The magic mushroom universe game

But yeah, nobody needs telling, cos that's essentially preaching. Most people don't appreciate it, cos as on #9 of Nox's post, these things are completely ineffable. You stand more chance of getting locked up than helping anyone, unfortunately [/QUOTE]



Of course definalely innefable, can't argue with that, its beyond discription.
but does that stop us from trying to explain. NO

when does helping become preaching and preaching become helping. I dont know.

should I try not explain the innefable.
should I try not to help.
should I go to my grave and die and not utter a word.


should we all share our perseptions, our stories, our beliefs to make a better world.
Yes I believe so
what would you do if it my experience was your experience.

did I say my version was defintive. No, I'm back to being a cloudy vessel, so its only an interpretation.
if we all gain enlightenment then we can, I suppose, reach a common opinion. now that I'd like.
I've tried to say what I saw/experienced with honesty and truthfullness.
It was over twenty years ago, is that long enough to dwell on an experience.
If it sounds preachy, I'm sorry (I dont like preachy myself) Its only what I pecieve to be true.
Its my story.
I believe sharing is good.
If theres a slim chance my story might help someone thats about to give up on life, isnt it worth trying.
once again what would you have done if you were me.
share or not share
act or not act.
I made the only logical choice that I could.


All that said what Ive written is pretty shit and incomprhensible so back to the drawing board for me.


Anyways, thanks for your time dude, sorry if Im ramblin, I think Im done here.

the universe is love (cliche but true).

 

well it looks like Ive said all I needed to say.
but if anybody has any other feed back to help me along, or needs anything that I've said explaining, then I'll keep looking in on here.


thanks for letting me ramble

 

I wonder?
Would it help any?
To call Nirvana, heaven?

Would it make more sense, if I said this was all about how to enter "Heaven".

More precisely how to enter Heaven while still living (not in some death, final judgement, St peter welcome to the pearly gates, reward fulfilling, judgemented, other world scenario)

But a heaven without a god or anything that lives inside.

It is pure beyond pure.

Existing forever in a state of absolute emptiness spreading the entire volume of the entire limitless, infinite universe.

So this is all about entering "this" heaven.

Experiencing that Heaven isn't some kind of afterlife experience.
The only chance we/you have of entering and seeing inside heaven is in your present life.

This enlightenment experience can be gained by using magic mushrooms or by dedicated practice as said by Sidhartha guatama and his followers.

Heaven is right infront of you now, is what everything is made from.
Everything flows from this purity.
It is what you are.
It is what everything permeates from.
It is behind and inside.
It is ultimate love.
It is there to be seen in the experience of enlightenment.
You are "it" and experience "it" by merging.

 

Er.
just a question.
How can I edit my old posts.
how do I find the edit function.
I canny find it.
Ta.

 

It pops and makes a little disappearing noise after 3 days(?), or something like that.

 

Suggestion: Read the Enneads of Plotinus.

 

Suggestion..... Seek therapy

 

What me Sir, Mad as a box of jumpiing frogs on acid Sir !!!!!!?????!!!!!!?????

Think, Think,Think......................

 

Walking.

Always walking,

Walking in the rain,

Walking barefoot on the grass,

Listen, hear it fizzle through.


Sitting.

Always sitting,

Sitting on the grass,

Sitting with love dark eyes,

Legs binding with loves embrace,

Legs disappeared.

 

I admit, does sound a little far fetched.



But.



A challenge to you?

Gain Enlightenment and then tell me I'm wrong.

You'll never know what I say is true or not until you do.

You'll find I'm not so far from describing whats going on.







excuse me for a while, the men with butterfly nets are just a chasin me,
goin on me jollies, back to that nice hotel they said I could stay in.

Yee hee hee, Yah hooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

Just to be clear to any transvestite readers of these threads.
Being a transvestite is a vehicle and a way of gaining enlightenment.
It is a primer in the pre-requisites required for gaining enlightenment.
It is the universe bringing us to a state of acceptance of mind that unlocks the door to heaven.
It is what brings us to a state of mind ready to merge.
It is an evolutionary point in time.
It is you as the universe at the dawn of the age of enlightenment.
It is evolution come full circle from that initial moment when the universe made love with itself to bring life into being (at the beginning of this life cycle).
bringing us to a point where we can look inside the universe and see it as I, as we, as us, as one.
Seeing our nature in its true pure state as eternal everlasting pureness.

