Parents consenting to teen girls overnights with Boyfriend

Very well put Calgirl. :iagree:

 

I believe I may have used this exact line with my adult son!!

 

It seems that around here, 16 is a common age for high school kids to be allowed to have a date go into their room, with everybody understanding what's likely to happen behind the closed door. I've never heard of a date being allowed to stay all night under those circumstances.

Once a teenager is allowed to go on dates that involve a car, they are going to go as far (sexually) as they want to go, so not allowing privacy in one particular location isn't going to prevent sex from happening. If they can't find a good place to do it, they'll settle for a place that's not so good. Like it or not, that's reality.

If they move away to college, they have regular opportunities for sleepovers there, if that's what they want to do. Having a different rule at home seems pointless to me.

I was only 14 the first time I found a way to be alone with a boy for a little while, but I had already been taught where babies come from, and all the reasons why I wouldn't want one yet. I was not tempted to go beyond a hand job.

Another common approach in this area seems to be what I call "grounded for life". Those kids are told they are allowed no privacy, no sex, no alcohol, no drugs, and no loud music without headphones until they are financially self-supporting and living away from home, no matter what their age. Unfortunately, the poor economy has made this parenting option much more common. Those miserable kids end up with no social skills, and no good memories of being young and single.

If you teach a young person all the important medical facts, and have good conversations with them about all the relevant risks and consequences to their actions, you don't need to worry so much about how much supervision there is in various places, or what the rules are for visitors.

Let me give you older guys an example to think about. Let's say your teenage daughter agrees to give a boy a hand job, or oral with a condom. But once they get naked, he decides that he's not going to use a condom, or he decides to commit date rape. When she screams for help, would you rather she be in your house, or parked behind an abandoned warehouse on the bad side of town? I don't even think many boys would try something like that in a girl's house.

When everything happens at home, it seems to me that the parents have more control, not less.

 

I see where you are coming from Karen...but letting kids have sex in the house isn't going to stop rape elsewhere...they will still have sex elsewhere. I choose that one of those locations will not be my house.

Until my kids are done high school I will be checking up on them...they wil not be out partying every weekend and staying out late....I will know where they are and who they are with as this is my job as their parent. I'm not so naïve to think they won't sneak in sex in there some where but I also teach them about respect...for me, for others and mostly for themselves. So hopefully they will realize they are above back alley sex.

 

:2thumbsup:

 

You're right, these things are for adults.

Who will magically be able to handle their shit, having had no time to learn to be an adult, given that they become an adult the instant they leave your house, and not one second before.

 

Deleted double post

 

So that is what you took from what she wrote??? Good grief.

Allowing kids to have sex in your home is what it takes to raise a healthy adult nowadays?? I doubt it. There is SO much more that goes into parenting than this one decision. And raising your children and then expecting your children to have more sense then to run around town giving into their every carnal desire is considered stifling them from becoming an adult??? There is more to becoming an adult than just getting to fuck your girlfriend in the bed you expect your mother to make for you.

Besides....if all these kids are busy having sex at home how are they ever going to fill in the "weirdest place you've had sex" part of the sex polls and questionaires....your way of thinking is really going to stop these kids from growing up to be interesting and adventurous adults!

 

More control? You mean in that they can enter the room and say "no more", you've "cum enough for tonight".

Kids absolutely cannot handle the no-limit mentality that comes from parents that cannot exert wisdom. It's essential that we instill what is in their best interest. More maturity is going to make their whole sexual experience more pleasing in so many ways.

And Roo?! We hope our kids take the lessons we teach BEYOND the second they exit they house. It is not one extreme of excessive sheltering, or radical permissiveness. Freedoms and decisions and judgements are granted in age-appropriate increments. They use those small steps to do well during the very large steps in life.

 

Raising your kids in an authoritarian manner will lead to them just sneaking around you, learning how to deceive you better, and resenting you. Trust me, you can't always tell when they're lying and they're most likely sneaking around you even more. It would be better if you made yourself available to them to talk with for guidance, not "because I said so" nonsense. Source: someone who's parent tried to micromanage their child.
My condolences to your children.

 

what the fuck

Do you know the difference between authoritative and authoritarian? One is a parent that can be respected for their knowledge and experience and the other is a dictator.

 

boohoo. edited. All that and all you got out of it was scoulding me? Sorry, I'm not your kid, though I doubt it works with them either.
Sounds like more "because I said so" response to everything logical that happens to disagree with you. You've even said you haven't read everything yet you won't change your mind. Isn't that open-minded and accepting?

 

ok. Make the conclusions you want. Given you haven't once asked me about my kids and you yourself probably aren't a parent, its clear there's no room for conversation between you and I.

 

but lo and behold, you're on a forum, a basis of conversation.

 

you've already made your decisions so no conversation needed

 

I have no clue how you could read what she wrote and read into it that she says "because I said so" as her main style of parenting. Seriously?

And for the record....I believe it was I who said that I haven't read everything yet I won't change my mind. Lol. And no, I'm sorry but input from a 24 year old or from a 20 year old is not going to change my beliefs and values and is not going to turn me into a permissive parent. I suppose I should just let my kids do drugs in the house as well...I mean they are going to do that as well right? I suppose I should never say no....maybe I will start giving into their every whim because if I don't buy them that chocolate bar at the store perhaps they will only steal it.

Kids need boundaries, they need rules, they need guidance. Setting limits and expectations is not a bad thing. There are lots of things my kids will experiment with growing up...I realize that and will talk to them about what's going on and their experiences....but giving in "because they will do it anyway" is not the way I choose to parent.

 

And for the record...I was "that child" who rebelled and did things behind my mothers back (which seriously all kids do! Its a part of growing up!).....do you know how??? Because I had a father who didn't lay down the same rules and expectations around who I associated with and when I was home...it was during my time with him that I had my worst behavior and it was after I moved into his house at the age of 16 (to further enjoy the freedom) that I found myself pregnant AND kicker is I got knocked up at his house while he was out. So ya, I know how well controlled the "fucking in your parents house" can be.

 

I have two teenagers and the issue never came up while I raised them. Neither of my teens were to eager to become sexually active. What about teens who hide the fact they are gay or bi from their parents? I knew teens who had open minded parents who still hid their sexuality from their parents because to them it was personal. I am sure that is why my teens did not tell me when they became active sexually. If it had been an issue in my home I think I would not have been okay with it until they were 16 and up. My mom was to open about that stuff and I watched my older sister spiral out of control. She thought she was an adult at 12. My mom lost complete control of her and she got raped at a young age. The rapist got away with it because she was afraid she would lose her freedom if she told anyone.

 

were these human teenagers?

 

My teens were not eager to be sexually active because one of my younger sisters has had 6 children and she would often dump her babies on my children to babysit. It made both of my teens terrified to have babies and they knew several of the women in my family are so fertile they got pregnant using birth control. My son also knows there are girls like my sister who get pregnant on purpose without consent from the guy. So they are smart and abstain. My two children are appalled at how many of their friends had babies and dropped out of school.