Poly Marriage in the US

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If that's how you feel, that's fine. You, yourself, are more suited to monogamy, and there's nothing wrong with that. But what I'm asking is: would you vote to keep people who are polyamorous from marrying multple partners, or would you support them and their right to do what makes them happy?

 

i dont know that i would. im all for gay marriage and divorces and all that, but i dont see why poly marriage should be wanted. im nto trying to close you down on this but i guess i dont understand why you would want this...?

 

I think people think that there isn't one person out there than can satisfy them in every way a person needs to be satisfied (I'm not just talking about sexually either)...I believe there is only one person out there than can satisfy all of my needs...

Sort of the "I want to have the cake and eat it too" mentality.

 

Hmm well this is hard because I could never 'share' my boyfriend with anyone else, thats just how I feel. But I guess if everyone in that relationship is happy and fine with it then it's ok. I'm not sure how I feel about it really.

 

HOW DARE YOU WISH THAT ON ANY CIVALISED RELATIONSHIP!!

fuck i cant believe you said that..

id rather be as illegal as possible then..

thank you very much..

 

i can see it now,, ..

juvenille court with polyamourus marrig legal..

will the parents of the defendent please step up..

4 doods an 5 chicks walk up..

oh i could go on an an on.

ahahahahhahahahhaaahah

 

i see nothing wrong with it.

2 things to think about though:

1) incest is often(but by no means always) part of poly relationships. Should incest be allowed? Personally, i find the thought revolting, but why should government stop comitted, loving, people from marrying? Love doesn't discriminate


2) Again, poverty is often(but by no means always) part of poly relationships. I dont think you should be able to take on a 2nd(or 100th) wife/hubby if you cant afford to take care of your current spouse(s)/kids.

 

Okay, I have to admit to being stumped here. Where on earth did you come up with that? I've never met or talked to anyone polyamorous who was in an incestuous relationship. But to answer your question, while it's not something I would choose, so long as you're talking about informed, consenting adults, I honestly don't believe that anyone has the right to interfere.

And poverty is not part of monogamous relationships? Besides, take the example of a poly family of 4 adults and 3 children - 3 of the adults are in the work force, making money to support the family. And instead of some stranger raising their children, the fourth adult is a stay at home parent. Since you only have one set of bills to deal with, the whole family is better off ecenomically, and the children have the constant attention from someone who actually cares about them that they deserve. I don't see this as a bad thing.

 

I have already addressed the issue of children in the event of a divorce once. For those of you who didn't read it, here it is again:

But ending up in a court battle between biological parents is, in my eyes, aworst case scenario which assumes that all of the adults in the dissolving relationship are NOT mature enough to want what's best for the children.

 

um, sexual abuse, incest, and welfare fraud are crimes that are almost always associated with polygamy.

http://www.ishipress.com/utah-pol.htm

Of course it is. However, if i'm in a polygamous relationship i shouldnt be able to take on 100 more wives when i can't even afford to take care of one.

Theoretically, sure, 3 of the adults could work and 1 could stay home..but practically this doesn't work. It is not uncommon for some families in places like Utah to have 15-16 wives with 30-60 children. One parent isnt going to take care of 30 children!

Welfare fraud is very prevalent in polygamous relationships...

 

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I'm not talking about poligamy as practiced by the Mormons, where the women have no right to choose their partner, and where the man is expected to be the only one in the family working. I'm talking about polyamorous relationships, where the people involved love and choose to be with each other. I'm not talking about scared 15 and 16 year old girls beigs forced into marriage to a man 3 times their age as a 3rd or 4th (or 10th or 11th) wife. I'm talking about grown adults who are in love. This is the major problem polyamorous folk face most of the time, people hear "poly" and their minds jump to the Mormons. I said at one point earlier, and I'll say it again for the record: Mormons are a good example of institutionalized polygamy gone terribly wrong.

