Question for Married Women

I'm not sure what that means. It also confirms my prejudice against counselors. Wouldn't it be better to do things for one another by choice? And if your wife does not wish to exercise that choice, then do the same?

Read a book. Go for a walk. There are things to life other than wifey.

 

Are there any listed on this site that are in your area?

http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp

I'm not a big fan of them either.

I was recently in counseling for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and after at least a month of $40 hour-long sessions, he said one phrase that was useful to me, "well, that sounds pretty human."

Whether it was worth it or not; it helped.

 

It seems like a lot of the time VG you pick out singular events from things you observed in the past and assume that they apply to a large demographic. I get what you're saying but you have no way of knowing that all women are like that or think that way - you just assume and then pass it off as a fact that applies to all.

 

lol. That´s some shit to say, but he might lose his job on that note.

I went to a therapist for four years! Four years!!! I can´t say I got nothing out of it; were that the case, I wouldn´t have gone. But, in the final analysis, I think I faced depression by my own means.

If these are normal people problems, why go to someone to fix it, right? Just live it. :biggrin:

 

Hey! VG is the king of generalizations, and I am his devout servant!

 

that's just 'cause you're a SEX MACHINE

what woman wouldn't get turned on by you?

 

From the perspective of chinese medicine, pregnancies drain a woman of energy, so if she's on baby #4, her lower energy is not a surprise.

depression, and having to care for 3 kids would also tend to drain her

both of you might want to check out acupuncture and chinese herbal medicine. if you are in mass near boston, you might want to check out the New England School of Acupuncture clinic for some good but cheap student-level medicine.

you might also want to check out this book

Curing Depression Naturally with Chinese Medicine
http://bluepoppy.com/cfwebstore/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&product_ID=371&ParentCat=33

so it sounds like there are things going on both at the level of physical health as well as the relationship

yeah, a councilor might be good

honestly, you might get more mileage with the chinese medicine

I'm not advising you to do this, but if I were in your shoes and my wife wasn't giving me the sex I wanted, and we couldn't fix things in counseling, I would talk to her about being able to have some sex outside of the marriage once in a while

 

Ask her if she minds you sub-contracting her sexual duties out to a disinterested professional.

 

How about if they're interested but amateurish.

 

That would never do. Not with the average woman's dog-in-the-manger attitude toward sex.

 

you should try to play it another way around and make yourself to be a challenge for your wife. not you, but she has to chase you, so stop making it an issue and leave her alone, be friendly and polite, just try to seem indifferent. such rapid change in your behaviour will spark her interest and appeal to her female pride. it'll make her curious. I bet in no time you will see her wondering 'wtf happened to him', but you should continue playing along, smile and just say' nothing' everything's fine'. her confidence will be shaken and I believe she will start trying to 'win you back'. You should continue playing a tough guy for a while, then find a way to have a get away week-end or a night, go out with her (pick a simple bar where you can be close to each other, prefferably standing or even dancing, she sounds like a woman who needs to have some fun) , have some champagne (its bubbles are known to do miracles) and I bet you'll have her making hot love to you later on. it is usually the lack of challenge in sexual communication that makes it boring. women enjoy flirt and intrigue.

the only reason to my opinion why a woman wouldn't respond to that is she really doesn't want you anymore or she has someone else.

I didn't mean to sound like a wannabe psychologist

it's just my opinion based on personal experiences

 

Ok, more generalizations then.

1.From what I see it does pretty much always seem like he wife does the lions share of the house / kid minding, there will be exceptions of course but rare.

2. 30, 5 kids, she no doubt doesnt feel as sexy as she use to, in fact probably the only thing that makes her feel sexy is having the hubby gagging for it...thus its a viscous circle

3. From what i see, again pretty much always, 30 something women are far hornier than there younger counterparts, unless they are totally stressed out i.e 5 kids

4. How are you supposed to get busy with your partner once you've got a kid thats a carbon copy of them, thats creepy. And if you dont think thats creepy, I think its creepy you dont think its creepy. This is one that happens a lot, just no one ever talks about it


Nothing really ground breaking there, and yes, most of you are like that

 

I have discussed that with her in the past. She thinks it is kinda cheezy that I go screw someone else while she is carrying my baby. On top of that, I wouldn't know where to find someone and I think it would be wierd since I have been with her so long.

 

I could never do it. I went 2 months without asking for a thing. She couldn't have cared less. I asked her how long she could go without having sex and she said she could easily go at least a year. There is no way I can last a year plus without it.

 

Who? The poor, clueless, heterosexuals living in ultimate darkness about their own motives?

 

Basically you are saying that having children destroys sexual attraction between a man and a woman. I would agree that in most cases having children definitely has a negative effect but to the degree you are describing I would disagree.

People can have healthy sex lives regardless of how similar a child is to one of the parents - you associating that to something sick or unhealthy is like a homophobe saying gay sex is disgusting just because they are insecure about it.

 

then you are going to fail, sorry. you are simply not good enough to play her sexual games, she's bored. it's just sex, how can't you last without it? you might need to improve your culture. I wish you all the best though

 

i had five kids, 2 years apart.....it's exhausting, dirty, and nerve-wracking. its hard to feel sexy if you are tired, yer a mess, and you got animal cracker and oreo residue on yer oversized t shirt. if you can afford it, get her a spa day and some sexy jammies and get your parents or sister or whatever to let the kids spend the night

 

I completely understand where you are coming from. I did get her a 1 hour massage for Christmas. Hopefully she will use it soon. I am a stay-at-home dad so I am the one home with the 3 kids all day. I am the one who deals with all the stuff you mentioned. (I also home-school the oldest who is 7 next month). I wear a t-shirt that I use as to wipe my hands and their noses on because it is easier than carrying tissues all day, etc... So, I know what you mean.

As far as a night, or weekend away, we have very little in the way of people who can babysit. Her sister is a heroin addict. My parents sued me for the college loans they took out in their name and I haven't talked to my family in almost 13 years. My two youngest have food allergies, that her mother can't seem to grasp and will feed them whatever they want, and my youngest has other medical issues. He is 19 months and has had 3 surgeries so far and he might have damage to his throat from the tubes from the surgeries. (Have an appt on 4/5 to get it all checked out). As a result, if he drinks anything without having it thickened he will choke and he can't eat regular table food yet. As a result it makes it difficult to leave them with just anyone.

So, I can see why it is so difficult to have a relationship just for us anymore. I am basically screwed and just have to accept it, from the sounds of it.

 

Meh - wait until your kids get older and don't need you as much - you'll have more free time for the wifey then won't you?

I hate to say it but I'd be worried being the "stay at home dad" that your wife thinks you are in the woman's role and she is in the man's role - this could potentially be why your sex life is fucked up.