The It's just wrong joke thread

Paddy walks into a pub asks the bar-man for a pint and one for the guy with the black eye in the corner .the man in the corner says i dont have a black eye , Pddy says ya will if ya dont pay for this drink.............

 

what's the difference between a pizza and a jew?

the pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.

 

No one ever does limericks anymore:

The king named Oedipus Rex
Who started this fuss about sex
Put the world to great pains
About the spots and the stains
Which he made on his mother's pubex.

A young man with passions quite gingery
Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie
He slapped her behind
And made up his mind
To add incest to insult and injury

There was an old whore of Azores
Whose **** was all covered with sores
The dogs in the street
Wouldn't eat the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers

There was a young woman of Chester
Who said to the man who undressed her
I think you will find
That its better behind
The front is beginning to fester

There was a young girl of Kilkenny
On whose genital parts there were many
Venereal growths
The result of wild oats
Sown there by a fellow named Benny

There was a young lady at sea
Who said, "God how it hurts me to pee."
"I see," said the mate
"That accounts for the state
Of the captain, the purser, and me."

There once was a lady from Arden
Who sucked off a man in a garden
He said, "My dear Flo
Where does all that stuff go?"
And she said, "(swallow hard)---I beg pardon?"


Limericks are actually quite old----proof that your grandparents weren't as virtuous as they make airs to be. Coincidentally---I've found they go perfect to the tune of 'I'm Popeye the sailorman.'

 

Why is the part of a woman's body between her breasts and her hips called "the waist"?



Because there's plenty of room for another pair of breasts.

 

Some guy was visiting a town on a business trip when he gets horney.
He can't take it so he picks up a hooker.
Before he has sex, he decides he wants to eat her out.
But as soon as he sticks his tongue in he notices something doesn't taste right.
So her peers in her twat and see bits of carrots, pees, some meat.
"Good God, lady," he exclaims, "Are you sick?!"
"No, but the last guy was."

 

Here's mine:


Q: Why wasn't Adam a Nigerian?


A: Ever tried to take a rib away from a black man?


Bada-bing , bada-boom !

 

Oh fuck, I just tasted some of my frosted flakes...
uke:

 

lol

 

these are gold

three guys get sent to jail and can take one item with them each. as they are on there way the first guy asks the second, waht he got, he replies, paint, so i can create a beatuful place to stay in, and asks what teh first got. he said his taking a pack of cards to keep himslef entertained with games. they then ask the third guy what his taking, and he says his got a pack of tampons. why in the world do you have that the two men ask, and he replies, well it says here that with these u can go horse riding, roller blading swimming...

 

I may not remember this exactly---but you'll get the jist of the original joke which I heard a stand-up comedian do:

4 guys and a beautiful girl survive a shipwreck and wash up on a deserted island. In the shipwreck, and being tossed around in the waves, they lost all their clothes. Now, alone on the island with little hope of rescue, they find themselves gettting very horney. The next few weeks is filled with wild sex, between the 4 guys and the girl----until the girl becomes so ashamed of what she has been doing, she kills herself.

Another week goes by, and the guys are so ashamed of what hey have been doing, that they bury her!

Another week goes by, and the guys are so ashamed of what they have been doing that---they dig her back up again!

 

Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?!


What makes you think a chicken could get pass a basketball court?!

 

A little sick humor from Robert Crumb:

 

I just realized that you should NOT eat meat of any kind while reading this thread...lol

 

God don't damn me for these jokes... ok,, Why can't jesus drive a stick shift? Cuz he's got holes in his hands... Why can't he eat m & Ms ? Cuz he's got holes in his hands., the list goes on n on ,

 

ooooh yeah and the dead baby jokes,, anyone hear these,, how do you get a dead baby outta a blender? Tostitos

 

What do you call 200 Mexicans holding hands on the perimeter of your property?=spicket fence.

 

Three guys washed up on a deserted island after being thrown overboard in a bad storm. They were found shortly by the natives who happened to be cannibals. They offered the guys a chance to live and said "Go into the forest and pick 8 pieces of fruit then come back here" All three men went off. The first came back with 8 cherries. The cannibals told him that he had to shove all eight up his ass but he cannot make any facial expressions or noise. The guy gets up to 7th one and flinches at the 8th one. They kill him then take his body away. The second guy comes back with oranges and they tell him the same thing, he flinches on the second one and they kill him. In heaven, the second guy's laughing and the first guy asks him why he's laughing. "Because right before they killed me, I saw our friend come out of the forest with pineapples!"

 

Why don't black people go on cruises?

They're not falling for that one again

:cheers2:

eace: L_S

 

whats the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

you can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.


..first post

 

omg dead baby jokes are so sick but oddly funny

Q:What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A baby brushing its hair with a potato peeler