Sterilization Should Be Available To All.

Well... she already saids right away that the IUD isnt normally given to women like me ........ same old shit ......

Norplant would have been my first choice! BUT I think it was made unavailable in the States around 2003 ... That I dont understand... WHY take away the most effective form of birth control (next to abstinence and sterilization)? ..... for its great amount of effectiveness it had some of the least side effects ..... It pissed me off to find out it was no longer available ......

 

yeah, thats exactly what would be my problem. Like I said ... I couldnt even remember to take my anti-depressant alot of time... I get scatterbrained sometimes, I sometimes write notes to myself, and forget to read them... lol

Oh, I would love it if something would "adversely affect my fertility" !! ........ UGHH .... before I do! I am no stranger to self-harm ............... just let these freakin doctors try to withhold something from me.... watch me fix this problemfor myself....

Lol .. yeah and moodiness and weight gain are 2 things I cannot afford .... I have been clinically depressed and I already have weight problems. I have problems. .... I dont need any more problems.

 

ah, I just love how 19 year old males try to give me words of unknowledgable wisdom.. I am NOT your average woman, and the older I get the more I know how much I will NEVER be mothering a baby. So, spare me.....

 

lol ... why dont more people think like this? or think about this...

 

......I would never be up to the task. Life is incredibly difficult for me. So often I have just hated my life and wanted to die. It takes all my energy and dedication to just force myself to fight my battles every day.

I believe there are women who were born to be mothers. Others find themselves in that position and it works for them. Then there are those who just never were meant to be, or just shouldnt be. I fall into the latter category...

Overpopulation is a big issue with me too. Hey, if I ever even THOUGHT about wanting some kids around .... there are many many many who need to be adopted or fostered.... or just those who need someone, like the kids in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters/mentor programs. Dont get me wrong people ... I am ok with kids. .... as long as they are at least a couple years old.. I cant handle being around babies much, never could. My older sister has a 7month old .... makes me nervous when he is around, but I adore my 3 yr old niece (I still cant handle having her around much either ..... I used to babysit her and it drove me up the walls....)
but yeah ..... there are enough people with kids around...... why do people feel like EVERYONE MUST have kids? *shakes head*
and why is there such a bad stigma on people who dont want any? *sighs*

 

hippychickmommy ... Ive seen you post before and couldnt help but see your pic and think ..."she is a beautiful person, the kind of woman I wish I were sometimes..."

Seriously ... it must be so nice to just be a "normal" woman ..... *sighs*

Maybe if I were born a different person, or in a different lifetime ....... maybe if life had been different for me, or just .... IF............
maybe there would have been a desire in me to have kids. I imagine that it must be so nice to have a wholesome and good relationship and just be this ideal woman .......

Ya know what yall? My decision has not been easy. Its effected me all through my life. Imagine the wierd looks I got from women when in my teens I would tell them that I NEVER wanted kids! Imagine growing up in a church atmosphere that basically said that women werent "good women" if they didnt want children ... and the way that made me feel about myself.....
imagine all the wonderful guys I have had to pass by, because I knew they would want children and I wouldnt, and I would never want to get myself in a relationship where I would have to deny the one I love, something he desired..... that would just tear me apart to see him longing, and break my heart........

Yes, this has been a lifetime of thought and a difficult choice, and has required me to make sacrifices by passing up on relationships and has made me looked down on by alot of people ........... but still, I KNOW that childbirth/rearing is not something that should be in my life.. and I will stick by my choice no matter what, or how much it costs me...

 

Ugh... (((((((((*bighumongoushugs*))))))))))

Like I said, thirty three, still..no desire at all. I think it's a good thing to be making the right choices for you.

 

Ok. Just realize that one can love children or pets for that matter BUT have no desire to have any. I love cats and dogs but I'm allergic to them so can never have any. That's alright with me, there's plenty of pets in my apt. building and my neighbours and I are friendly enough that petting their dogs is alright.

Same thing with kids. I have a nephew who I love like my own son, regard him as my own son seeing that I won’t have any of my own. I love kids, but I also love…
playing loud music that’s not kid appropriate right thru to the wee hours,
going out on the spur of the moment,
staying out late,
keeping more of my income,
having only myself to worry,
etc.
I also have anger management issues that should be worked out before I have kids. Plus over-population is a big issue with me.