Being a transvestite makes it easier to merge because the constant battle that exists of being both male and female is part of the process that leads to enlightenment.
The need to unify both sexualities in the same body is a spiritual evolutionary endgame, and is achieved in the process of gaining enlightenment.
Being a transvestite is ultimately one of accepting being both male and female (which is what the universe ultimately is).
To take things to the next level is a spiritual leap.
Evolutionary speaking being a transvestite is being near the top of a mountain almost able to see the peak (the peak being enlightenment).
Because love is the heart of nirvana (absolute purity), the female characteristics of gentleness, softness, tenderness, lightness of being e.t.c. are what brings us close to Nirvana.
Knowing the magic of the transformation is a key to unlocking the barrier between mind and nirvana.
There is an implicit reason behind the continuous compulsion to crossdress.
Behind the continuous building of the female in a transvestite.
A reason for the dual sexual explosion that occurs within the being of a transvestite between the two sexualities.
It is the purpose of absolute femininity in a transvestite which enables one to enter, to join and become enlightenment/nirvana.
It is the culmination of the feminine journey in a transvestite.
It is the reason for feminine qualities.
It gives the ability of being able to break down the barrier between body/mind and perceived world.
Mushrooms will heighten these female qualities, softening the mind, making the mind tranquil, so that mind can meet universal mind.
Lightness in touch and softness in character dissolve the barrier between body/mind and nature/universal mind.
A specific sensitivity to touch.
The barrier of skin becomes permeable and breaks the illusion of body being separate from world/nature/universe, to the point of realisation that all the material universe is mind.
A certain transparency occurs.
To join the mind/body and mind/universe in a state of merging of love (because that is what ultimate pureness is).
To travel into the well of times depths till reaching nirvana.
The skin that is the barrier between the two fades into the same substance/non substance that all is made from.
It is mind merging with eternal mind, to its final stage of love merging with love.
It is returning to home, it is returning to where all originates from.
But remember, this is done by bringing mind to a perfection of stillness and clarity.

Enlightenment happens when mind and nature become love, become one, and this is an act of perfection of mind, perfection of the mirror.

The final stages of gaining enlightenment are female in nature.
It is giving yourself over to love.
It is giving yourself to Nirvana, in the same way a female has to give herself over to love when accepting love in lovemaking.
To let in.
Release ones mind to.
To give yourself over to the universe.
This accepting is what helps a transvestite to take the enormous leap in faith of being able to dip your toes into the love substance (nirvana, non substance; because its purer than pure).
It is a very similar process, to what the mind does when giving in to sleep, the same kind of letting go, but with complete consciousness and control.
It is a question of bringing your mind to this state of letting go. (Buddhism: blowing out the candle).

Accepting nirvana means letting it creep up your body.
Like creeping vines of love, binding your legs with love.
Your legs are the first thing to disappear until you release all the way into nirvana.
Giving yourself over to the universe/nirvana you join with and become ONE with the absolute purity, the limitless love that is nirvana.
The material world/universe is transcended, it is pureness meeting pureness.

Accepting nirvana is like opening a bottle full of pure oxygen into a room full of pure oxygen, what's inside the bottle will quickly merge with the oxygen particles in the rest of the room.
So, accepting nirvana is your own spiritual pureness mixing with the pureness that lies behind everything in the material universe.

Nirvana is pure pureness,
pure love,
absolute emptiness,
entirely limitless vast eternity,
without borders,
void,
nothingness,
without light or shade,
it is no time,
time does not dwell there,
time has no existence there,
pureness has no inherent existence,
it is beyond beyond pureness,
there is no mind or spirit that dwells there,
it exists without existing,
it is immaculate without being immaculate,
it is, yet its not,
there is no god particle or particle of any nature.
Because everything in the material/spiritual/mind universe is a constant part flowing from nirvana, we are always a part of it and have the ability to merge with "it".
Even when not experiencing nirvana, we are nirvana, we just don't know it.
Because we are the universe we can get "in".
Body, mind and material universe will have been transcended.

