Only 5 Months into our marriage....

I don't think that being confrontational or hostile with him will work.

I think you can tell him how you feel and tell him that you love him, and maybe persuade him to go to counseling.

I think it's completely reasonable for you to leave him if you want to. He may not come around at all ever, but if you want to help him to do that, it will probably take a lot of work and understanding and putting yourself second.

Angry people don't respond well to ultimatums, or anything that seems hostile.

I think he has to feel like you understand him and what he's experienced. You have to be willing to give him enough love to help him get through this, and hopefully over time you can talk him into getting counseling.

That's a lot to do, and there's no guarantee that he's ever going to come around.

 

OP, you're making a mistake. He is the way he is. You're wishing and expecting him to change. That isn't fair.

It's frustrating for you and for him.

He doesn't want to be in this business anymore. He can't take the pressure. You're pushing him to continue.

It is your dream and perhaps it used to be his, as well. But not anymore. He's not willing to live like this, always under stress.

By the things you say, it could be he's right and it can't work. Who knows? Perhaps you're deluding yourself when you think you can continue this business venture. Taxes problems aren't a surprise. We all know we have to deal with them. The two of you failed to take it into account. The success was an illusion. Well, I'm just saying may be he's right. And maybe he's wrong.

But if you want to fight the odds, at least understand he doesn't. Your desire to fight it isn't "better" than he's desire to quit. You're both right.

It isn't easy to acknowledge it's over. For him, it is.

I hope you can sort it all out and find success in your dream.

 

I think he needs to just work for someone else too, like an 8 to 5 job that's always there and he can rely on and you do the business thing. He isn't made for it. You might even be best off to sell the business and pay off the taxes and just find a job for now till you find some other business you can start and run on your own if this one is too much for one person.
Sounds crappy but this business was for both of you and he failed his end and so now you know not to fire up something with him again that you both need to survive on. Many couples survive but many don't when they are stuck working together for survival.
My hubby and I worked together on machinery for a company for many years before we came to understand we could go off on our own and dump the boss thing. That's when we came together in a way of trust and security that if one got sick the other could cover and one wouldn't dump the load on the other or go away on a long trip by one's self and all that stuff that comes with building a business. He has passed on now from a heart defect and I am alone, hiring now and then but heading it all the time myself when it was supposed to be two of us. It can be done but to jump into it without being sure of all aspects of it might find issues and I think that may have happened to you both. Sorry it sounds ugly but it does happen.
Can you sell it and start again down the road when your income is more secure? Can you hire someone to help? Does he have a job yet and how is he with that if so? Lots to consider and most of all deciding to help him along or leave him.
I feel bad for you but some people are just not made to take the heat of a business and feel safe when it's still building and jumping its hurdles.
Take care and be safe.

 

The thing is I think he is handling it, in his own way. While your coping mechanism is to have as little emotion as possible, if not none and more action, his coping mechanism is to have more emotions and less action. That's to put it simply because I'm not intelligent to put it more, well... intelligent, lol. It's really not like that, but I think you get the generalness of it.

Anyways, I think in our world your way of equilibrium is valued more highly than his way, for obvious reason because you meet solutions to problems. While his way is seen as unstable, going as far as mentally disabled for some people. In other words, he doesn't meet solutions to problems. So, I think that's where that fear of yours comes from, those beliefs society has put on you and all of us, that your way is good and his way is bad. I know you don't think he will grab a knife, kill you and himself. But, you wouldn't be surprise if you found him naked, crying in the bathroom or something like that.

But, I think it's just a different way of doing things, or in this sense, a different way of solving problems. I also think he is entitled to get back to his equilibrium however he wants to, just like you are. And, I think, most especially... you're not alone. If you were alone, he wouldn't be there. That's what being alone is, not involving or including anyone else, but yourself in a physical and metaphysical sense. He is there physically and he is there emotionally, surely not the way you want it, but he's there. And you're there.

I'm not saying that I'm enlightened enough to be capable of getting my equilibrium back while accepting someone else's. It's like being in a corner trying to figure out a puzzle and someone across the room is doing their puzzle "all wrong". And you keep looking in the corner of your eye, not understanding why they're doing it "so wrong". So, you leave your post and either with aggression or with empathy, depending on your coping mechanism, fix someone else's puzzle. Not only have you left your puzzle unfixed, you're fixing someone else's in a way that isn't the way they would consider a puzzle fixed, as in you're causes more unfixed puzzles to be created for them and possibly yourself.

I don't know if that makes any sense, but all in all... it's hard to accept and understand someone else's way of doing things. It's hard to not think of something as right or wrong, when society tells us everything is right or wrong. It's even harder to find a way to successfully implement both ways of doing things. But, I believe in human resiliency, human adaptability, and many other things that make humans powerful. I also believe, even though it's not completely logical to me... in love. So, I think you can do it. Not sure how. I haven't figured that out yet. But, I know it can be done or at least, I believe it can.