Strongest trip you've had?

uh oh
someones in the doghouse

 

we BOTH need that miracle right now. any advice? what worked for you?

 

First of all, it needs 2 of you. One can never sort the things out, you both need to sit and talk. Whenever conversation starts to be intense and "loud" (you know what I mean), one of you, who remembers first shoud stop that and you start from the begining, returning to the most important feeling-LOVE. If you love each other and I deeply belive that you do, nothing else is stronger than that feeling, nothing else is not more important. Return to begining - "I love you, do you love me" - "Yes" - "Lets start from the begining". None of us shouldn't live in the past, even if it is just 5 minutes ago. Start living in this second. It doesn't matter who made bigger mistake and who didn't and bla, bla, bla... What is done, it is done, what are we going to do now so we don't make the same mistakes again. I think you get my point, but it is important that both of you get it, and talk, all the time - talk. Don't let pile of small, little, unimportant things to acumulate because they eventually explode like a nuke. It is important to sort as much little things as you can, and then there will never be the "big" thing. What is so big that can not be forgiven? It is always the acumulation of small things, and than when you explode, you don't even have a descent reason to explain why you exploded, because other side will always ask: "And just because of that you are making so much noise", and than it goes to: "And it is not just that, it also...." but none of those things are worth fighting that much. At the end of story you both end up by thinking that that other person is quilty. In life all of us must first look deep inside ourselfs, because usually thats the place where the quilty one is, but we all tend to look around ho is the quilty one for our misery. If everybody start living by rule: what you don't want to be done to you, don't do it to others, there would be no fight at all, there would be no need to forgive. But it is very difficult to do that on a global proportions, but at least that can be implemented in a family. Every family should try to achieve that level.
I don't know what else to tell you, the only one who can help are the 2 of you, and if you are smart, you guys will throw out all false feelings and habits and return back to the strongest one -Love, there is nothing love can't solve.
We love you guys, and expect to hear from both of you that you sorted out the issues, and since you both started it publicly I expect to see public apology from both of you to each other!

 

Yes, and I amlost forgot...... Maybe it is time for a nice trip together, its Friday anyway......

 

we just did. we had a E trip and i thought we had worked it all out. then i ate that slice of fucking cheese.

 

wow,

after reading this i don't think we are going to make it at all. you have twisted all the facts to mean something different.

the reason i posted this shit up hear was because like i said your pride will not allow you to change. every thing you have said here was in attempts to make me look bad. good for you. i often said how much i love your smile and how your face brightens up my day - i said this all the time... of course you forget.

we went to the sub place for lunch because you said that they had subs with less than 3 grams of fat. when he asked if you wanted extra cheese i looked at you and VERY NICELY said are you sure? (3grams of fat does not include the cheese) you ignored me like i have no reason to suggest less cheese or no cheese. then you proceed to order a can of root beer - not diet root beer but fully loaded with sugar root beer. this 3 gram lunch you were looking forward to turned out to be a who cares about my weight lunch. the path towards a healthy mara-aum will not be easy. now, this is not a big deal at all. what the problem is, is that you wouldn't listen to what i was saying. you got mad at me for saying that you were making a mistake by ordering such things - you got very defensive and that is when i got upset with you. not like i was mad or yelling at you in the restaurant when we were eating. we got into the car and you fight and deny what i have to say to the point where i am totally pissed off.

now i post on here in hopes that you will back down but no you push it further by trying to make me look bad.

these are not the only problems in our relationship. you have many things that you do that are ways of pushing men out of your life and i must say that you are succeeding.(especially after this post)

as for the house work - i am a very clean guy - (cleanliness is close to godliness) very important to me and when i am not suffering from tendonitis of the shoulders and feet(which if i aggravate would mean that i can not play guitar for even longer) i do my fair share around the house - actually in my past relationships i have been the one who does most of the cleaning. my last relationship i would clean the entire house (including the bathroom) and cut the lawn in exchange for her cleaning the kitchen most of the time.

mara, not only are you lazy, you do not like to do things for your man. you see doing things for your man and yourself as a chore. when we first met your place was a fucking mess - i guess i should have known, of course i thought i could just clean the place around you and set the example in hopes that you catch on. but that changes when you can't be on your feet because of tendonitis and you can't use your arms because of tendonitis. if you do things for the people you love because you love to do things for them you will feel happy and the other person will naturally feel like doing things for you in return. when you avoid doing things for your man because you resent men for some reason you have a man who starts to loose interest in you.