The Indian religious yogins of old, described this way of gaining union/enlightenment as the goddess Radha making love to Krishna (the dark Lord).
This dark force that binds and creeps up your legs in the initial moments of joining nirvana. this dark force (non force), is the ultimate pureness/love of Nirvana.
I can see why people would interperate this experience as god making love to goddess (Krishna experience) but personally I didn't see/feel any kind of god .
I only saw the male and female (that are inside us all) merging with the pureness of the universe.
I only saw a continuous cycle of becoming.
Personally, to me, in my opinion, god is a figment of the imagination.
I saw no trace of any kind of god with any intelligence/thought/ omnipotence/omniprecence, or any other Omni of whatever kind.
There is nothing beyond nirvana for/where any kind of god could be or hide, and I saw nothing in the wave of time that suggests anything other than this.
All realms in the nirvana/enlightenment experience are experienced.
There is nothing else but "this".
But hey if you gain enlightenment like those Indian yogins and you interpret it as Krishna(god) and radha, (or whatever you want to interpret it as, then it doesn't matter.
The important thing is, is to have the experience of nirvana, and if you do gain nirvana, you'll only extol its love.

Either way, it is an eternal game.
It's played at the final stages before enlightenment.
one as an endgame of evolution.
An endgame at the centre of the time/nirvana convergence.
One which reveals itself when you have reached a level of love,
a level of purity,
a level of perfection in polishing the mind/mirror,
a level of seeing mind/reflection with the utmost clarity,
a level of holding complete stillness.
a level of complete gentleness, calmness, tranquillity and love.
For a transvestite a level of complete femininity, of complete acceptance and willingness to merge your spiritual mind/body with nirvana.

At the risk of being repetitious myself, (in my opinion) I'll say it again.

"IT" and "THIS" and "ALL" is an eternal endgame and as new life forms in an endless amount of eternal new life cycles, we play it for ever.

 

The final act of gaining Enlightenment is pollishing the mind mirror.
Whichever Enlightenment approach you follow, the basic meditation practice is always the final part of gaining access to Nirvana.
You can read countless amounts of meditation advice better than this, but this is what works for me.
I try to sit in as comfortable and upright position as possible looking at an object just under a metre away.
Breathing in a regular and smooth pattern, slowed down slightly with more emphasis on holding the "in" breath.
Bring about stillness by being as delicate with the "in" and "out" breath's as possible.
Bring about a gentle hold.
Watch the object of vision.
Watch breath "in" and "out".
Always concentrate on just watching the object.
Try to "just be".
Let go of thoughts and images created/produced by the mind's eye.
Thoughts obscure the ability to see the brilliance of the mirror.
Let it shine on it's own.
Try to just let the immediate object reflect.
Try to perfect your vision and clarity of mind.
Always return concentration to just watching what you see in front of you with clarity.
It is a diamond like state of vision and purity to be achieved.
All images produced by the minds imagination, should gently be let go of, returning concentration to the immediate object of vision.
Focusing, re-focusing.
The perceived world universe is a reflection in the mind.
It is a construct and a shadow of the minds mirror.
Obviously, all the world and self (beings, world, universe) exists aside from the individuals perception, but as far as a being is concerned is a construct and projection of your own senses and is perceived by mind/senses in the mirror (in your mind).
You are a reflection inside your own mind and when mind/mirror is perceived /understood/realised as weightless and ethereal in the higher stages of meditation, then this is the point at which merging/enlightenment/joining with Nirvana becomes an obvious possibility.
To use magic mushrooms to their full effect and gain the higher stages of spiritual conciousness requires the ability to let go of thoughts of mind and concentrate on cleaning the mind/mirror.
At the point of realising that all is mind, the concept of the individual evolves into a concept of being everything you see, hear, touch, smell.
A connection between you and the images of sense data begins to take place.
It is the beginning of realisation of you being the universe.
It is a feeling of "oneness", of being "this".
The realisation of merging should be apparent.
Once you see the world as a projection of mind, that all senses are a projection of mind, it just becomes obvious what to do. (its like an inbuilt feature of the universe).
Keep purifying.
It's ridiculously easy once your close.
The end of the process of evolution/enlightenment are almost within reach.
Perception of weight/mass/volume of body, is a mental deception, it is a chimera, a trick, a slight of hand played by the evolution of mind and body.
When the realisation that all is mind is reached and that, "YOU ARE, THE ETERNAL GAME", then a shock to the system is felt. You may panic here, (it's the ding dong moment of realising where and what you are), ((THE, "OH NO, NOT THIS AGAIN," MOMENT)),
It's only natural to panik, take stock and remember calmness and clarity, have faith that all is love.
When the mind is ready and held correctly, it will slowly begin to turn into pure love.
Reintegrating into love.
Reintegrating into Nirvana.
The still and concentrated mind becomes it's natural state.
You eventually do nothing, you just become love.
Once the mind/mirror sees itself, begins to see that it is made of love, it will reintegrate and become the universe/Nirvana, total unending pureness, once again (just like it always does throughout eternity).
So,
Hold stillness, .
Hold breath in a comfortable manner.
Focus, re-focus.
Hold watching.
Hold until light and shade become one.
When light an shade become one, then this is the start of seeing your original nature (nirvana) that which is pure pureness, that which lies beyond the beyond.
"Just Be".
Watch clearness.
Hold without holding.
Clear without clearing.
It is not lethargy or relaxation, don't try to let go in a relaxed lethargic manner.
Don't try to merge.
Don't try to force watching.
It is concentration on, perfection and clarity of mind/mirror.
It is subtle and gentle.
It is perfection of stillness, of calmness and tranquillity.
It is perfection of holding the mirror/mind.
If you want Nirvana you won't get "it".
It wont be forced or cajoled.
It isn't reasoned with, it simply "is"("is not").
Entry is an anti logic, it is between and outside logic.
Entry depends on what you'd think it doesn't depend.
It is simpler than simple.
The simplicity of love is it's final defence.
Be patient.
It is turning into pureness.
Hold what you sense with gentleness.
Being pure love opens/dissolves the door of perception.