I wanted to state this cos the general attitude towards childless ppl is we don’t adore kids – this is untrue. I know several ppl who are good with kids and they tell everybody they get their ‘kid fix’ by being with other ppl’s kids and they don’t want any of their own.

 

If you have insurance you need to type a letter describing you desire not to have children. Make copies and send it to all the providers in your area. Someone will do it for you. I have known 2 people who went this route and both had female Docs who responded and tied their tubes for them. Remember medicine is a BIG business and someone out there will be more than happy to do what you want. Keep searching.

 

I don't understand this, why is it not normally given to women like you, what makes you an ineligible candidate for the IUD. I'm asking this cos there is a concerted effort out there to make BC unavailable to women. So ask her what it is that makes you unqualified.

 

Ask yourself who makes the laws, then you will have your answer.

 

it's riskier and such for women whose wombs haven't been stretched by prior pregnancies and childbirth. harder to insert and keep in place properly. again, it's a matter of covering their asses from lawsuits.

 

free2fly, I am sorry you have had it so hard. I understand you desire not to have kids, and that should be respected by the medical profession. I think there were many people who demanded reversal of their Tubal or Vas. These procedures are not really successful and many doctor's have been sued for doing what a patient wanted years of even months ago. My OB has said he had womyn who wanted their tubals reversed only months after having it done. Usually due to a new relationship. But, I do think that anyone who wants this surgery should be able to have it done. The doctor should have a contract signed (similar to the contract pain pateints sign when they start taking large quantites of narcotics for their health problems) that states that they TOTALLY understand that a Tubal is a permanent procedure and that it will not be reversed. And, this will be available to any doctor the patient goes to in the future to request reversal. I understand both sides of the issue. But, womyn NEED to be allowed to do with their bodies as they please. I wonder if men have this problem with vasectomies? I don't know. I'd like to know.

I think hippychickmama was NOT dissing people who are not wanting kids, just saying that she really wanted them. and she never said anything to disrespect womyn who do not want children. She was stating HER desire.

 

Thank you, fritz!...

 

Thanks lola, good advice... unfortunately I dont have insurance...


Im to the point where I would save to pay for the whole damn thing myself! lol .... think they would turn down the $2,000-$10,000 (I think thats what I remember reading it costs on the P.P. website) cash? hahaha

 

I dont remember exactly what she said ... but it was basically the same as what I was told about the sterilization ............

I strongly got the impression that they simply want young women to bear children. I live in conservative/redneck/religious territory .......

I insisted that I wanted to be sterilized because I NEVER wanted to get pregnant, EVER ....... she came back at me immediately with "well sterilization isnt 100% effective either" (this I thought was an absolutely ridiculous statement ....... how can you compare sterilization to the pill? With sterilization the chances are only 1 out of 100,000 (if I remember correctly) ..... and isnt the pill, 1 out of 100? She was soo trying to push the pill on me to start..

When I asked about sterilization, she said that wasnt available at this clinic, which I expected. But she said something about even if it was available there, they wouldnt want to do it to me because of blah blah blah ................................ SO .... I asked if this clinic could even make a referral (because with referrals, sometimes costs can be covered for low-income people etc) ........ she didnt want to answer me directly ...... kept going around it, saying stuff about "well..... even if another clinic would do sterilizations, they blah blah blah blah " Then she brought up the issue of cost, saying that insurance most likely wont cover it (she was doing everything she could to be discouraging) ...... I asked her, "well, wouldnt they let me make payments on it?" ..... she was geting annoyed at my insistence...... well anyways, couldnt get a referal out of her but she did tell me to check out some other place ............... I had to "remind" her before I left the office to even dig the name/number up for me.....

The issue with the blood pressure was unexpected. She was concerned because high blood pressure and strokes run on my mom's side of the family (boith sides of the family have heart problems, etc, too) ........... and said BC can elevate blood pressure and increase risk of strokes.............................
the way I see it, this is YET ANOTHER REASON WHY I should have access to sterilization!!!

 

*nods* ... yep.

 

Maggie Sugar, thanks for trying to compare equal sides of this... Yah I understand the doctors concerns ... I just wish they would listen to ME instead of comparing me with the rest!