i should be better in a few months and at that point i can do a lot of the work around here. but honestly i am fed up with your shit and this period in our lives has been a powerful test for you. i just started a new job where i need to where dress shirts and pants that need to be ironed. because of my arm i am afraid to use the iron. mara has always said to herself that she will never iron a mans cloths (some sort of women’s lib thing i guess),, normally i wouldn't mind if i had to iron my own cloths but i am injured. can you believe that she still makes a big deal out of it like it is some sort of horribly difficult chore to do - making me feel guilty for some reason. she should be happy to do it for me - if she truly loved me she would do this for me with no guilt trip. same goes with the stuff around the house. she acts like there is something wrong with the fact that she has to do all the work around here. i am injured, she should be happy to do it - not bitch about it.

you talk about the loosing weight thing like it is me threatening you to do so. we went to a doctor to find out why we can't have children (after two miscarriages) and the only thing he can find wrong with either one of us is the fact that you are fat! he said that if you loose weight you will have a better chance at seeing a pregnancy though to completion. when we understand that being over weight effects the chances that we can have a baby it also makes sense why fat people are not as sexually attractive. it also makes sense that because we are 31 and 33 and i would like to at some point have children that this loosing weight thing is very important to me.

i said what i said only so these people can have some idea of what is going on. of course there is a lot to this and i am not going to spend all day typing. honestly i don't think you will every come around, especially after reading that post of yours.

if you had of come on line with a different attitude and actually take responsibility for your actions i might see reason to continue. but this is obviously going to be a fight. i don't want to go on and on with this if you are not willing to change and by the sounds of it you are not. instead of being a person who understands why your husband is upset with you, you try to make him out to be the bad guy.

like i said i posted this because i know you already have issues with your pride and if you can back peddle when it is just me i want to see what you will do in front of people and sure enough you fail.

i don't know what else to say. come around or yes i will leave you. not because you are fat. because you are unable to change for the better - not only for your man but for yourself. you are lazy and selfish. who am i to think that a man could somehow make you see why being a healthy woman who takes care of their man in whatever way they can is a good thing. like i said i do my share around the house - actually history before you proves that i do more around the house than most woman. i am fed up with your shit. change for the better or i am out of here. and i don't mean over night. like i said to you yesterday - i married you because i plan on spending the rest of my life with you so a year or two of you becoming healthy is something i am willing to wait out. but that is only if you are making and honest effort along the way. also you have to stop being so defensive. yes, when you justify your actions you are saying that you plan on doing it again and again.
as many of you would probably agree that mara is a wonderful woman in a lot of ways. hopefully reading this will help some of you realize that even when people seem to have a very good fit, marriage can be a very difficult thing.

when we got married part of our vows were about being healthy and being there for each other. although we plan on spending the rest of our lives together we also have certain obligations to uphold. mara is not doing her part in this union and therefor it might be the best idea for both of us to end it before she pulls me down into her shit. what i mean is that if i have to go with another woman to have a happy healthy family i will. i will not stay with her if it means that i have to go without children and put up with an over weight selfish woman who see's doing things for someone she apparently loves as a chore!

 

I really didnt want to comment on this, because it feels very private, but 3x1 all I wanted to say is that ok, yes, you are upset with Mara, but so is she with you and just like you she has her own reasons.
I dont think you can make anyone change, people change on their own and out of their own will and at their own pace.
I dont want to say anything more, because I feel uncomfortable and I dont think I'm in any position to do so. I dont know if it's such a good idea for you guys to be discussing these matters here, but I hope you can settle your differences.

 

sorry, double post

 

on our last lsd trip when you had the "dark part" i remember resenting that i couldn't enjoy my trip because i had to take care of your bad trip-i realized later i do that with our whole life. everything you said is right. i am a selfish bitch.


i am so afraid of ending up like my grandmother & mother that i have become both-the worste part of both.

i'm willing to die & come back someone completely different 3xi--because losing you would be like a terrible death for me. i used to say that i loved being alone-that's why i was single for so long--i loved the freedom and the lightness...but there isn't a lot of deep growth. when you have "that person" that "partner" to grow with...trip with....it makes life so much fuller.

i was raised by hard-nosed man hating feminists and my early experience with men confirmed every nasty thing i was warned about. being wary and pushing them away, demonizing them...its been burned into me. i'd like to see it burned/exorsized out of me--because this wall i have up is meant to keep me from getting hurt but all it does is get me hurt.

i want to be healthy because my outer temple represents what is within-i choose to be healthy an in tune with a higher vibration. you said a line earlier that really resonated with me about earning the cheese "i haven't smoked meth in 3 1/2 years does it mean i should go smoke some as a reward?" good point. i get it.

i'll see every house chore as a magic spell to greatness. i'll turn every mundane activity into a celebration. i truly want to drive the ego out and let love in.

when you posted on line at first-that post about your frustration with me, it humiliated me that you would dish out on me like that in public....now i understand why. i feel like i've been stripped naked in town square....i always imagined 'judgement day' would be like that--you'd stand in front of every other soul and all your sins would be exposed. i guess today is judgement day for me.

