Texts from last night

you should. go do that.

 

whats chereas area code. I think I found his. (818): I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight

 

lol. i think that' pasadena.

 

(201): Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...(1-201): ok, come over...I have doritos

 

(970) So i was thinking about rubbing pork chops all over my dogs balls.

 

lil something for someone special.... (410): Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!!

 

FML always makes me laugh. I think I found something Fitzy posted: Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

 

hahahaha!

 

I thought you'd get a kick outta that one. lil pearls.

 

dogs balls...

 

yeah, that one was funny as shit i bet dies when i come upon that one. heehee

 

(256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
(1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
(256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
(1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.


AHAHAHA!!! This reminds me of the last texts and voice mail messages I got before my phone was cut off. I had a guy send me pictures of his ass...no joke. Then I had to listen to him screaming at me saying he wasn't a drag queen and "what up guy you asked for the pictures, why I ain't got no reply?"

Sadly I didn't get a response after texting him to inform him that I'm female, have no clue who he is, but that he does have a cute butt. haha

 

awesome

 

my wife////(910): He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj(910): I think that's fair trade off

 

ice cream....

 

blow job.....

 

Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.

 

i liked that one.

 

im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF

 

I loved that one, too