Sick of Polyamory in Community!!

well, then what do you do, I assume its more than a smile and a handshake....

 

heya soda

Usually you are more amiable than in this post - buttons getting pushed ?
Does it really harm you or make it wrong when others may believe and act differently than you, yet do not push you to act in like manner ? why such a volatile reaction ?
Most "monogamous" relationships end in divorce and most have affairs with other than the espoused ongoing during their marriage.
Seems that we are all in sore need of a different way of loving - Not to say that those that are swingers or polyamores do not have issues regarding their own chosen lifestyles. Jealousy and envy raise their heads regardless of one's orientation. We live in a co-dependent society that denigrates those that do not partake in the program foisted upon us all.

Peace and blessings whatever you choose as your Way - It's all about Growing anyway and there is no specific way one must live to grow.

NAMASTE

 

No man, I didnt mean to sound "mean", I truly do hold to the creed of "to each his own", but I like to debate things and this was a good subject to jump on...I was once involved in such a type of relationship , one of those "we can see other people" deals, and it was all well and good, just as long as she was the one seeing other people and I was the one waiting around, but as soon as I found someone else to hang around with..DRAMA!!...Like alot of things, it sounds like a good idea at first, but not for long. If it works for some, right now, more power to them, but sooner or later, they'll have problems. It truly does sadden me though, that pure physical expression is too often mistaken for or equated with love.

I dont think the fact that I have an opinion that could be considered old fashioned means that I have a closed mind. Some people like to screw sheep.....some don't, does that mean the ones that don't are....CLOSE-MINDED?

 

no just the ones telling them they'll go to hell for it

 

To each their own.

Nobody is right. Nobody is wrong. It just works for some people not everyone but not for all. That's like a no brainer right there. So why is it some folks who spout its wrong for others to feel as they do say so very uninformed about what goes on beyond the western world?

Ok yes yes, sometimes poly relations get all twisted up and drama. But so do mono relations, friendships, business partnerships, etc. Its not always about the screwing in the bedroom but if we can kinda pull away from that for A LITTLE WHILE {can you manage that folks} ?? poly relations once outside the bedroom are maintained like any other relationship thus break down like any other only more than one person can get hurt.

Communication is the key so if you aren't talking about what is bothering you about your particular community then no one knows thus everyone thinks everything is all hunky dorie.

Talk or walk, man; but simply laminating here will not fix your issues though I hope you get some ideas as to how to handle them

Good luck and blessings to you

 

"I dont think the fact that I have an opinion that could be considered old fashioned means that I have a closed mind. Some people like to screw sheep.....some don't, does that mean the ones that don't are....CLOSE-MINDED?"


telling us we are wrong for this lifestyle was being closeminded.


and yes i do have sex but i pick a "playmate" you were hinting that i go and "fuck everyone i find attraction" that isn't the case. I'm not out chasing as much as i can get that isnt what is going on.

What i'm thinking is you got burnt in your situation and your resentment is coming out sideways on the people that do live this lifestlye sucessfully. Sorry!

 

i agree with this post

 

crystalstarr, why do you have a need to fuck another person besides your husband?

 

what does polyamory have to do with sex? It seems to have some confusion here.

appolo and soda you both sound like you lack the capacity to understand
the non-traditional relationship. You say that it means you dont truely love someone
and refuse to accept it when we say we do. Other cultures are full of poly, both men with multiple wives, women with multipule husbands, hell man you can't judge the world based on your narrow little mind.

Im not preaching against mono relationships on here, you need to get over it man. You are a bit too bitter sounding actually, maybe it didnt go well for you, or maybe you are jealous, or maybe you are over compensating.

Kinda like men who refuse to accept their homosexuality, and deside to "queer bash" somebody because it makes them seem less gay. It sounds like this is less of a pet-pieve and more a life definining hate.

stop sounding so bitchy.

 

In reply to the original post. I think People are reaching for something more. As Old Wolf said (correct me if I'm wrong), it's not so much about the dynamic, as it is about the individual honoring self, and any expression of self that is heartfelt. The drama occurs when the expression of self isn't "allowed" and Ego's are bruised. To be in a monogamous relationship sometimes requires the limitation of self for the sake of the couple. If everyone in the community allowed for every individual to be an individual first, and to follow their natural expressions, there would be no bruised egos, no possessiveness...no drama. It's the desire to control the thoughts and actions of someone outside of yourself that causes all the drama. It happens everywhere though, not just in communal living situations.
These people are probably not ready to give up the desperate grasp that the ego has on them. In concept, allowing for the expression of love is a wonderful joyous thing. When you watch your "partner" express it for someone else, the Ego says...What about me? The true expression of love is when the ego isn't present and your thoughts are for the love being shared regardless of whether it's you experiencing it or not. I know that this runs contrary to what most of society believes and practices, but the ego couldn't admit to having selfish motives now could it?

