Older Virgins Weird?

you might want to check out some chinese medicine and acupuncture

 

I Got some medical herb helps alot.

 

There definitely is nothing wrong with an older person being a virgin at all. (although a lot of people ignorantly think there is something wrong with it) I guess whether being one is a personal problem for a person, is why they are still a virgin. I am a lot older than you, and still a virgin. And it's not so much being a virgin itself that upsets me, it's the reasons for why that is the case, that causes me to feel depressed and upset.

Someone mentioned that it's usually girls who are more concerned with hanging onto their virginity than guys, which as a general rule, is likely true. Although that is of course, a stereotype, and there are definitely exceptions to the rule. I think the problem guys have, is a lot of people, especially peers, give out the impression that to "be a real man", you have to have had sex with a girl. Which is of course, nonsense.

If I ever was going to have sex, it would have to be with someone I was in love with, and who also felt the same for me. Although in one sense Im very frustrated with the condition which has more or less forced me stay alone, I do value my virginity very highly, and if I never have sex, it won't be so bad. I'm definitely with the OP that it's more about wanting to feel what love is like, that leaves me feeling hollow, rather than anything directly about having sex.

I think there has been a lot of good advice offered in this thread, and I definitely wouldn't stress too much about still being a virgin. It certainly isn't weird or abnormal. Im sure when you do find the right person to have a relationship with, you'll be glad you hung onto your virginity for so long.

 

that pretty much hit the nail on the head right there. It isnt about losing the virginity its about how i thought that was what was alienating me from girls. It must be that some people no matter how nice and caring will end up alone and hollow.

 

A lot of women don't like nice guys, hence the saying, "nice guys finish last."

 

I thought that saying meant nice guys let the woman finish first

 

Yep, for me the making love thing is just part of a whole package of things that I feel empty for having never experienced, and knowing I most likely never will experience them. Sex on it's own, isn't something that interests me, and so it's definitely not about losing my virginity.

Im told by so many people how nice and caring a person I am, and that I shouldn't be alone. But I know at the end of the day, those things really don't count for much on their own, when it comes down to finding someone to love, and to have a strong emotional bond with. Im pretty much resigned to the fact that I will always be hollow and alone, at least as far as finding love goes.

As for you feeling that being a virgin alienates you from girls well, I think those types of girls you really wouldn't want to be with anyway. There is lots of girls for whom that won't matter at all, and a lot will even see it as an attractive quality. Or you may think it's your disability which scares them away, which I can to a certain extent at least, relate to myself. As I know my physical condition would put most guys off wanting a relationship with me.

 

^^^^ lol

yeah i guess i was raised old school to be nice to the ladies and treat them with respect. I can't let my inner pirate out tho.

 

A lot of the time "nice" guys can come off as needy and irritating. Same as clingly women.

You can treat a woman with respect, but women seem to like a challenge. Don't be a "yes man".

As for that lass you're hanging around with. You said she's the most critical of the fact that you're a virgin. Perhaps she wishes that you'd get laid so that you won't be so into her.

Stop showing interest in her, see how she reacts.

I've always believed that sex was a race. First to finish is the winner. I've only lost a handful of times....

 

It's a complete myth that most women are not attracted to nice blokes. So many guys have told me that they get this advice from other guys, to treat women badly if you want them to be attracted to you, and I think it's terrible advice. If you just want casual sex, then yes, it is good advice. But not for a guy looking for a girl to have a long term relationship, and commitment with. You should never change yourself in order to try and find a partner. If someone can't love you for yourself, then they aren't worth your time.

 

I feel like that girl is the only love i have in my life and 8 out of 10 times its her that calls me to hang out i moved to a town 3 hours away, she drove there like once a month to see me. now im moved back and we have been hanging out more and i havent told her i loved her or wanted her for five years, i think she can tell tho by the way i look at her.

 

The one bit of good advice I think some of the guys have given, is that it would probably be better for you to stop showing interest in her. If she has made it clear that she only sees you as a friend, and is critical of you being a virgin, then you should keep your distance, at least for a while. Your feelings will only keep being hurt wanting to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way.

 

I know you guys are right but the other sad truth is if i stop seeing her. I will have no friends and no life

 

It does sound like a really tough situation you are in, especially if she is your only friend, which appears to be the case. Do you think if you stopped seeing her you would find it easy to make other friends? If not, then I can definitely understand you not wanting to keep your distance from her, even though you do seem to realise that you are only hurting yourself by not giving yourself some space from her. It is a tough one, because it can be very difficult to try and lose feelings for someone, especially if you spend a lot of time with them.

 

Yea I'm in a really shitty situation in my life right now and friends are hard to find, the only place i can think to look is the bars and i dont feel like going to bars by myself. I am trying to find some hobbies to take my mind off things so far i got videogames and i just started making my own homemade wine and my first attempt at brewing my own beer.

 

and i can be just friends with her its just all those cheesy 80s movies where the boy and girl bestfriends end up falling in love i kinda wanted that to happen.

 

Finding hobbies is definitely a great start, in taking your mind off things. I will say that as I've gotten older, hobbies have been far less effective in curbing my depression over certain things than they used to be, but you're a lot younger than me, and in a different situation, so it is definitely a great idea. As for the bars thing, yep, it can be very daunting going to places like that on your own, especially if you lack self esteem and confidence. And videogames are very good for taking your mind off stuff, at least for a while.

As for wishing for the cheesy best boy and girlfriends falling in love thing to happen... I think that is only natural for a lot of people to have those sorts of feelings, even I have had romantic dreams like that, and Ive never had a really close friend like you seem to have with this girl. It is tough, and unrequited love is a horrible feeling, which I have felt myself. I hope you can find a solution that causes you least pain as possible, because you do seem like a nice guy, and deserve better than your current situation. *hugs*

 

girls over 16 years old?

it's not a myth, and it's not terrible advice. it is what females respond to.

the biggest mistake i ever made was taking advice on picking up women from women. i'm not sure if they are just that un-self aware and think they are giving good advice, or if they are actually maliciously trying to fuck over guys who ask them for advice, but whatever women say they are attracted to is basically exactly what turns them off the most.

in the cheesy 80s movies the girl got the jock she was chasing throughout the movie, and her boy bestfriend got the head cheerleader.

 

The whole problem with this attitude, and with the many guys who share it, is it's far too generalistic, and makes out like all women want the same thing from guys, which is not the case at all. And yes it is terrible advice, depending on the type of woman you want to attract. To say it's "what females respond to", in some kind of sweeping, all emcompassing statement is a bit foolish, and definitely not the reality.

I have had guys telling me they have been nice and been burned by women, but also guys saying they have followed the "treat em' mean, keep em keen" advice, and admitted that it was very ineffectual, and only really worked if looking for casual, no strings attatched sex. A lot of women are not attracted to that type of behaviour in men. To make out like all women are attracted to, and respond to the same pick up tactics, just seems completely out of touch with reality to me. If that really were the case, no man would have trouble picking up women, because the same tactics would work on every woman. There's no one divine, absolute way for men to attract women, because all women are not attracted to the same things in men. Least not personality wise.

 

obviously no method is going to work on everyone. "treat them bad" works more often than "treat them good" does though.

you can't predict what "type of woman" someone will be just based on what she's attracted to.