so alone

i would work out till i was tired

 

drunken argument, so dumb, I get so stubborn when I start getting pretty messed up, she took off last night and hasnt contacted me, I was going to ask her to marry me in a few weeks and everything.. I feel bad she has a bad history with hard drugs, I know shes up to no good right now.

 

I walked around the city for hours today trying to make myself tired, I could collapse from exhaustion, but I cant stop my thoughts.. and I havent eaten either so that doesnt help.

 

could u liek go find her and make up?

 

no she went with her friends on the other side of town.. I have no idea where even.. all her clothes and stuff are here so shes going to come back at some point..probably tommorrow cause she has to work monday.

 

Well then you could get right then cant u?

 

Id put off the proposal plans for a few years

 

awwww yeah youre right.. sucks though shed be a baddass wife if it wasnt for the partying. Ill see how it goes tommorrow, or when I talk to her next, not sure if Im down with the way I was treated either, I want to cling to her but I want to say bye at the same time.

 

I've done that before.

I had a bit of a breakdown where I couldn't sleep for days. In highschool I would do that type of shit for giggles; but when you want to sleep, it's horrible.

Meditate, move around and wear yourself out (I recommend walking about outside), and most importantly, find a way to relax yourself.
I suggest listening to music for a bit, whether it's blues, metal, or some James Taylor; whatever relaxes you best.

Oh, and eat something. Your gut is connected directly to the distress center of the brain.

 

dear god do i ever feel like this somtimes. its a normal part of being human and being alive. be worried if you don't feel ANYTHING.

 

lol yeah

 

there's millions of miles of stuff all around you, how could you ever feel alone boy george

 

ugh its back again i feel like some one is holding me down