my failure: not learning love. i was never exposed to love (parentally) and therefore didn't know how to create in in my own life. sorry that that has become your problem.

if you choose to leave i won't stop you as much as it devestates me. and like you said i can't prove there has been a change in a day....i can only change and hope that you'll stick around long enough to notice.

i am happy to die to my self...to become a better woman, loving woman and giving...i am happy to be that woman.....for you as well as for me.

i love you-wether you stay or go i love you and thank you for this lesson. thank you for teaching me what i need to grow and not giving up until it sunk in. i'm sorry it had to get to the breaking point and i really really want this to be one of those blowups where your closer after than before. i don't want to lose you as my husband. i feel as though we are better people together than apart.

 

i hear ya,

i get upset because we are working on the same issue over and over and she doesn't seem to get it.

not that it really matters but when mara says that i am yelling it is a loud voice that for sure but i am not screaming mad with temper. i am just obviously upset and speaking in a loud voice. i understand the need to be in a better place when communicating but i am not so bad that you can't understand my point.

we have calmed down as we normally do. we are not yelling.

now i am upset with her for making it out to be different then it was and making me look bad. whatever, i feel like i have cleared things anyways. but i still can't understand what’s wrong with this woman.

 

i already told you that i wasn't leaving you at this point. i am warning you! i am very happy that you are getting the message. i pray this works. i love you. i am patient. 40 lbs is not a lot to loose and learning to love making your lover and partner happy in many ways will come easy if you let it. as far as learning to accept your lovers criticism without fight, well that one is easy to, but i have the feeling you are going to make it difficult. why don't you try thinking about what i say for a few minutes before you agree or disagree? your automatic reaction is always to defend. why don't you make your automatic reaction to give the idea some honest thought before you disregard the advice?

 

oh i know, she is free to change at her own pace if she wants to. but if her pace is too slow (in my opinion) she will be doing it alone or with someone else. and that is not only my right but at our age it is very understandable if i want to have healthy children!

thank you for you comment. we apreciate the advice. otherwise i am sure we would not be posting like this.

but we have gone way off topic in this thread at this point. although this is something that came out of a very powerful trip for the both of us we should get back to the point of this thread. if anyone has advice for us, we would love it, just do it in a pm, thank you.

 

i'm hoping this trip will be the strongest i've ever had even though not the heaviest dose. 3xi just left for work but before he did i put 2 tabs on my tongue in hopes that i'll transcend this bullshit. i have never EVER tripped without 3xi-never alone. i have always wanted to--i figured today was a good day for transformation. goodbye cruel woman!

 

I can feel the tribal drums thumping and ringing out over the skylines already!
Good luck mara -

 

i love you chobe for starting this thread...it seems like we went off topic but really we didn't....this whole thing started as a trip comparison report that uncovered a whole lotta buried shit that seemed unrelated-and awkward because its so personal. but holy shit, on these forums we admit to hearing voices and spill our gutts about a whole lotta other stuff...only natural that it would happen eventually with a couple on the scene....and the conversation has now come back to our favourite subject lsd!


i'm a little over an hour into my 2 hit wonder.
i smudged, prayed then took a bath. as i scrubbed the dreads i got all these flashbacks--get this...not my childood...every other past life!!! i saw me as a guy with dreads that brutalized women-i got a flashback of me in my deathbed-i was my biggest regret. then i saw myself as a woman with dreads, i was nursing a sick husband that brutalized me. then as i scrubbed all these other victims and villains were coming out of my hair...it was like as my dreads lock up, the karma of all those lives locks up and comes to the surface. i squeezed them the fuck out and all these victims and villains washed off me until there was nothing left but a chick in a tub.

my dreads are dripping...feels so good...every drop feels electric and clean.

i love you husband.

wife

i'm confused on one thing--i had a guide tell me once that i had no past life because i have never incarnated here--i'm from somewhere else entirely come here to work--all the human sensations of the trip are fun for the ride but i only came here to work. i was told that i borrowed past life memories just to be able to incarnate.

so wich is it?

 

Unless you are Christlike, I highly doubt you incarnated anywhere else, or at least not anywhere else much different from this plane mara.
Last pastlives trip I had I saw myself as a guy throwing dice in a casino with a bunch of girls around :tongue: I cant remember the rest of my soul montage but it was disturbing and beautiful at the same time

 

very cool then because here's the kicker--i'm white --well 3xi disagrees because i'm italian he says i'm not white...but in all these past life versions of myself i was black. i was black & praying to Jah. weird because it was my first acid tri that started me on growing dreads.

 

i must have been a rasta the last few goes around!

 

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