I am very different. I am not going to change my mind. I have went as far as to try to seek out relationships with people who DONT want kids ...... or, have avoided getting involved with anyone for as long as possible............. I will not change my mind about kids, and any guy interested in me hears this from me at the beginning!.... because personally I am tired of getting my hopes up, only to be hurt later when they change their mind about me, or when they realize that they cant change ME. (thats another story altogether ... trying to convince guys that I really DO know that this is what I want ... sighs*) .... shit, maybe I am going about this all wrong. Maybe I need to find a sterile guy or one that has had a vasectomy!.. lol ... ok not really funny ... but .... yeah ... *sighs*

Oh.... I would be TOTALLY happy to sign anything to put all the responsibility on me! "Yes yes please... just hand over the papers!" lol....

hey... I was just talking to my sister about the same thing today .... seriously, I too would like to know if guys have it easier than women! I'll bet that guys dont get all the shit about their age and having previous children, like the women do. Oh Im sure doctors try to discourage them ..... but with gender comes priveledge, and they probably dont get told flat out "NO" the way women do...... and shit, they are sooo lucky because it is so much simpler for a man to have procedure done, and SOOOO much cheaper!.. I really would like to know if doctors hold the power over them as is done to women...

oh... I didnt have any problem with what hippychickmommy said ... I totally understand what she was saying ... that was just one of my points.... there are some women, like hippychickmommy, who have the desire and make wonderful mothers... and thats great Then there are those who have no desire and for many other reasons, just dont make good mothers.

.......................................

I would really love to see some positive messages in the world, for a change.... to promote better CHOICE. Instead of people pushing women to have children and creating bad stigmas for those who dont want children, ... why not address the problem of all the abandoned, neglected, abused, or emotionally challenged children who are the result of women who had children -not because they wanted them- but because they thought they were SUPPOSED to, or because they were made to believe they would be bad women if they didnt have children..? ...................... yes, much of the pressure is not spoken ... it just IS, but, its felt, nonetheless........... *sighs* .... gosh I wish it would change.....

This has all made my life very difficult. I am usually a sweet and nice girl... yes I have some issues... but I am a caring and sincere person....... but its stuff like this that totally flips me out. I'm a mess when I feel like people are controlling me and forcing me to be someone Im not. The thought of higher authority withholding something from me just because they CAN ..... well, it totally freaks me out.

Then ... there was the feeling of disappointment to my parents for not producing grandchildren (ok, so not really, I got over that a LONG time ago, and finally I got it through their heads that I would never change my mind,lol) .......

......then it was the hopeless feeling of being alone because I like nice guys, but most all nice guys want kids ................. and everytime someone likes me this is what gets in the way ..........

I SO cant wait to just be sterilized. Because once its done, I can finally tell guys that HEY I AM FIXED and then they wont waste their time trying to get to know me, or secretly thinking they can change my mind later....... and, itll save me the hurt of disappointment over and over again.... *sighs*

I feel badly for any women who have to deal with the doctors and the power control stuff... because Im really starting to see just what we are up against.

And I am feeling so down (lol, no, not pity partying... ) ..... ok, I just feel very discouraged. For some reason this is all, so depressing.....

.... I am very very sad right now.....

 

((((((hugs, sis!))))))) I can definitely understand what you're talking about the medical field doesn't pay enough mind to what women want to do with their own bodies. And the rest of the world often doesn't get it either. Personally, I've noticed a change in peoples' attitudes just in the last couple years of my life. All of a sudden everyone's questioning why my boyfriend and I don't have kids.

I'm not even 100% certain that I DON'T want to have kids, but it's gotten to be too big a hassle to even have the whole conversation. I usually just tell people I'm not medically capable, because of my PCOS, and that'll usually end it. I hate having to do it, but it's definitely nice to not have to explain to every person I meet that I can't even pay my OWN rent, much less support a child....

Well, don't stop trying. If you're persistant you can't fail. I know it's frustrating, but we're behind ya!

 

Thanks humblebee! I am going to be persistent. Regather myself and think of some other approaches.

Thanks yall ... .. for listening to my long rants. I was really upset the other day. Its so nice to have a place like this to be able to come and spill my guts out and people who understand me... thanks again