Really great approach Old Wolf, I love it when someone cuts to the heart of the matter and deals with the disease instead of placating symptoms. For everyone that thinks that it's all about sex, I just don't know what to say.

Polyamory isn't the answer to all of the problems, but it isn't the evil behind them either.

Peace and love to you all.

 

I'm probably late to this like usual but I know from experience that polyamorous can be a beautful thing, but it can also be filled with anger, hate, jealousy. But with every human experience and relationship there will be these emotions. Me and my old man have a very open relationship him with other women and me with other men. We take our vows seriously and we love each other with every energy of our life but we also love the openness and freedom that we have given each other. It's made our bond stronger and we have taught each other new things that we've learnt from others. We do love and lust each other. It has nothing to do with cheating around. Its an open relationship. It's an intense experience and theres nothing wrong with it... Its free lust. Given the fact that you have to be more careful these days, std tests and use of condoms... not as free love as it used to be, but its free in the mind set that you are allowed to be free with your love and lust.. giving of your feelings to another human being. it is love but it is also lust.

 

i think everyone is expressing their own individual plays on it....as Miguel Ruiz states, dont take anything personal......if someone says "ok, polygamy is wrong" they are in essence saying it is wrong for them. if someone is for it, they are saying in their heart desires, it works.
personally, its not a situation i would be comfortable in. does that make me codependent? who knows....but i just know what does and doesnt feel comfortable to me.....if someone else wants to deal with that entire situation, then good for them, they are a bigger person then i am and i commmend them for being able to back their emotions out of it. to me....the jealousy and the hurt would simply not be worth it....and in knowing myself and in being true to myself i would have to find a love that read love the same way that i do. i do not feel that two people in a completely monogomaous relationship are in a position of codependency though. and if they are.....if you judge them for that, its the same as them judging you for being polygamous.

 

Amen An Amen!!!

 

It's been my experience that polyamorous relationships are very hard work. But can be worth it. Especially in community. I mean, it's not like in "normal" society where you don't have to necessarily deal with things, at least not right away. There's a lot more space and room for bullshit or avoidance if things get uncomfortable.
But in community there you are, everyone, the next day, and WE ALL KNOW ABOUT IT!! You have to work together, eat, maybe even live in the same building! I think it takes a common goal or ideal that is bigger than just my/yourself to bond relationships to force you to hang with people, to work things out. If you're just in community for the relaxed lifestyle, maybe closer to nature, or into organics, or farming or whatever, then it probably won't work for you.
I personally believe that as an animal, a species, we are polyamorous. But at the same time, I think everyone is looking for that "soulmate" that ultimate lover. I dunno, but I don't think I can be anyone's EVERYTHING. Nor can anyone be mine.
The basic law of the land today and for thousands of years is deciet and competition. Me against you for the car, the girl, the house, the job, etc. and look what it's gotten us. How does this end?
You and I like the same girl WHAT DO WE DO?!?!?!
Do we fight it out?
Do we both give up and settle for nothing?
Does the chick even know either of us is alive?!?!
How do we live by our Ideals?
I have to agree with Peacedaisy in that it's not just about love, but about lust and greed and friendship and jealousy and joy and pain... all the same things that one finds in dealing with monogomous relationships.
If there's a lot of drama and crazyness going on where you are due to the polyamory, then chances are somethings not working. It takes a support system of friends to be able to sit down and look at each other and themselves and ask "What's going on here? Is all this worth it? What or how can things be different? What do we have to do to make things work?" or maybe the only reason THEY are in community is to find a "socially acceptable" environment to fool around in.
It certainly isn't going to work to just be mad at THEM for their lifestyle while they turn up their noses at YOU for your views. What's the bigger picture here? What's your community's mission? It always helps to go back to the basics.
I currently don't live in community and I am in a monogomous relationship. It's different in a way, because I was in a community for over five years where polyamory was widely practiced. But I'll tell you what, I don't think I could pull it off "out here". There isn't the support and sense of community now. It was tough enough to deal with all the stupid jealous, insecure shit I thought I was above and over while I lived there. I/we sure as hell would have a tough time trying to do it on our own! And what's the point, anyway. I mean in my community, polyamory was all about the bigger picture...How do we live on this planet and not compete with each other? It wasn't just about "hey I like her, but she's hot too, oh and so is she! and her and..."
I dunno, I'm just ranting I guess.

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