Random Facts About You # 57

is the trip big or is the whalemart big?....like bigger than a normal walmarkup




I myself just agreed to ''the dollartree''....new competition to ''dollarama''

 

my main mission is mousetraps.....caught 3 on my counter and 1 on my floor in the last 48 hours


anyone want a useless friggin cat?

 

one of them pee'd in your coffee mug

 

yes no doubt.....they seem to wait until they are on my counter before feeling the need to defecate so why not....a little mouse pee wont hurt you...I could probably drink an entire single urinations worth of mouse pee without even batting an eye....I mean....how much can one mouse pee.....maybe 1 ml per?

 

hantavirus

 

i'm not looking that up....no way

 

Thought hantavirus was spread through the respiratory system... Breathing dust from droppings. Drinking piss should be fine.

 

Holy Shit.

They are shooting up all of Paris!

 

A little mouse pee never hurt anyone.....except for maybe that whole Black Plague thing that went around but that was long ago.

A guy I kind of know wanted to sell me some Walnut lumber today. I have some right now but this was pretty nice stuff. I was impressed and I wanted to buy it but we were in different worlds on price. He must have paid someone to mill a log he had and that's how he had the lumber. He thought it was worth much more than I did. He may have been right and I even told him so but.....maybe I'm just not the right buyer for him. It's just a log to me. I can go to my mill tomorrow and cut that much lumber in about a half an hour. He wanted about 3 times what I was willing to pay as my top-dollar offer. We pretty much agreed that he didn't need the money that bad to sell it for what I was willing to pay and I didn't need the lumber that bad to pay what he wanted for it.

Funny thing.....before I left, he asked me if I had any Oak I'd be willing to sell him. Honestly, I would have just traded it to him for the Walnut but no.....now that I see how much his lumber is worth.....my Oak costs at least as much, if not more.

 

i thought you said walmart lumber ..

 

I don't accept any story on the news at face value. Maybe it happened that way, maybe it didn't. The coverage is a tool to be manipulated as needed. It was just on TV in the other room and I asked my wife to turn that shit off. She wasn't watching it anyway and I damn sure don't want to hear the blanket coverage in here.

 

I get my lumber at K-Mart!! Fuck Wal-Mart.

 

Totally random fact: I often text my family with the silliest shit just to amuse myself throughout the day. I'll just pick random words, phrases or topics and text them for no reason. I'm going to type out my entire conversation with my 12 yr old daughter today. I was amused. Maybe you guys will find it funny as well. Please stand by. This may take a few minutes.

 

That was from the fleas... Piss is harmless.

 

once feed this guinea pig cannabis for a week and smoked its turds. ( damn, I said I would never tell that story.. again .. http://www.hipforums.com/forum/topic/379722-eating-weed/

 

Text conversation....she tries to respond randomly sometimes too.

Me: Globular clusters.
Her: Air conditioning.
Me: Who you jivin' with that cosmic debris?
Her: Shirley Temple.
Me: Satanic temple.
Her: We just saw someone with an ankle bracelet.
Me: They must have escaped their captors. Your mom used to keep me locked in a cage with a chain around my ankle until I agreed to marry her. An experience that reminded me of being a POW in the Gulf War.
Her: Mom said you're ridiculous.
Her: Microwave
Me: I forgot to tell you that I went to the courthouse on Monday and changed our last name. You are now Cassidy Finklestein-Ramirez.
Her: So now I'm a Mexican Jew?
Me: No. Don't be silly. We're still black Venezuelans. We're just Jewish now too. Oh...and your mom and I have chosen an eventual husband for you. A nice boy named Earnest.
Her: Thank! *enter sarcasm.
Me:Every time we use sarcasm, Satan gets stronger and a baby elephant gets sacrificed. Way to go, Ms. Finklestein-Ramirez...the baby elephant killer. I cried.
Her: Do you even work while you're at work?
Her: I can here joyful polka music.
Me: It might be even better if you can hear it instead.
Her: Stupid autocorrect.
Me: I am star dust and star dust does whatever it pleases...even at work. Put it to a test. Find some star dust and try to make it do what you want.
Me: You probably won't find any star dust laying around though. Star dust hides very well. It's the all-time champion of Hide And Seek. Even better than Jesus was.
Her: Mom says you're weird.
Me: I think she is confusing weird with mysterious. Star dust is not weird. It's mysterious....and handsome and funny. Do you have a $5 bill?
Her: Yes.
Me: I had one once. It was nice but I don't have it anymore. I bet you have mine. Please describe the one you have.
Her: No.
Me: Well....that sounds incriminating. What else am I not aware of? You're dropping out of high school to be in a punk band, aren't you?
Her: No! You're getting ahead of yourself.
Me: What is your grade in geometry?
Her: B
Me: What about Government?
Her: I don't have government classes.
Me: Oops. Wrong daughter. Forget I mentioned any of this. Your name isn't Finklestein-Ramirez either but it can be if you like the name.
Her: DAD!!!
Me: Yes, Sweetie? How can I be of assistance?
Her: Ugg!
Her: I saw this shirt at the mall <sent pic of a shirt in Hawkeye colors that read "Straight Outta Iowa">
Me: Yes....yes you are....straight outta Iowa. But wearing Hawkeye colors is offensive to our religion. The Dark Lord won't be happy.
Her: You're a weirdo.
Me: No. Your face is a weirdo.
Her: Just stop...don't do that.
Her: Do you like this outfit? <sends pics of her wearing the outfit with no shoes in some dressing room>
Me: I can't see it very well on my phone but I'm sure it's beautiful! Are those my blue socks?

That was where the conversation ended. My son and I laughed our ass off for our entire lunch break while that was happening.

 

Wow you are good at texting.

I drive the kids nuts as my standard answer is k. If they are in doubt they send another saying is that a good ok or a bad ok. I either send back a smile or a frown.

I hate texting on phones......

 

Im tired

 

I noticed a small dent in my car were some careless asshole "door dinged" it. It isn't just a small paint chip from minor contact either. It's actually a small dent that someone would have had to have just thrown their car door open to create. It's probably a good thing I wasn't there when it happened.

It didn't even happen when I was driving the car because I don't park near anyone else. Even this afternoon....my wife was giving me shit about parking 8 or 10 spots away from any other cars in the parking lot because it's a further walk to the store. I was like "Considering the dent we just noticed....I think I'll continue to park where I always park".

 

you went to a store with your wife?

lol