 

If it's to be named it's called Nirvana or enlightenment, but pureness, nothingness, really can't be named.
It can be gained using magic mushrooms or by dedicated meditation practice.
With mushrooms it's called The Magic Mushroom Universe Trip.
It's like climbing a very steap mountain very fast.
It can be scary as hell because you'll have to confront yourself and the possibilities that exist for the self in the universe, confronting the possibility of evil that lies in every individual, (am I good? can I turn away from evil?)

The goal and the achievement are still the same if you gain Enlightenment with mushrooms.
With the Magic Mushroom Universe Trip, you come down the mountain pretty quick and the experience stays with you like an echo.
I guess, if you gain Enlightenment without magic mushrooms and just dedicated practice, then the mountain is a long steady climb and when Enlightenment is reached then it stays with you a lot stronger and longer, a plateau like state will be reached, somewhere halfway down the mountain (I Guess).
It would be the Enlightenment to have, but, well, I'd say it's nearly impossible to do. (I don't believe Siddhartha Buddha did it without mushrooms).
If you need to find an answer to life before you take your own life, (or before you die of old age using the long route) then the fast route is for you.
The quick route can still take years and I'm not saying you'll achieve "IT", but mushrooms will help break down the barrier.

I know my words are boring and dull, but look what I'm trying to say and not the way it's said.
The Indian Yogins who used Magic Mushrooms described the feminine entry method as like being made love to by a "Billion Bull Elephant's." But from any perspective of gaining Enlightenment, I'd say its like being able to see the light of a billion sun's, but that would be a gross understatement, because it's a Billion, Billion, Billion ad infinitum sun's, (you get the picture). And you'd be the light, which isn't light, it would be pure infinity, and when you're pure infinity, there would be no you, you'd just be what has always been, and that's ABSOLUTE PURITY.

But it's unexplainable and likewise unimaginable.
If you are suicidal, it's one reason not to kill yourself.
Ok, Yeah, I believe the purpose of life is to gain Enlightenment and I know from my own life, that life can be a fuck up, but knowing that there is a most beautiful goal at the end of the road, is better than a miserable death.
The experience of Enlightenment is "you being the universe," it's yours to be gained.
There is no possible reason in taking your own life (it's contrary to what the Universe exists for, Nirvana is the true purpose behind evolution and is an experience that "is" possible.
With Magic Mushrooms a scary road "Yes", You'll need to hold you're nerve, but it is possible and you can do "IT", (look I'm an simpleton and I did it). Oh and it's more than worth it by the light of a Billion pure sun's.

