Remember when people used to be nice to each other?

Welcome to the wonderfull land of capitalism. If your not family your just business.. :/

 

Or worse...a competitor.

I have another theory that may have some truth to it. Remember the old saying that when you point the finger at others, you have three more pointing back at yourself? That's literally true, and it also means that sometimes criticism tells us more about the speaker than it does about the one being criticized. Maybe much of today's negativity comes from frustration with life in general, and disappointment from unrealistic expectations that didn't work out.

A sour disposition toward others has to come out of personal feelings, not from cold logic, because it isn't likely to produce a good end result. A positive approach is at least a little bit more likely to provoke a positive response from others, so a totally selfish but intelligent and unemotional person would always want to go in that direction.

 

I'm nice to everybody except bullies and phonies and telemarketers. I think geography may play a part. Canadians are genetically predisposed to be nice. (Okay, maybe not genetically. Could be the beer.)

I think folks living in large cities run into cranky or nasty people more often and that tends to tint their world view. I live in a town of about 30,000 and strangers still nod and say "g'day eh" when passing on the street. And nobody gets too upset if an old lady is holding up the line at the grocery while pawing through her purse for the exact change. We know someday it could be us. And besides, it gives us a couple minutes to scope out the covers of those magazines showing us who in Hollywood has cellulite issues.

Generally speaking though, I think the vibes you project tend to be mirrored back. If you're friendly and pleasant, I think you'll find most of the people you interact with will be as well.

 

That is true Karen, but the world has changed soooo much, unfortunately everyone else has changed right along with it. Now if you are too nice or caring you get walked on and screwed over.

 

wrong thread.

FUCKERS

 

So are you saying that the bad-ass approach is often not natural or real? Just a self-defense mechanism?

My sister (one year older) used to project a very tough, uncaring bitch attitude when she was a teenager, I think mostly because she thought that cool people expected that from her. Sometimes she would try it on me, and I would say, "You're forgetting who you're talking to. I'm not impressed with your bullshit."

I learned from her how to act tough and heartless when I need to, but I'd rather not.

Fuck you! I'm not nice to people who post in the wrong thread.

 

Lets see... If I was happy and cheerful and non-sour, I would get along with more people... more people would come visit me... more people would piss me off while here... I would end up hitting people due to the sheer amount of stupidity and ignorance... I would get charged, go to jail and lose everything...

Yeah... I think I'll stick to the cold logic of assuming the 99% of humans are wastes of flesh that I will despise, thanks...

 

Hahaha Tom I have days I feel like that, tho without friends and the many magikal moments brought about by gathering together far out ways the crappy people you have to deal with. I guess its broadening your field of networking. Break out of where you live and make friends far and wide- I guess choosing your circle of friends is the easy option, seeking out others that let new energy into you life helps too! We can all be grumpy, it doesn't mean we need to be mean with it!

People who arent good to one and other soon learn they don't get invited to the best places with lovely people. Lets hope we learn to change that being kind is the best option and the way forward for a happy life, then we might find we come out of of shells more.
:2thumbsup:

 

I think this has lots of merritt! I also think people now a days are not required (by who?) to take responsibilty for themselves. It's always blame someone else.

I see the crapload of that coming down from the government as I work in the education department. Do you know we (schools/teachers) are now responsible for kids skipping school/absences. What the heck happened to parents/students responsibility to get to school and/or calling the cops? Nope we now have to put a plan in place and spend insane amounts of time and resources making sure kids get to school...so they can what???? Drop out!!!!!!!!! Ugh. makes me so mad. I'm not even going to go into other subjects

It just seems to be a never ending blame game in the world...except no one is ever to blame. KWIM?

Now the positive. I actually see and meet a lot of super nice, friendly people. All our neigbors wave to one another as we walk/drive throught the neigborhood. People I meet for the most part out and about are extememely friendly and easy to talk to.

But, I do think times have changed. Media/knowledge has changed our perceptions/fears about things. Do I let my kids out to play like I used to run around the neighborhood all day and night...hell no! I keep an eye on them at ALL TIMES. I lock my doors at all times. I am aware of "stranger danger" even as an adult. Sometimes it seems suffocating...sometimes it seems protective.

Times change and it does seem, that we have changed overall for the worse. And, we discuss often why is this? Knowledge, fear, truth?

 

This is me.

I love your siggy Karen J! Exactly how I feel.

 

This makes one huge assumption that is false... I am not a teenager who has only lived in a basement and have no basis upon which to form an opinion.

I've travelled across the country multiple times, have been to many 'gatherings' by many different names, and met thousands upon thousands of people...

I am who I am by an active choice, based on the people I have met and the experiences I have had. I know that those that I get along with are few and far between and accept that. That does not mean I am willing to accept those that are not of the type I will get along with just to point to more 'friends'.

