The It's just wrong joke thread

A ship carrying livestock sinks.
The skipper manages to swim to a deserted island with 1 dog & 1 goat.
A week later,the goat is looking attractive,he walks toward it.
'grrrr!" - the dog won't let him near the goat.
He tries without success to get near the goat for a week,but the dog snarls every time.
The skipper has a stiffy like a broom handle,but the goat is too well protected.

He's sitting on a the beach,despondent and horny,when he hears splashing.
Looking up,he sees a gorgeous near-naked woman struggling to make it to shore.
he rushes to her aid,drags her onto the beach,asks where she came from.
"I've been on a raft circling this island since the ship sank-thank God for surf!" she says,
"I owe you my life-I'll repay you by doing anything you ask"

"Oh,BRILLIANT! - Hold that fucking dog for ten minutes!"

 

What do women and clouds have in common?

When they're not around, it's a good day.

 

How do you know when your gay?

Your getting fucked in the ass and you can still pop a boner.

 

Global Facts re Sexual Statistics.


At this moment 84 million people are engaged in penetrative intercourse.

42 million people are either giving or receiving oral intercourse.

Approximately 100 million people are passionately kissing.








And 1 lonely muppet is sat reading this.

Hang in there sunbeam-where there's life there's hope!

 

what's brown and rhymes with snoop?




....dr. dre

 

what's the best thing about fucking a 5 year old girl?
You can turn her around and pretend she's a 5 year old boy!

what's the best thing about getting a hand job from a five year old?
she makes your dick look bigger!

why did the baby cross the road?
it was stapled to the chicken!

old man and little boy walks in woods. little boy says to old man "i don't want to go in, i'm scared!" old man says "what are you scared about, i have to walk out of the woods alone"

 

The g/f said to me today "How do you fancy going away for a while?"

"Oh,I'd love to babe"

"Good,coz the police are on the way-I found the video of you fucking the cat!"

 

Two guys at a University of Georgia football game. As they sit in the stands on guy noticed the bulldog mascot licking his balls. "Man, I wish I could do that" said the 1st guy.
His buddy looked at him and said "Are you crazy?? That dog would chew your head off!!

 

You know why camels are called the 'ships of the desert? They're full of arab semen!

 

What is the worst thing about eating vegatables?





When you are done you have to put them back in their wheel chairs.

 

I told her my dick is nick-named 'The computer'.
"Why-is it hard,with lots of ram?"
"No-it's full of viruses".

 

what do you call an Iraqi child running through the desert?













a moving target




.

 

how do you get your wife to shut up?












shoot her in the face.





.

 

The new volkswagon can hold up to 30 jews... in the ashtray.

Ok, wow, that was really inappropriate.

 

how do you stop a black person from drowning?

take your foot off his head!

 

I met a transexual with a lisp...I thought "I wonder-man or myth?"

 

"A mexican, a Jew and a colored guy walk into a bar. Bartender looks up at them and says "Get the fuck out of here".

 

A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on a beach, when a gorgeous blonde walks up and says ''Have you ever been hugged?''
No, he replies, and she gives him a big long hug and leaves.
A little later, hes sunbathing in the same spot when a stunning redhead comes up and asks him ''Have you ever been kissed?''
No, he replies, and she proceeds to give him a long, lingering kiss. Hes getting really turned on and excited, but she leaves.
Later still, an incredibly attractive brunette comes up to him and asks ''Have you ever been fucked?''
''No'' he replies, quivering with anticipation and drooling slightly at the thought.
''Well you are now'' says the brunette, ''The tides coming in''
And she leaves.

 

+..Love It...........:2thumbsup:



Cheers Glen.

 

I lost my job at the Samaritans helpine today

When a guy phoned saying he was at the train station feeling suicidal, apparently telling him to wait on the line wasn't good advice...