Open Relationships

I'm guessing your motivations would have to be on the same page. Is it simply because you want to "cheat" on your partner but because it's "swinging" it's with permission? Or is it to add another "sex toy" to your already healthy sexual relationship?

I've been there. We've tried it and it was disasterous. It could've been great, but the man just wasn't where he needed to be to handle it. Essentially, it was his FFM threesome fantasy come true and he held it against me that I'm BI and was getting "something" out of another chick being involved, but I love me some penis as well and he just didn't like the idea of me being with another dude.

He gave me up once in order to have "leverage" against me for his FFM fantasy and that just so wasn't cool.

I'm all about the foursomes and the threesomes. It's not my fault he's not BI.

You also have to make sure that your main squeeze is well aware that you are totally into him/her. If you don't do your job to make them feel secure in your relationship, it's only going to end in a bad way.

My husband is not the most "attentive" lover. He was at one time but he's told me once he knew I could "take it" it was "bend over the bed and lemme bang ya".

It KILLED me to see him so gentle and tender with someone else. His reasoning? "Well, I didn't know her well enough to fuck her like a whore". Umm so you fuck your WIFE like a whore instead and treat the sex toy like a goddess?? Oh HELL no. That shit ain't workin' for me.

Needless to say, I am totally into it, open to it, envy and enjoy it. I don't know if "our" relationship will be at the point where it would be an addition to our relationship. Maybe someday.

 

You have to evolve beyond the patriarchal view of possession.

She & I are two separate entities who happen to enjoy different things. I am the least jealous person you'll ever meet, man. Because I don't view women as property.

Those who still live with a traditional primordial view of "MY" woman cannot possibly understand. But, that's what makes the world go 'round.

Trust me. I am man enough. It's not about ego.

An open relationship is not a cuckold relationship, man. And I think I have mentioned that she has never had intercourse with another man yet. But, who knows what the future holds?

 

Ditto on what Libertine said.....

And when you're open, you get teamed by your
wife and girlfriend...cause the are friends...and
you dont have to hid one from the other.

 

I don't buy into a patriarchal view of possession in any relationship, period. Any relationship that has that kind of a "power" aspect to it is unhealthy. That said, being in a committed, monogamous relationship has nothing to do with patriarchy. I would be hesitant to say it has much of anything to do with possession either, because if monogamous relationships have this quality, then so do open relationships. So would polyamorous relationships. So would any relationship with anyone.

My personal take on open relationships is: good luck. Good luck being flexible enough and understanding enough to make it work, and good luck finding someone else who just so happens to be the same way, and good luck to both with those boundaries (they usually evolve, over time, and someone usually likes something the other doesn't). I know it can work, and I agree with the philosophy behind it, but it's playing with fire. I think, Libertine, that you have a pretty good grasp on it, but still... good luck!

 

I know where your coming from, but it's not always about it being "my man/woman" I think if you truly love each other you would have no need for sex with anyone but each other, you would be all each other needed.

 

Well, it's your right to be a judgmental bigot.

Your bigotry makes me sick and think very lowly and even worthless of bigots.

I am fed up with fucking self-righteous judges who feel that their goddamned "morality" is the fucking standard for everyone.

Listen, there is NO type of relationship guaranteed to work and there is NO type of relationship guaranteed NOT to.

Most of you polyphobes, homophobes and other relationship fascists need to LIVE and LET LIVE.

Get over your goddamned selves!

 

Well, some people are different, jester.

I don't ask for any rubber stamp of approval from ANYONE.

This was thread to discuss Open Relationships, not to bash them or show contempt for others who think differently.

The only intolerance I have personally is with intolerant people who believe THEIR fucking way is the ONLY way.

No one is FORCING Open Relationships on anyone else, so all you puritans don't try to force your goddamned viewpoint on anyone.

BIGOTRY MAKES ME SICK AND ANGRY.

 

awww...and the little princess rides off on her unicorn pony......

 

I admire people who can pull off open relationships -- that is, actual RELATIONSHIPS. I've only been in those that call themselves relationships but are really just an excuse for a man to fuck around and not feel guilty.

For example: In one, the fellow was cheating on his girlfriend with me (yeah, I know, I feel kinda bad about it now), and I had to be the closet lover, discarded whenever it was inconvenient for him.
In another, the "open" was only "open" on his end, and when I told him about my new interest he freaked out hard core. He still uses it as leverage to act like a fuckhead and hurt me.
In the latest, my poet claimed to love me more than any other girl he knew, but was all about freedom. He never touched me in public because he didn't want to show any signs of possession -- yet he towed his prettier and more adoring other girls around by the hand and snuggled with them in plain view of the world ; whenever I asked to do anything (like walk in the park or have coffee at a poetry lounge) he was too tired/too busy/too broke/not feeling well, but he'd take the others out for nice dinners ... So I'll admit, I got a little jealous, not so much of the fact that he had other girls but that he treated them better and paid more consideration to them than he did me.