On another subject... to blame others while whining about how it is all their fault because they blame others... has so much humor in it, it really IS hilarious...

and people wonder why I am so picky... lol

 

Understood, but surely enbracing others with their faults and walts means you have developed a love that is unconditiondal ? I have friends on many different levels we are all different - I am not not saying your way is wrong :2thumbsup:

 

Besides children, why would you want to love anyone unconditionally?

If a person you love steals everything you own, kills your dog and sells your children into slavery... are you still going to love that person?

So much for unconditional love...

Unconditional love given freely is worthless... It has zero value.

Love (and hate) based on concious choices and actions has meaning... value...

Think of it this way... if you have two friends... one who loves everyone, and one who is picky about who they do, which will mean more when they tell you they love someone?

 

To many ppl these days must express the right of free speech by saying whatever they want. They tend to forget things like respect and "treat others in the way you would like to be treated" They want respect from others without giving respect back.

 

I do and I still say gm and hello to everyone I meet.

 

How hard is it to move from a wave to a real conversation? My neighbors will wave at me too, but I find that to be of limited value. I want more.

Has reality changed that much, or is it mostly in our heads? In a nation of 300 million people, does every kidnapping need to be a national news story? I try not to worry much about anything that is less likely than being struck by lightning.

But you haven't told us yet how you figure out who is likely to be in that top 1%. If you treat everybody you meet like dirt from the beginning, you will never find out who is worth knowing. If you have any friends at all, you had to give them a chance at some point before they became friends. I'd like to know more about how you worked this out.

On that point, we are in total agreement. If my friends were to become totally insufferable assholes, they wouldn't be my friends anymore. I don't expect anything like perfection, but there are lines that they cannot cross. Why would I want a friend who didn't know this?

 

Well, for us it does move to friendship or neighborhoodship at the least. We converse with all of our immediate neighbors, because we all put for the the effort, and of the larger neighborhood, we do the wave. The wave alone provides positive feedback and a more likely oppportunity to move toward conversation when meeting face to face. If you want more, why are you not out actively seeking it. That is your responsibility to meet your needs.

Yes, reality or at the least our perception of reality has changed greatly. We are now more aware that rape, violence, crime, etc. happens because we see it worldwide through our media. And that includes not only the news, but our entertainment, as well. It's your choice what to worry about, but if you needed the media for your/loved one's aid, maybe you would put more stock into listening to it.

 

I like everyone until they give me a reason not to.

The people who become my friends are the ones who are honest and upfront about who they are, and who they are, fits in with who I am.

I have almost unlimited love and even forgiveness for friends and those I care about, when it comes to honest mistakes.... I have ZERO forgiveness for either willful ignorance or head games though.

Seems most people seem to thrive on ignoring reality and playing games, it all works out to me having few people I consider friends... but those that are, know beyond a doubt that I would back them up 100% and vice versa.

The best part of this whole conversation is that 20 years ago, not only would I have been on the side of loving everyone and finding the good in everyone... I was one of those people who was quite happy to tell people this...

People taught me differently.

There are good people, people who deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. They're just outnumbered greatly... lol

 

I choose kindness over hatred and disregard for other human beings - and for selfish reasons.

Hate is, to me, the equivalent of self-inflicted pain. So far it has not been worth the mental anguish in all of my short life. But in terms of disregard, I'm with Tom on liking everyone until they give me reason not to. But to give them the brush-off without attempting understanding and forgiveness would rob myself of the chance to learn - even if all I learn is that I cannot trust that person.

 

But you will forgive them them of the thing that shows they can't be trusted... in order to learn you can't trust them?

It makes me twitchy trying to understand that... lol

Not only does it sorta miss the point, it also aggravates it... not only for you, but also those who come in contact with that person in the future.

You meet someone for the first time, start to get to know them, seem to get along, start to think of them as a friend and then one day, they steal 10$ from you.

My reaction... punch them in the head, tell them to fuck off, and promptly forget about them... (unless they show up again...lol)

Your reaction... talk to them and try to understand what it was that made them do it... maybe they had a good reason... perhaps they hadn't eaten in days... maybe they needed crack... maybe they wanted to buy some homeless guy a meal... blah fucking blah... they know better now... won't happen again... you're a real pal...

What they learn....

From me: Don't steal from your friends.

From you: Don't get caught stealing from your friends, but if you do, have a good sob story handy.

A few years down the line... my way... my life hasnt been bothered by them anymore...

Your way... this has happened again... Why? because when it happened the first time, you forgave them. Then the second time, and third... til whatever number it was that finally broke your will and you snapped, punching them in the head and telling them to fuck off...

But wait... its not over yet...

The future of that person...

My way... they learn that some people think friendship means something and should be cherished and are less likely to steal from their new friends.

Your way... They wonder just what crawled up your ass... realize you are just an asshole and move on to the next friend... whom they go through the same cycle with... but this time, with experience to back them up that they are right, and those who don't forgive them are wrong.

Don't take the "your way" to mean I think I know exactly what you would do in those situations... they are my view of what you are saying you would.