Even if the whole gaining Enlightenment thing sounds completely stupid and wacko to you.
If you're are at the point when you're going to do something stupid, stop for a minute and look at what I'm saying as a final thing to try, if your at the very last end, of every bit of hope you've ever had, then look upon it as one final alternative, one final option, what the "bleep" have you got to lose.
Just take a very small amount, that should be all you need, it might be enough to help you through the day, cling to every last bit of hope you've got.
If you're transgendered, then you have to let the feminine force envelope you, it's what's meant to be, it's what's going to save you.
Let the Mushrooms work their magic.
The Mushrooms will help to show you the way.
Like I've said don't try and force finding love, let it come to you.
It really is about being patient and calm.
Mushrooms will help to show the love that lies inside/behind everything.
It won't happen all at once, but little by little, if you'll learn to let the love inside.
It's all about letting the love into you're mind and body.
The black love is like a force that's not a force.
It comes from outside and within.
It comes from what your made of, and what you ultimately are.
So it's all about learing to let this love in.
Don't take too many, there's no need, you need to experiment with what works for you.
A mild dose might be all you need to work with, for starters it might help you see how stupid suicide is.
If that's all you need to live then that's O.K.
You might not need to go in, (as in a full trip experience, time distortion e.t.c.) as it were (build up to that experience), if that's what you need to do.
Like what is said on this site, it's best to have a trip buddy, (someone who can calm you if you start to panick about what's happening in a trip) and use them somewhere nice and peaceful and where you'd feel safe.
Take too many and you'll end up on a bad trip, Quite literally in the hell of you're own mind and you don't want to be there, (I've seen the Dragon once, and believe me, I never want to see it again).
It's all about survival and a shear bloody mindedness to live, and knowing there's a purpose, knowing that letting love in is the true goal.
See another day, see another week, make the trip experience last as long as you can.
Don't over use.
Magic Mushrooms are strong and powerful, their purpose is to help us into the spiritual realm, don't let them lead to any other form of addiction, work around what you'll learn from the trip, mainly accepting love, and accepting yourself, keep building on that acceptance of love, try to let that essence/non essence (purity) in .
You won't see the "black love" without a lot of experience, and a big will and a lot of work to let it in, but a small dose should still give a feeling of something that's there that is Love.
They're a gift to be used wisely, treat them with respect, lest they bite.

Above all take it easy on yourself and learn to live another day.

 

Or if you believe in God/Krishna

Hope it's alright to qoute from a poem.

From the Gita Govinda of Jayadeva, (Love song of the Dark Lord) ((he a poet from old time India))



Jayadeva's singing devalues necklaces:
It solves the paradox of beuty.
May it always adorn the throats
Of men who devote their hearts to Hari.

"paint a leaf on my breasts!
Put colour on my cheeks!
Lay a girdle on my hips!
Twine my heavy briad with flowers!
Fix rows of bangles on my hands
and jeweled anklets on, my feet!"
Her yellow-robed lover
Did what Radha said.

Her body bristling with longing.
Her breath sucking in words of confusion,
Her voice cracking in cold fear---
Obsessed by intense thoughts of passion,
Radha sinks in a sea of erotic mood,
Clinging to you in her meditation, cheat!

She ornements her limbs
When a feather quivers or a leaf falls.
Suspecting your coming,
She spreads out the bed
And waits in long meditation.

"She will look at me, tell me a tale of love,
feel pleasure in every limb from my embraces,
Delight in meeting me, friend," he say's anxiously.
Your lover looks for you, trembles, bristles,
Rejoices, sweats, advances, falls faint
In the thicket buried in darkness.

Night is putting black kohl on their eyes,
Tamala flower clusters in their ears,
Dark lotus wreaths on their heads,
Leaf designs of musk on their breasts,
In every thicket, freind,
The nights dark cherished cloak
embraces limbs of beutiful adulteresses
Whose hearts rush to meet their lovers.

Revel in wild luxury on the sweet thicket floor!
Your laughing face begs ardently for his love.

Revel in a thicket bed of red petels plucked as offeringings!
Strings of pearls are quivering on your rounded breasts.

Revel in a bright retreat heaped with flowers!
Your tender body is flowering.

Revel in the fragrant chill of gusting sandal forest wind's!
Your sensual singing captures the mood.