If there is openness, there CANNOT be a double standard. Anywhere. That is hypocrisy and use, which do not belong in relationships PERIOD.

 

i honestly am not trying give a 'moral' answer. im giving MY standpoint of how I would feel if a boyfriend/future husband told me that he was going to be going to another womans home that night, and not just to 'talk.'

if you and your wife(?) are content to live in that kind of situation, then i wish you the best of luck in the world. my point is that i just feel like SOMEONE is going to be feeling hurt inside. it looks like its not going to be you either, so thats kind of where the selfishness comes in.

NO ONE likes being second best; the other woman; or just the 'third party'. So, that being said, the fact that YOU are just feeling totally peachy about it tells me that the situation is all great and beneficial towards yourself. but do you REALLY know how the other women feel?

but, like i said, im not talking to get into it with anyone, i just gave my opinion. if you cant handle it, then please dont ask.

 

I've been solely with one person at a time, but that's getting boring and I'd love to try an open relationship....anyone taking applications?

 

Different strokes for different folks.

I know I couldn't deal with an open relationship... with the exception of a long distance relationship. Personally, I'd either feel inadaquet to my partner's needs or like I'm either 2nd choice or the "safety" girl. But since I'm aware of these emotions, I wouldn't ever attempt a relationship with someone who felt otherwise because that would just be stupid.

That's not to say that it doesn't work well with other people. I actually saw a documentary a month or two ago about a threesome family, except it was two bi guys and one straight girl. They had two kids together and lasted 13 years- which is better than most traditional marriages. Granted, they did break up in the end, but that's because the guys decided they were definitively more on the gay side than bi. But that shows that it definitely can work. It just takes people much more confident and comfortable with themselves than me.

 

I don't NEED any other woman to fulfill my needs. That's not what it's about.

 

First of all, you said people in open relationships made you sick and that they were worthless. So fuck you. No one needs a bigot around.

Secondly, stop attempting to make open relationships into some kind of chavaunistic oppression of women. Women ARE NOT property. They are people with the right to do and say what they want. As far as Mrs. Libertine, she is perfectly satisfied with our life. Go ask her. She's on the HF.

Just because you have monogamous tunnel vision doesn't mean that because you would "feel" jealous and worthless that someone else who enjoys these types of relationship would.

YOU don't represent all women nor do YOUR feelings.

Thirdly, I didn't "ask". I posted a thread where we could discuss open relationships--even those who disagreed, BUT...saying someone is sick and worthless because they don't live the way you do and see things the way you see it is BIGOTRY.

And bigots are not welcome.

 

My life if happy...both my wife and my girlfriend are good on the situation...are good friends...and are both capable of having the same liberties that I have....no oppression at all....In fact....my openess comes from my worship of the Divine Feminine...I consider it a blessing to be with two wonderful women who i can devote myself to their sexual pleasure...and day to day affections as well...not always about sex mind you.

 

i see theres no reasoning with you, libertine. you take all i have to say out of context and make it seem as though im attacking your beleifs, when i merely just dont agree with them. i simply would not have it in my lifestyle. but, like i said, if your happy in YOUR situation, then all power to you. thats all i've meant, and i tried to be as sincere as possible.

i can see im offending you though, so i will not post here any longer.

 

You have the right to believe as you wish, but saying that people are worthless because they have a different lifestyle is hateful.

 

I see a lot of talk about how your partners aren't property, and are free to do what they want, but it doesn't seem exactly true to me. Every open relationship described in this thread so far has a primary couple. That means there are rules and restrictions. They're talked about and agreed on, of course, but still... a rule means they aren't free to do whatever the want, right? Not to attack anyone in particular, but I doubt most of you guys would be too happy if you found out that the girlfriend on the side didn't want to be on the side anymore, and that your partner had developed feelings for them, and they now had a say in what direction your relationship is heading. Who knows though? Most people in open relationships are uncomfortable with their relationship growing in a polyamorous direction, but seems to me the ones who are open to it are more stable as individuals. That willingness, imo, would seem to be a pretty good indicator when looking at what the relationship is really all about. From a philosophical standpoint, all this is why I admire polyamorous relationship more than open relationships. It's also why I think they're a little more successful.

 

Well said!

 

Monogamy