The longer i live the worse it gets

Good one. There is a definite need for more people such as yourself in our society. Sometimes, I feel so many people have given up.

 

Thanks luvnsurf. The actual fact is that I give up almost daily. Lots of mornings I sit in bed sipping my coffee and looking for the courage to get up and face another day. Sometimes I give up two or three times while waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Thank God for drugs... But it's all part of the process of spiritual growth. We need challenges to grow. If it were easy, everybody would be doing it!

 

I usually like to read every post on a thread before I post, but this one is really fucking long, and I'm too lazy

a forum like www.suicideforum.com might be a good place to talk about these issues. here can be ok too, but I think that any wise-ass shit or "getta grip dude" type shit doesn't go over there

folks often criticize people for where they are at without knowing what it's like to be in their shoes. if what you were born with and what happened to you was the same as someone else, you'd probably end up in about the same place

so it sounds like you have depression. there are lots of things that you can do to try to treat depression. there are both conventional treatments like therapy and medications, and a range of alternative therapies. I could suggest more if you want to ask.

anyone who is right on the verge of a suicide attempt should probably go with the meds, at least in the short term, and maybe even go into the hospital

there is a link to suicide hotlines on the sticky thread at the top of the all in the family forum

life is full of both beauty and horror. I'm sorry that you have gone through so much pain. I think that there is a way that you can make your life better though, and I think that you have taken a good first step by reaching out to folks here

 

Surfing has subdued my reaper. He gets his fix of near death situations that remind me why I am here by constantly trying to ride bigger, heavier, more dangerous waves. When I don't get to surf for a long time the reaper gets restless... It's my drug. I stopped using all other drugs, but surfing is my addiction, and it will never go away.

Find something that you can do that push you, give you something to live for, give you something you can progress at. Get something you can do that will give you a rush of adrenalin, like skydiving, cycling, mountain climbing, surfing, skateboarding, or something of the like.
I have learned more about myself in the times I took on the ocean at it's most dynamic moments, than any other times. Often a split second can make all the difference, like making a massive drop that I thought was going to kill me, riding a barrel, or getting humbled by the insane power of the ocean. Nature does it for me, and I like pushing myself, so surfing truly works for me. Something else might show you more.

You will never truly get it all figured out, since "it" changes. "It" is not a constant. But you can learn to adjust to it. You can learn to live as part of "it", instead of living under "it".
That is if we are thinking of the same big question. "What is this thing we call life?"