the crap joke thread

Holy shit!!!!! LMAO

 

this is soooooooooo win

 

grrr nice guitar joke callie

Q. How do you know when a bass player is at the door trying to get in?
A. He keeps fumbling around trying to find the right key.

Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Never mind. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand

Q. How do you keep a bass player in suspense?
A. ..................................



mwahahahahaha

 

Ohhhhhh shit!!!!!

Okay Big Boy

how many guitar players does it take to play a lead?
One to play it and 6 others to say how they could of played it better


if a guitar player and drummer jump off a building...who will hit the ground first????
Who cares!!!

 

Two elephants and a snake fell off a cliff

.....boom boom tsssssss


Q. How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. You don't know, you wern't their man!

Q. Whats brown and sticky?
A. A stick

Q. What do you call a pig with 3 eyes?
A. A piiig

 

that second one so should have had bass there instead of guitar!

 

lol I hope this is ok:

What do you call a black man flying plane?
A pilot, you fucking racist!

 

oh shit that made me laugh so hard i pissed all over myself and fell down a flight of stairs!

:cheers2:

 

Luckily my chains to the kitchen sink stopped me falling over

 

yeah I ran outta material ...guess I should of googled

 

Heres one i made up last year, and its always the only joke i can remember, i'm rather fond of it

Ray Charles walks into a bar.. and gets raped

 

hahahahahahahahahahaha! dunno why...that joke sucks...but i cracked up

 

what's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

a prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again

 

1. Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted. (a salted)


2. A termite walks into a bar room and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


3. "Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."


4. What's brown and sticky? A stick.


5. Why are proctologists so gloomy?
They always have the end in sight.


6. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
Roamin' Catholic.


7. What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.


8. What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him out for a drag.


9. Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors?
Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.


10. Famous last words of a mafia hitman: "Who put the violin in the violin case?"


11. How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?


12. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.


13. What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung. (i dont get it )


14. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.


15. What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit?
A bad hare day.


16. Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower?
That's because he hides well.


17. What was the centerpiece of the annual
Anorexia and Bulimnia sufferers convention?
A cake jumping out of a girl.


18. Where do kings keep their armies?
In their sleevies.


19. Why don't anteaters get sick?
Because they're full of anty-bodies.



yeah i cheated...hooray for google...some of these made me chuckle pretty good though

 

i cant breathe im laughing so hard. That is so random and horrible its hillarious!

 

owl those are cute

 

Why did the bunny cross the road?
Because he wanted to show his girlfriend he could hip hop.

Why do you go to bed?
Because the bed won't come to you

Q. How can you get AIDS from a toilet seat?
[SIZE=-1]A. By sitting down before the last guy gets up.[/SIZE]

What do a Divorce in Arkansas, and a Tornado have in common?
[SIZE=-1] Somebody's gonna lose a trailer[/SIZE]

 

and these are joke the better half tells me... He's a construction worker if that makes any sense to you.

Q: How do you make an orphans hands bleed?
[SIZE=-1] A: Tell her to clap hands until daddy comes home[/SIZE]

Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
[SIZE=-1] A: Put a nipple on it.[/SIZE]

Q; What's yellow and lives off dead beetles?
A: Yoko Ono

Q:What's black and blue and hates sex?
A: A rape victim

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've already told her twice

How do you get a jewish girls number?
-roll up her sleeve


alright... some of those are pretty sick... and offensive... you probably all think of me in a different light now.... sorry...

hee hee hee... but you can't help but chuckle no matter how horrified you are.

Did you hear they had to pull Steve Irwin's line of sun care products off the shelves? Apparently they don't protect you from harmful rays

 

WIN!

ya some of those jokes are pretty sick...not any worse than any dead baby jokes i've told though...

a joke is a joke...some of them may be in bad taste, but as long as you dont mean them to be offensive i see no problem with them