Thank you! It is soooooooooooooo hard. I think opiates do something to your brain that make you temporarily insane. Like when I was in rehab, I was thinking of ways to have people bring me drugs. and having these crazy drug dreams every night. and had no energy and, honestly felt like dying. It gets easier everyday.. it's just so hard at the same time cause everyone has that "I just wanna get high one more time" mentality.
I used everything from Codeine syrup and Tylenol 3 extracts to Fentanyl, Heroin, Dilaudid, Demerol, OxyContin, Methadone, and Suboxone for 11 years before finally going to the doctor and getting put on Suboxone maintenance. During that time period I also spent about 8 years of it in an alcoholic stupor when trying to come off opiates. I haven't had a beer in about a year and a half, and before that one beer (which was on my birthday, with Nick, by the way, this is John ) it was another year or so of non-drinking. And I didn't even finish that beer, lol. That was the night a tractor trailer took out the front of my Jeep on the Brooklyn Bridge and we walked around Manhattan during the celebration for the legalization of gay marriage and I got beer bottles thrown at me for wearing my tiara. Anyway, sobriety works for some people, and for some it doesn't. I can't maintain without at least Suboxone and while it's expensive and in certain ways degrading, it keeps me from going to the block and out of the hospitals and the perpetual nightmares of not knowing how I'm going to keep from being sick in a few hours. While I've considered that I might want to come off of it entirely and attempt a fully sober lifestyle, I also know that I've tried to do that several times and failed, so I don't consider it much anymore. When and if my situation right now comes to an end, I've already been 'accepted' into methadone clinics, and will go that route if I can't replace my doctor. I have been absolutely ruined by opiates, my mind will never go back to how it was before taking them. It's been almost two years that I've been on this program and in that interim I've relapsed three times (with heroin), smoked DMT nearly 100 times, and taken a few other psychedelics. While opiates are the most corrupting and 'evil' of all the drugs known, for me, none were more detrimental to my sanity than alcohol.
ahhhh, I use suboxone to kick, but really, 2 weeks tops for me. Just be prepared that if you decide you want to come off suboxone, it is an extremely hellish WD from what I understand.. this one girl in rehab was withdrawaling for like 11/12 days straight - and there's nothing they can give you for sub withdrawal. however, I do know a kid from home who tapered himself (over the course of about 6mos) from 16mg a day to a 16th of a sub a day (.5mg) and just this past month completely stopped em all together. He said his WD was non existent because he tapered his use down so low. Not sure if you are even thinking about getting off them - just thought I'd tell ya what I know. Congrats on not drinking! Alcohol hasn't been much of a problem for me the past couple years, but I just have no desire to drink as of right now. I pretty much just wanna get high. Edit: I can't believe people threw beer bottles at you for wearing a tiara?.. People are dumb. I love the Brooklyn bridge BTW, where I stayed in rehab was in Lancaster, PA! it was Amish country. with horses and buggies and lots of PA folks!
What a night. And to top it all off the subway system changed the train lines (F train running on the A/C line or something) and there were absolutely no announcements to clue anyone in, so we had to walk all the way to the nearest J/M train. I've had a few beers since then but never more than 2, usually just 1, and I haven't been drunk since I was in Portland which is something the me from 3 years ago would never have believed the future (present) me would say. Having opiates in your system absolutely ruins any euphoric potential in alcohol, but considering the way I'd get sometimes I'm clearly better off. I'd do pretty much any drug if it's in front of me but suboxone, coffee and cigarettes are all I really need on a daily basis these days. But I'm sure if methoxetamine were still easily available I'd be as insane as I was last winter.
You're on suboxone too? Wtf, is this a new trend I didn't hear about. When did you go to Portland? Did you like it? How are you doing now? (Thanks for being my friend these past years... wait nevermind!)
There we go!! Haha I can't remember if I knew this was you, or not. But yea man, and remember that black dude? "Are you guys gay? Where are you going? Can I come with you?"
Yeah, I've been on suboxone maintenance since early 2011. It's worked out pretty well. It's a long story, but since last year I've jumped from Portland to Brooklyn to San Francisco to my mom's house, and I'm going back to San Francisco in about a month. I sent you like two different emails earlier this year, maybe one of them was last year. I assumed you were ignoring me but maybe your old email is defunct.
My God... you people here are such druggies! Eww! You need to learn to live a healthy life like true hippies. :sick2:
Yeah this is my new name. Sure I remember. It was a little sad. That whole scene was really something else; of course the West Village, along with Chelsea is really the gay area of Manhattan which I've been acclimated to since I was a kid, but that night it was remarkably festive.
I'm only doing what the DMT gods told me to do. I assume the same is the case for my friends. Maybe YOU are not a true hippy, huh?
It was a little sad, true, but mostly it was fun, we took advantage of a very fucked up situation and made it memorable. I remember waiting for the sun to come up and turning the Jeep on and driving back across the bridges with the whole front end exposed. Actually, I'm not 100% sure, but I think my sig photo was taken about an hour after I got home that next morning, I passed out in Aura's bed and Sophia came and put all her toys around me and I didn't even know a photo was taken of me until later on. Yes now I am 100% certain, that is when it is from, thats what I looked like at the time, before my hair go so long and blonde.
I can't argue with the DMT gods. They do shine bright upon exposed bottoms, stuffing them will all sorts of magical drugs, ponies, and cocks. Oh, the cocks! :love:
All in all it was a fun and memorable night, but that trucker who ripped of the whole front and headlights was such an asshole. All he cared about was that you weren't going to press charges and that his camera wasn't working. Then the police took hours to get there while I'm worrying about the 1/8 of shrooms and 1/8 of weed in my bag.
HAHA Yea that piece of shit, and the cops were unbelievably cool, the first thing that would have happened most anywhere else was a breathalizer test and a request to search the vehicle. I can't believe we just skated off, and with no lights! Incredible night, it was definitely my funniest birthday.
Straight, sassy, single, married, and wide lower lipped female. A lot more than a silly Jared Leto lookalike like you can handle. :afro:
Probably so, I don't believe I can handle much. Sex frightens me. And I don't look like that dude, he looks like me, if anything.
Sex frightens you? You need a real woman like me to show you how to do it! I had it with Clint Eastwood once on a set. Clint Eastwood. He'd never cheat on his wife with anyone, but he sure loved loose hippie me lol!!! But no, you look like Jared Leto. Deal, bro.
