had become. And how I was the victim of neglect and abuse by the system. And how unnecessary it was. And they still ignored me.

This time I gave more detail and filed a fee waiver form, if that makes a difference. I explained to them that a person with Cerebral Palsy should never take those medicines under any circumstances. And I told them, you think I don't have Cerebral Palsy? Then I shared all the proof I had Cerebral Palsy in post #315. Almost word-for-word because I copied and pasted what I posted here earlier. I told them there's permanent damage to my feet and my doctors lied to me about my Type II Diabetes about 20 years ago.

If they still igrnore me, it will be after I said all that.

 

I once asked a doctor, quite a while ago actually, how much water should you drink when you have a cold. He said, sir, how could we measure that? How can you measure a rainbow? How can measure the love you get from a puppy dog? I said, I don't know how you could measure a rainbow or puppy dog. But you can easily measure water. Eight ounces, usually. Like they say you should drink at least eight 8 oz. cups of water a day. And there must have been a study. Sir, he said, there was no study. Because how could we study that?

Anyways, he might have just been joking. But I was asking him a question. (And my 2011 therapist said when he has a cold, he drinks 8 oz. of water, from a nearby drinking fountain, every hour on the hour. Because you know, you don't want to drink too much water either and then flush out all your vitamins and minerals.) But if my doctor don't give me information and I just want a short brief answer, I can use Google AI now. If I was in a nursing home, I have to ask the staff. And they do slip medications into your food in nursing homes. We were talking about that when my grandfather went to one in 1989. And if I asked them about why I suddenly have side effects, from that for example, they'd just lie to me. I now know my doctors are obviously lying to me. They lied to me in the past when the damage I have now from neuropathy in my feet and Type II Diabetes could have been prevented. And now I have diabetic wounds on my feet that I think should be monitored and treated now.

If they don't want to tell me information, that's their choice. I'm still a free man, and a competent man. I can look it up myself. But if they keep lying to me, I will have to start reporting them.