The Little Red Book

Wow! This I love a lot. The juxtaposition of "asunder" and "no wonder" was amazing. This one's got teeth!

 

Thanks. A nice bowl of milk for you.

Cool. I might take a while too as I'm up to my eyeballs at the moment. It will be fun if a couple of people post poems all on the same theme. Just to have a look and compare.

 

wow you are very talented,I must say. Great work! Also, I love your sig. Looks so amazing.

 

Cocktail Thoughts

One more shot!
That's all I want.
A second chance
To dream again.

One more shot!
That's all I need.
A tequila river,
To drown you in.

One last shot!
That's all - it takes
A final choice,
To reach the end.

__________________________________________________________

Random thoughts that just seemed to flow while I was extremely drunk last night. What do you guys think?

 

Ode to the Working Class

This morning my waitress looked in the mirror
and saw her mother there behind her tired eyes
and remembered how she loved horses as a girl
and dreamed of having one she called her own.
She calls her mom everyday.

Today my neighbor’s son, a soldier, home now
after one month of service in Iraq, his right foot
blown clear off thinks, he will never play soccer
again, except in dreams where he will be the star.
He still mows the lawn for me.

The old man bagging groceries at my corner store
will lift his old wife out of her wheelchair when he
gets home, and then, after changing her diaper and
cooking dinner, he will remember their first date.
He kisses his wife’s forehead every night.

Late tonight, a young woman who ran from home
a year ago, will strip down to nothing and smile to
make ends meet, baring her breasts to hungry men
as she wonders if her little sister back home is safe.
She prays about her often.

The sunburned young man holding up the sign on
the interstate saying slow down, caution, workers,
is daydreaming of his girlfriend who wears short
skirts, and who said I love you to him last Friday.
He takes her flowers every payday.

Not sure I really like this, but it's what I came up with in response to something more "hero" vs. whiner. I think the idea is good but it does need a lot more work - at least from my perspective. Oh well, no more time today - have to get some chores done! Vetty:sunny:

 

I like your poem Vetty. The idea is there but it's a lot less developed than most of your other work. Still, you seem to have encompassed the Hero in his/her many forms. This is my attempt. I wrote it last night. Still unpolished, just sort of flowed after spending the last few days mulling over the idea.



:worthy: A Real Hero

These calloused hands tell their own tale:
A life of hard work, my body for sale.

I built the towers for you big-shot bankers,
You heroes of commerce, you white-collared wankers.

I laid the pathes for your heroes of war
To march their armies and go down in 'lore.

I built the houses you heroes call homes,
I even caste those garden gnomes.

I'm the man that built them all.
The KL tower, the Chinese wall.

So when you stand there up on high,
A concrete shadow in the sky.

Remember my words
Before you condemn.
Real heroes build pedestals,
Not stand upon them.
__________________________________________________________

Don't be shy to leave a comment or especially a criticism.
Let me know what you think, please.

 

I always find thunderstorms an inspration and last night I was blessed with an apocolyptic one. Absolutely awe-inspiring.

:H Birthday Thoughts

At midnight on the eve of my birth
I got a surprise from Mother Earth
With violet skies and blinding light
Thunderous cheers of heaven's delight
She blasted away my failure and sin.
with trembling heart, I shed my skin.

I stood naked and careless, a baby again,
My soul soaring and fearless, a bird amongst men.

Like a bolt from the blue
My thoughts turned to you.
My wings had been clipped
And falling, I knew.

These powerful rains that so filled the night
Were torrents of torment, tears at my plight.
They mourned the man that I used to be,
Who died on the day that you walked out on me.
________________________________________________________________


Need I say it once more... All comment and criticisms are more than welcome.
Thanks for reading.
Peace.

 

^^

 

WOW! Birthday Thoughts was REALLY amazing. great work

 

Thanks. A nice bowl of milk for you too.

 

Aidan, wow, Birthday Thoughts was an amazing poem. I love that poem. You are right about the working class poem attempt, most of the work I've been posting here has seen an average of ten revisions and effort x10 poured in. I put that poem in with my body of work for tweaking down the road. Will see, sometimes things sit in there and I just never get to them but other times I might be reading some other poem written by someone else and it may remind me of something I wrote and I will go back and pull it out and work on it again, and again. The inspiration has to strike. I much preferred your "A Real Hero" to the whiner poem. Much better idea and I like the direction you took on that one. Take care, I worked on a Villanelle form for the first time. May post here... will see, was going to work on it a bit more tonight but it's getting late. Will go read some of the other posts. I miss a couple of days and lots of new stuff! Take care, Vetty

 

wow, your poems are amazing. i enjoyed every single one. i hope to read lots more of your work. X

 

i love your work. i thought that suicide note was perfect.

 

Thank you all. She88 and little ski, welcome to the forum. I'm pretty new myself and I hope you enjoy this place as much as I do.

Peace,
A.

 

this is so personal, is almost like reading a story.
I can really feel the despair... and its just amazing how you wrote it

 

I love this whole poem, but specially when you say that.. its crushing.

 

uff...just amazing, the more poems I read the more I liked them

 

WoW

 

Thanks Authentique for your kind words. I'm glad that you enjoyed these poems. I'm especially happy you liked The Sin of Apathy. It's my baby. I've had it with me since I was 17, The first poem I ever wrote. It's not perfect but I will never change it.

Everything else here has been written since I joined these forums a couple of months ago. Signing up and reading others work has been an inspiration and increased my motivation to start writing again.

To all of you forum members,
Thanks for the help and inspiration,
Peace,
A.

 

This is a bit of a change for me. Most of my writing is pretty straight-forward and self-explanatory. I've purposely tried to write a more complex poem, inspired by the likes of Vetty214 and KittenX(who for all newcomers and interested parties has an amazing thread called Kitten's Litter with a huge array of poems and styles which has been running for three years. Check it out!).


I'm not sure of my effort, so I would love to hear from you all with any comments or suggestions for improvement. Let me know what you think. Even if you hate it. I can take it.

:dupe: The Original Protection Racket

Hanging clouds of incense
Reek of guilt.
Morn's golden rays of innocence,
Long since smothered.

That old Italian blanket
Suffocates the afternoon
Under promises of protection
From a flame-filled fate.

For a weekly ransom
Of copper-minted wishes
That fill the Roman dishes

It unveils a silver staircase
Through the choking clouds of eve.
Those golden rays, at sunset,
Visible once more.
______________________________________

What do you think it's about, if anything? Does it say anything to you?
I don't know really. But I am, as always, eager to hear from anyone who wants to comment or criticise.

Peace,
A.