The Corny Joke Thread!

do you know what comes before part b?​

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PART-A get it partayyyy wooohooo!!​

 

Q. What do a tornado, hurricane, and a redneck divorce have in common?
A. Somebody's fixin' to lose a house trailer.
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lol, don't worry - its a reaaaaaally nerdy philosophy joke that my professor likes to tell. Basically, descartes was a philosopher whose catch phrase was "I think, therefore I am" - he thought that the only way that we can prove that we exist is because we have the capacity for thought. So, if he doesn't think - he disappears....ha di fuckin ha, right?

 

this is one of those jokes that are only funny if ur lit or drunk
a guy is waiting at a bus stop when he notices a man stood next to him with a really big green head.

after a while the man with the abnormal head says "i bet your wonderin why i have a big green head arent ya".

"well yeah i was" replied the man

"well one day i bumped into a genie who offered me 3 wishes." said the green headed man

"wat did you wish for?"

"well my first wish was to be rich and have loadsa money, my second was to be irristable to the ladies...."

"and wat was the 3rd??"

"erm to have a big green head obviously!"

god that was lame


peace
hendrix xXx

 

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little boy Blue
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson

Wow...don't under-estimate the power of corny jokes...

 

Whadya call a cow that just ate a pound of marijuana?
A pot roast!!

 

Their once was a native american who drank 6 gallons of tea befor going off to sleep


His friends found him the next morning drowned in his Tp (Tea Pee)



How are women like hurricans?
They are loud and wet when the come, and when they leave they take your house

 

Okay... I have a couple.


#1:
Three Irishmen walk out of a bar....

#2:
What kind of socks do pirates wear??

ARRRRRGh-ile!

#3:
A snail was crossing the road and got hit by a turtle. After the paramedics arrived and asked him what went down, he said, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

#4:
Sammy Hagar

 

Two muffins were sitting in an oven. The first muffin says to the other "It sure is hot in here," and the second muffin says "HOLY SHIT! IT'S A TALKING MUFFIN!"


Where's Dubya?
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Between Iraq and a hard place! *bad-ooch*

 

What do you call a light bulb in Buckingham Palace? A royal screw-up!

 

Two peanuts were walkin down the street... one was a salted

 

mm if I could show y'all a salt packet and a battery... assault and battery... hahahaha...

 

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Thoes are by FAR my favorite jokes, EVER!

 

this is a long one thats betta told in person


this guy walks in to a monestry and he hears this sound coming from behinde a door, and he decides he HAS to find out what it is, so he walks over to the woman at the desk and asks "whats that noise?"
she ses, " only monks are allowed to know" so he trainds for five years to become a monk, then he goes back to the monestry and goes up to the lady and ses "were can i find that noise?" she ses "follow that corridor all the way and then ull find it!" so he sets of up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and the sounds getting louder and hes getting all excited cos heres the moments hes been waiting for, he puts his hand on the the door knob and pushes, but its locked. so he goes up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and hes back at the reception and he goes, "THEY DOORS LOCKED!" and the lady behinde the desk goes "ah yea sorry," and hands him the keys. so he sets off again up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and then he gets to the dor and opens it the sound gets louder but theres just anoth corridor so he follows it, up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and finally he comes to another door and the noise is even louder! he puts his hand on the door knob buts its locked, so he goes all the way back up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and then he gets to the dor and opens it the sound gets louder but theres just anoth corridor so he follows it, up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and he goes to the woman "theres another BLODDY door!"
"ah yea soorry heres the key" so the guy sets off again up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and then he gets to the dor and opens it the sound gets louder but theres just anoth corridor so he follows it, up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor through the door up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and then he gets to the dor and opens it the sound gets louder but theres just anoth corridor so he follows it, up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and he gets to the next door, and unlocks it, the noise is EVEN LOUDER! And theres this rat on the floor, and another door, he walks over to the rat and it bites him and hes knocked unconcious, when he does wake up he finds that the keys are gone, so in a last bid of hope he goes over to the next door and tries to open in, it opens! and hes standing in a room full of RATS! and theres a door at the other end of the room and carefully he makes his way over to it, stepping over all the rats, when he gets to the door he opens it, but theres more corridors so he goes up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and then he gets to the dor and opens it the sound gets louder but theres just anoth corridor so he follows it, up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and then he gets to the dor and opens it the sound gets louder but theres just anoth corridor so he follows it, up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and then he gets to the dor and opens it the sound gets louder but theres just anoth corridor so he follows it, up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor up the corridor, along the corridor, corridor left corridor right up the corridor, down the corridor and FINALLY he gets to the door, and the noise is sooooo loud he can barely contain his excitment, he puts his hand on the door knob and he opens it and there in front of him he sees.................... Well i cant tell you cos you've got to be a monk!

Woah that took long to write and its the most annoying joke EVER! my m8 told it to me on a coach and i was soooooooo mad when she got to the end!

Sorry peace

 

Barry Manilow walks on stage at a concert...

 

A frog walks into a bank. He walks up to the teller, a woman named Patricai Wakk, and says, "Hello, my name is Kermit Jagger, and I would like to take out a loan." "Well," said the confused Miss Wakk," do you have any collateral?" "Yes." said Kermit, and he produced a small, pink elephant toy from his pocket, and gave it to the teller. Very flumoxed, Miss Wakk got up, and walked to her boss's office. She went in and said,"Boss, there is a frog named Kermit Jagger out there asking to withdraw some money...he gave me this as collateral." And she took out the pink elephant. "What should I do?" she said, to which her boss said, "It's a nick-nack Patti Wakk! Give the frog a loan! His old man's a Rolling Stone!!"

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!!!!

 

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. The judge says, "Let me get this straight, Mickey. You want to divorce Minnie because she's crazy?" and Mickey replies, "No your honor. I said I want to divorce her because she's fuckin' Goofy!"

 

AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

mmmm........now i really want peanuts!!!

 

god damn, really laughed out loud on that one. hahahaha