 

mormons make up a very sizeable portion of poly relationships...to disregard them would be like talking about gay marriage for women only.


if you address poly marriage, then i think you NEED to address incest, welfare fraud, and sexual abuse. Until those problems are addressed and answered, people are only going to have a negative opinion about poly relationships.

freakylady: usually it is cheaper to be married(you get benefits) than it to just say live together. The problem in poly relationships would be taking on 15 wives and have 60 kids. Why should i have to pay for that? And yes, i know what you'll respond with. I dont think i should have to pay for a normal couple to have a kid fi they cant afford it. I'm not saying they should be denied the right to get married/have kids...but they shouldnt be able to bleed the system dry.

 

well a monogamous relationship is the only kind that works for myself personally but if it became legal I have no problem co-existing with people who choose to live in a poly relationship. Its nowhere close to being the same thing but being that it is considered an alternative lifestyle I'd see it the same way I do as same sex marriage. As long as your happy with your life great, we all deserve to be comfortable and happy with our lifestyles and choices. It wouldn't stop me from being friends with someone, if they choose it I'm basically saying. I love the relationship I'm in and its between me and one man... if my friend wants 2 men and a women or the other way around have fun. lol

 

Who's to say that polyamorous groups are any better at multiple marriage?

 

is it just me or is the priestess,, just spewing what she wants everyone to believe??

has this become a listen to me im the all knowing kinda thread,, instead of a discussion?

i keep seeing quick judgements, generalities,, an "ok weve covered this an i adressed it"..

 

may i ask if the priestess is involved in a poly relationship? an if so for how many years between how many consenting adults?

 

Sorry it took me so long to get back to this, but I've been busy handling some personal issues. So, where to start?


hippiehillbilly - you may ask, but I may not answer. Kidding....my husband and I are polyamorous, and we were (until this morning) involved in a poly quad. That really has no bearing on my views on the subject, as I myself am not interested in marriage, so much as I'd like for people in a poly relationship to be recognized as being just as important as people involved in monogamous relationships.

I'm sorry if I came off a bit preachy, I'm simply trying to understand and be understood. I'd like to understand what issues people have with the concept of polyamory in general, and polyamorous marriage specifically. And I'd like to try to show people that there are ways to deal with almost every issue, if we'd just open our minds and work on it instead of saying that it can't be done.

Irish Drunkard - I'm going to say that in my eyes at least, polyamorous folks are at least a bit ahead in the multiple marriage game vs Mormon polygamy because polyamory is a choice, not something forced on you.

Megara - Okay, Mormons are polygamous. Should poly marriage be legalized, Mormons would be free to practice it again. While I may not like the way they go about it, I don't believe the government ever had the right to forbid them to practice polygamy (see: Freedom of Religion, the U.S. Constitution). Nor do I think that the Mormons, who I consider to be nearly the worst possible example, should cause the rest of the polyamorous people in the US to be denied the right to marry.
As for the issues of incest, welfare fraud, and sexual abuse: I personally do not find the idea of incest at all appealling, but, should consenting adults choose that path, I don't believe that anyone has the right to stop them. Now if you are refering to incestuous rape, which any sexual contact between an adult and a related minor should fall under to my mind, it should be prosecuted just as it would be if the persons involved were part of a mon-oriented family. And hand-in-hand with that, I'll say that sexual abuse is illegal. Period. And it should stay that way. No matter what the circumstances surrounding it are. Really, the same goes for welfare fraud. It's illegal, and can carry a prison sentece depending on severity. I see no reason to change that. But, again, needing to be on welfare is not used as a reason to stop monogamous marriages, nor does it stop people from having more children than they can afford, married or not. Your example of someone taking on 15 wives and having 60 kids doesn't phase me at all, that's only 4 kids per wife, and there's no logical reason why at least some of the wives couldn't work. It could be regulated just by using the resident states' laws on child day cares, 1 adult/x number of children. If all of the adults above that requirement were obliged to work in order to keep their welfare benefits, I see no difference in strain on the system than if each of these women had 4 children in any other kind of relationship.