Need Honest Opinions

I think you're kind of seeing that based on the opinions and advice you are getting here, is that she is crazy, probably a liar (I also wondered if she had lied about that.. have you seen anything as proof?), and has some self esteem issues. If she thinks yelling is abusive, you would be walking eggshells all of the time. Emotions are apart of life, unless you are angry and yelling all of the time, most people can get over it and move on... it doesn't sound like she can, although she dishes it out with her children.

If you do plan to stay with her, I would highly recommend that you both get some counseling... both as individuals as well as couple counseling and parenting classes for you both wouldn't hurt either.

As far as the Satanist attitudes she has, it doesn't sound like she is a true Satanist (I have friends who are), but more angry at a church due to bad experiences and she is "rebelling" against religious teachings. That's just one more issue that you will have to deal with.

You are mostly likely not going to be able to change her, she is the only one who can do that and she will need to want to do that. If she is in denial that there is a problem it's not going to happen. You always have so many strikes against you in this relationship. It doesn't mean it can't work, it just means you have a huge uphill battle ahead of you.

Is she really worth it?

 

You sure fucked yourself over.

You better hope and pray for abortion or adoption - sounds like she feels the same way, talk to her....

 

At the end of the day I was committed to the relationship AND the kid and still am committed to the kid. I have had a previous short fling with a woman and ACCIDENTALLY got her pregnant, and she ended up having an abortion and I always felt terrible about it. so this time around, while naïve I decided to go for it. We had a strong bond and I always got along with her kids really well.

So I'm not going to fully subscribe to this idea that I was irresponsible. No, I was committed to having a kid and being in a relationship. Did I fuck myself over? A little bit. Did I expect that to happen? No. Should I have? I guess so, but that's easy to say in hindsight.

 

Dude...no offense but you need to get your head on straight here. My understanding of what you're saying is that it takes 6 months of a waiting period so....you've been together for less time than that? And she's already 3 months pregnant with your kid? That you willingly decided to have with her after just a few months of being with her? Seriously? And you had a strong bond and have "always" got along with her kids? You haven't "always" done anything with her kids because you haven't been around long enough to have that history and a strong bond is something you develop over a period of time...presumably with trials and tribulations....ups and downs...etc. She kicked you the fuck out after the first time you raised your voice. That isn't a bond. You should take my advice.....get a lawyer and a paternity test and get your game face on if you have one because you are about to get fucked over. Mark my words....quote this post for future reference if you need to but you need to get your shit together now. This isn't a game. It's about to be the fuckin' you get for the fuckin' you got.

 

Whatever man. She wanted to have a kid sooner than later because she has spent the last 8 years giving birth to kids and wanted to have one more. I felt that we were in love and I have dealt with my own inner guilt about the prior abortion for a long time. All I wanted was an abortion and I always felt terrible about that.

So I'm willing to pay her what's needed and that is that. And spend quality time with the child. I'm not about to get all intimidated because I made a terrible 'mistake.' If I would have refused and things fell apart for us maybe I would have always wondered what it was like to be a dad. She's been in longer relationships so I expected this one to be long too. Her last husband and her had a kid early on and were married for 8 years. I expected us to be longer than that. I was wrong, obviously. But I'm not about to regret the decision.

 

And yes I always have been spending every single moment of every day with her kids this whole year. And we always got along. I've known her since January of this year and she broke up with me the beginning of this month. She got pregnant in May. Yes it was early to jump into a pregnancy but like I have said I have dealt with a lot of past guilt for years and felt ready to try and be a dad. What's wrong with that? I didn't expect her to suddenly end it with me. She had been in her previous relationship for years, despite an early pregnancy that time too. I expected the same.

 

Well....I wish you the best of luck. Really.

 

Thanks.

 

Having a kid is great.

The same cannot be said for having a kid with a horrible manipulative lying literally insane person, especially when you're the man and she can make any accusation against you she wants and get you removed, arrested, charged, or whatever else, she can take your kid with nothing more than accusations against you, she will take your money and use it to do as she pleases, when she feels like moving you'll simply have to follow in order to be around your kid..... need I continue?

Yeah, you're thinking you're a little older and lonely and want some family - that's fine - this is not functional family, or an acceptable situation to be in. Not just for you, but for any child with the misfortune to be born into that situation - it's pretty shitty of you to put that on somebody, it's another generation doomed to live like trash because of their trashy mother's influence, and because you didn't have any interest in a good life for you or them.

 

Yeah and nobody would be saying any of that had she not broken up with me. I can't premeditate what's going to happen in the future. I had no idea she would completely disengage from me once she got pregnant. You guys can blame me all you want but I was taking a genuine step of yes into the entire situation, already embracing her kids. How long should two people be together before they decide to have a kid? The last guy was around for eight years, but they had a kid right away. I had known her for 5 months before I got her pregnant. But she broke up with me two months after. How was I supposed to know that would happen?

It's easy for you guys to step in and act like that but I don't buy it. We had genuine feelings for each other, I over-reacted and got super pissed at her, and she was already stressed enough as it is. But I didn't expect her to end the relationship suddenly, just because of the yelling. I can still be a great dad to this kid anyway, so stop acting like he/she is suddenly doomed for a horrible future. Kids have always loved being around me. Meanwhile I will focus on getting child support paid. Breakups happen, and the birth of a child is a great thing. I'm happy that it's happening. Like I said I didn't realize that me shouting at her once would end the whole relationship. Plus I've read online constantly about how a lot of breakups happen in the middle of pregnancy as the woman tends to disengage a bit from the man.

