National Identity Card Scheme

I think I would still prefer any inbuilt chip to be in my finger rather than anywhere else. I don't think auto payments to hookers by chip and pin would really be a good idea. What happens if they overcharge. I'ts not like you can return the goods or anything is it.

I heard that the new ID cards were now going to be compulsory with a £500 fine and possible prison sentence for anyone caught not carrying them.

 

No its £1000 and 10 years in sing sing prison and the posibility of canstration .

 

Hells teeth I better get my flak jacket and don me second world war air wardens helmet then. Now you did mean castration right or is canstration some weird and warped kind of jungle torture?




Wheres that obnoxious twat of a punk gone. I miss his comments


- on stand by for acid rain attack ~ grins

 

yeah i meant castration ooops ..

don't give the bastard pigs any ideas..

 

Cobalt and Matthew

Two idiots went into a movie theater to see a horse race film. The first idiot said to his companion, "I'll bet you £5 that No. 2 will win the race." The second idiot agreed to the bet, and the horse won. After the movie, the first idiot said, "I have a confession to make I saw the movie yesterday." The other idiot replied, "So did I, but I didn't think he would win twice in a row."






Two idiots walk into a pet store. The first says, "I want four budgies."

The salesman replies, "Certainly sir, would you like two male and two female, or all male or all female?"

The idiot shoots back, "I don't care. I just want four budgies!"

The salesman, without losing his cool, continues: "Very well sir, what color would you like them to be? We have yellow, blue, gr..."

The idiot interrupts, yelling, "I don't give a darn what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard?"

The salesman quickly grabs four birds from the budgie cages and shoves them into a pet carrier. The second idiot pulls out his wallet and pays for the birds, and then both idiots leave.

They drive out to a high cliff and the first idiot reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. He plummets like a rock and hits the bottom of the cliff with a loud "SPLAT".

The second idiot looks down at his friend's mangled remains and says, "Dang, this budgie jumping isn't all it's cracked up to be."




Number One Idiot of 2003
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in
toxicology at the poison control center. Today,
this woman called in very upset because she caught
her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and
there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the
ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away.

Number Two Idiots of 2003
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of
the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for
a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Number Three Idiot of 2003
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting
to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting
to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might
call the police before he reached the teller's
window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few
minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his
spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor, told him that she could not accept
his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have
to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man
said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes
later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of
America.

Number four Idiot of 2003
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that measured his speed using radar and
photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of
his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later,
he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs. He
immediately mailed in his $40.

Number Five Idiot of 2003
A guy walked into a little corner store with a
shotgu n and demanded all of the cash from the cash
drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe
you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because he
didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took
his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it
to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed
that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the
Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the
store with his loot. The cashier promptly called
the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license. They arrested
the robber two hours later.

Idiot Number Six of 2003
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted,
"Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.

Idiot Number Seven of 2003
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder
block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back a nd hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor
store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole
event was caught on videotape.


Ya dig? Idiots?

 

LOL Zonk - Good one

Hey I had a dream about you the other night. Pretty scary stuff. I dreamt I had died and gone to hell. Now whilst I havn't exactly been an Angel I couldn't understand what I had done so wrong to deserve being destined for a life in hell. After four days and nights of the most miserable time you could imagine I was summoned to the offices of one of the devil's advisors who explained that whilst I had been bad I had not been very very bad and that I was a border line case. If I would consider a penalty then perhaps they would let me proceed to heaven.

The penalty was undeniably cruel. I was led to the room of the most ugliest women you have ever seen in your life. I was told that if I slept with her I would be released. It took me days to even muster up enough courage to accept the penalty and I finally did the dirty deed and left the room, disgusted and feeling so low and cheap.

To make matters worse as I am coming out of the room I see you, I see Zonk. He's in another room with the world's most beautiful women. Imagine my shock. I get the world's most ugly women and he is in there with the most beautiful women you have ever seen.

As I am about to leave the gates of hell I cannot contain my concern any longer. I have to know. I turn to the gatekeeper and I ask. " How come I get a penalty of having to sleep with the worlds ugliest women and that punk geezer gets to sleep with the most beautiful women in the world? It's so unfair". The gatekeeper gives a knowing look and with a deep sigh he says " Well I understand how it seems but you have to understand - she might be the prettiest woman in the world but - she was bad too!"

Now, on a completely different note. I was of course joking about the fines and the identity card until I read this morning that not only are the ID cards going to become compulsory but they are going to cost us around £100.

Add to this the fact that if we don't register for one we will get fined £2500. Forgetting to tell the authorities about a change of address could mean a £1000 fine! These cards were orginally estimated to cost around £80 but now it looks like we will all end up paying and the cost has risen.

During 2010 to 2012 voluntary registration will take place and then it will become mandatory. The original bill makes no reference to this. Blunkett is convinced the cards will become the main proof of identity in the UK - well of course they will if they cost more than a bloody passport.

Blunkett states that this will help tackle fraud as well as terrorism and illegal immigration. The middle classes will subsidise the poor with cheaper cards for those on low income and higher charges for others.

Dozens of offices around the country will process the cards and be set up to scan fingeprints, facial features and iris scans. The data WILL be stored on computer along with a persons name, address, age, gender, nationality, immigration status, signature, a unique ID number plus the details of other official documents which as yet are undefined.

The only concession so far seems to be that we will not be required to carry it on our person. Using a card fraudulently will become a serious crime with a ten year maximum jail sentence.

Commented in the press the Immigration Minister Des Browne said that civil rights campaigners who see ID cards as a dangerous step towards a police state are unjustified. He argues that the scheme is only an individual profile and that store card applications hold more details than the ID card will.

Are we being spoon fed the ID card bill in bite sized chunks before it is launched? What other surprises do they have up their sleeves?