Revel where swarming bees drunk on honey buzz soft tones!
Your emotion is rich in the mood for love.

Revel in tangles of new shoots growing on creeping vines!
Your voluptuous hips have languished too long.


Bearing you in his mind so long
Has wearied him, inflamed him with love.
He longs to drink your sweet berry lip's nectar.
Ornament his body with yours now!
He worships your lotus feet--a slave bought
With Sri's flasing glance.

WHY ARE YOU AFRAID????????????????????????????????????

Her eyes transgressed their bounds-
Straining to reach beyond her ears,
They fell on him with trembling pupils.
Displaing her passion
In love play as the battle began,
She launched a bold offensive
Above him
And triumphed over her lover.
Her hips were still,
Her vine like arm was slack,
Her chest was heaving,
Her eyes were closed..
Why does a mood of manly force
Succeed for women in love????????








Er, deeply allagorical, on the spirtual level.
Like when Jayadeva describes "Her Yellow-robed lover," that would be the Sun, but more specifically the light that bathes us and lights us, equated here as male.

Erm, goes without saying it's describing the Eternal Game of unification that occurs in a sentient being, on a spiritual level, in the higher level trip (when you've figured out how to let dark love in).
Culmanation of a trip before enlightenment experience.
What you will probably experience if your a transvestite to enter Nirvana, (kind of), in a trip.

But yeh, if you believe in God It's like a sexual/spiritual union.

Your free to interpret the experience for yourselves.

Hope these qoutes help, they might give you a clue as to what to do, at the higher levels.

 

Thats way too much for me to read.. but.. are you really a transvestite? LOL post pics!

 

Are you sure about that? really??

so you consider yourself woman? or a gay dude dressed as a women?

 

Wow. You are so extremely rude and ignorant. Your condescending attitude towards this is extremely unbecoming.

 

sorry mom. I was just curious.

 

That's alright Gendorf, no offence taken, you sound like a really good, happy go lucky kind of guy, wish I was like you. I'm kind of envious.
It's only been me talkin me own shabozel about how to gain Nirvana and boring shallobawhoo about experiencing the pureness of the universe and nonsense like that.
If I'm honest, I read it myself and go, yawnnnn, boring O'clock. I'm quite surprized anyone reads past the first line.
But Hey, here's to trying; so if you want to know more huffity wuffity, here's some more boring shebang shajizzell about being the wave and the waterfall of time, what kind of cascades, like love, from the heart of Nirvana. (am I sellin it)?

It's also about being a flower,
I love being a flower.
Flower power.
Power to us flowers.
Go flowers.

My female is a layer of petals, delicate soft and gentle.
a layer of chiffon and silk seperates me from Heaven,
the black bees of love hum about mine ears and dance before my eyes,
I'm filled with the female necture of love,
waiting to open to the deep, dark, blackness before the purity of Nirvana.

"ah," (deep sigh), a small walk down memory lane there.


But there is a serious side here; in the U.S alone in 2010, 38,000 people took there own lives, amongst the under 35s it was the third biggest cause of death. Now, this approach is more about connecting with the inner "goddess" (the hidden female force of nature) and would probably only give someone with a similar understanding of the power of the female, and some understanding of mushrooms, any clues as to what to do, (at the higher spiritual states of consciousness.) What percentage is that? I have no idea. So will it help anyone? One in a million? Would that small percentage read this? well I doubt it. but maybe there's a very slim chance, you never know, someone in need might find it buried back on page 100 and it might come in use., I won't feel quite such a Sven Hassel Scmuck then; it worked for me, and there's stuff about clening the mirror, so it might work in a different way for someone else, (people need to figure out their own path's.) So I have to try as best I can and relate my story as best I can and explain what I think I know. I think I've tried my best.