If we are to get back together in the future after the kid is born did I suddenly make the right choice again? What if we were to stay together from that point onward? Did I still make the wrong choice?

 

Nobody is blaming you but since your first post, you yourself are looking for it (you almost seem to be begging for it). People are not going light and easy with you, as they shouldn't be. You need the backbone people are trying to install. You have some good optimism and positivity but it seems you have not learned and understood what's really happening. "If we are to get back together ..." YIKES.

Is it possible that she broke up with you, after already having disengaged with you, because she opened her eyes after conceiving a child with you, and simply does not want to be with you (regardless of your yelling)? You seem to think that if only you hadn't yelled, she wouldn't have broken up with you. Look again: she had already disengaged you (rejected you), which is why you yelled. Your yelling really isn't the biggest issue, is it.

I think you need a lot of support, you're going through a very big ordeal. And you need to mature, as quickly as you can (for your own sake and for the sake of your child). To come straight out with it, you're insecure, dependent and passive aggressive. Immature. So, you need to mature. Grow. This is just the sort of ordeal that will serve that purpose, so long as you get it. You need to open your eyes and see the reality for what it is. You can do it! And you're going to be okay. Just see the whole thing as learning, learning, learning! And make sure you LEARN.

 

My response to you wasn't about placing blame, it was about manning up and dealing with the consequences of your actions like an adult. You need to put your relationship with this woman on the back burner and hire a lawyer, be proactive. Like roorshack pointed out, your rights as a father will be limited if this woman does end up being a manipulative, controlling woman. You're going to have to work harder than she will to gain fair custody of this child and to make sure your rights as a father are not at the mercy of the mother's whims and emotions.

 

The only reason that I implied that maybe we could get back together is because I have read a lot of relationships fall apart during pregnancy and get back together after the kid is born. The woman disengages and suddenly stops hating the man once she's back to her old self.

She's insisting that I'm being immature by blowing up at her. You guys are insisting that I'm being immature because she fucked me over and I'm not willing to look at it...no I'm willing to look at it. That's why I posted in the first place. But I'm walking in between two worlds. But overall I agree that even if I did blow up at her, it's not enough of a reason to end it.

Thanks for the advice, and time to focus on the child and my rights, etc.

 

I think that the least mature thing to do in any of this is PANIC. I'm only trying to break down WHY she broke up with me so that I can get a better scope of the situation. Since you guys are with what my intuitions have been at and that it's a bullshit reason that she's giving of breaking up with me...now that I understand that better, thanks to your guys' help, now I can focus on the child from the right perspective. I'll be able to man up easier now as opposed to thinking that I made a terrible mistake and ruined a relationship that could have been, and continue being her bitch. Now I can focus on the child and my rights from the right vantage point.

And a natural reason that I would want us to be together if there was any chance obviously has to do with the kid too. I didn't expect to get her pregnant and for her to break up with me two months later. I wouldn't have consented with that. She didn't do that to her last man. But I think she carried over her hatred for men from her previous relationship over into mine in a way that I never anticipated. Yes I was immature for getting her pregnant 5 months into all of it but like I said in her last relationship they got pregnant very early and were together for a lot longer, and I eagerly and naively thought that me and her would last even longer.

But she keeps giving this shitty reason that I blew up at her and that's why it's over...when it's more like I blew up at her because I could already sense that something was off. But I also wasn't sure if it's just because she's pregnant. I don't really know why she withdrew but it's clear that she wasn't as committed as I thought she would be. Now I understand that, and can start focusing on being a dad, and accept that I made a mistake getting her pregnant so early.

 

Lawyer, paternity test. What if it isn't your kid? To be fair, you didn't think she would break up with you 2 months later....what else don't you know about her? It might start a battle to demand a paternity test, she might be insulted but...so what? The state will eventually come after you for child support. At that point, you should be able to get a test done whether she likes it or not. And I'm not telling you to do this from an easier position of never having been in the situation myself. I found out that my ex-wife had been screwing around on me around the time she got pregnant with our first son. I was already married to her and demanded a test. I didn't even get the test to disprove paternity. I got the test to ease my mind later. I would never have to wonder.

 

What's the general cost?

 

Damn I'm just so naïve...I was just recovering from a huge falling out with a close female friend and I have never been in a serious relationship so I completely threw myself into this relationship with this woman naïvely.

 

you seen her last when?

are you 100% sure shes prego?

bitches often break up without meaning behind it.. just to get some space. but shes not kicking the sex when many women and more sexual when prego. Not sure how to help you.

But I would of been eating that pussy every night making her feel good.
shout at the clit man.. shout at the clit..

 

she's definitely pregnant. we took a test and also went to the hospital. I'm pretty sure it's mine, but a paternity test would ease any further paranoia. the last time I saw her was July 31

 

And trust me the sex was great and intense...but it was always about sex AND more for me. At some point the fact that it was only about sex for her dried up. And I'm just a dumbass who was committed.