Anyway, if I havn't lost you yet Gendorf? (are you still there Gendorf, Gendorf come back, GENDORF,) I thought I'd covered this, but just for you, I have a picture for you. Yes, I am one smoking hot TRANSVESTITE,
Do I fancy men? well some are attractive and I do like to receive.
Do I fancy women? Well hell yeh, and I like to give.
Am I overcome with the unstoppable force of femininity, that turns me into someone who finds their own reflection, irrassistably sexually attractive? well sure thing.
Was that one of the things that made me suicidal? Yep.
If you look me in the face do I wear an expression of someone who's known pain?
Can you tell from the half smile at the corner of my lips, that at some point in time, I experienced the wonderous beauty of Nirvana?
Or if you look deeper is there a sadness that weighs the heart, knowing that I'm every evil that's ever been. Knowing I'm every victim there's ever been. If you looked at me could you tell, there's a man who knows he's every holocaust victim, or the man who know's he's the one who put the poison in the showers.
Is the sadness there because bad still exists in the heart of man?
If you looked me in the eye, what would you see?
Would you see a simple love and a hope in those eyes, because they know that what's hidden within and behind everything will conquere all, and that life could turn into a party of love.
Well the people I meet don't see that, people look at me with my boring mundanity, my drab pauper like male dress sense, my awkward attempts at conversation. I'm just boring, ordinary me, in an ordinary world and people don't look at me twice.
But today I'm resplendent in my sensuous female attire. It's a turqouise halter neck dress, in it's lightness, as it rests on me, I can hardly feel it, as swishes gently on my knees, lingerie heightens my female mood, black sheer stockings electrifying my smooth epilated legs, I've got some eye make up on, my hairs adorned with flowers, and cascades softly down the bare of my back, large loop earings dangle from my ears, I look O.K (for my age). Today I have enormous black lotus petal eyes, I feel the surges of love pulsing through me. The female force has conquered me yet again. I'm connecting with the deep dark love. I'm half in. I've dipped my toe's. My ecstatic mood of love is bursting to explode. I could go all the way. But I hold off. I want to do it without mushrooms. That'a my challenge to myself, But, I know the magic way is there if needed. But, know I'm looking at you. Because all this time we've been talking, I've been doing something, and I look at the end of my outstretched arm, (30 degrees of bend at elbow) and I'm watching. I'm watching as I roll a magic mushroom by it's stem, between thumbtip and fingertip, and then I look at you, and back at the mushroom, then back at you; and I wink.

Welcome back to the game Mr Gendorf.


The universe just recreates itself for eternity.
continually reforming, continually rebeing, continually destroying.
It is a circle of life.
Creating itself in an endless process.
It is an endless circle of life, viewed through the perspective of one being, one individual, multiplied by an infinite amount of beings, all in the wink of an eye.
It is like the rain cycle in perpetuity.
This cycle of life/being is one with and inside the wave of time.
The wave sweeps the entirety of the universe in a continuous becoming.
This wave of time/being always flows from the centre (Nirvana), creating material spirit time.
It is creating and destroying in a single second of existence.
Like a tidal wave with life at it's tip.
It is order and impermenance.
It just creates across the entirety of the infinite universe, in a nano second of time, and always becomes.
Always creating/containing an infinite amount of worlds in an infinite universe, always creating life capable of feeling love and hurt and ultimately of being able to gain enlightenment.
Enlightenment is the universe's way of looking at itself.
To see we are always this process and to see we are the universe.
Always created anew, to go through the life experience for infinity.
It is the biggest miracle of all.
It is, as if, it is, the first time it's happened.
As if it's the first time, that life's ever been seen.
As if it's the first time that life's ever been created.
As if it's the first time for everything.
This is where all time converges and magic mushrooms are the fruit that help us into the spiritual realm, they help us to see what time is.

Satori in a trip is possible because we are this process.
We are time/being, (Dogen, "time is being and being is time.")
The distortion of time experienced while using magic mushroom, i.e. the feeling of time being slow, or existing outside times normal linear parameters, is the beginning of the experience of satori.
whereby it is possible, to feel, to have quick glimpses of what lies inside Nirvana (No time, emptiness, never ending void, e.t.c.)
It is possible to slip further into the wave of times depths, to scratch the surface of material/spirit time, and see a sudden flash of what "no time" is.
Your still inside the wave, but, your really close to Nirvana, at his point.
Your beginning to see through, and inside the wave of time.
Us being the wave of time in all it's various states of flow (from Nirvana), gives us an insight; makes it possible to see, what lies inside, spiritual/ matter/time.
A Satori glimpse of no time, gives us an understanding of being part of something that is eternal.
So, magic mushrooms used correctly, will help you see through the wave, towards "no time".

The wave of time is only fully understood after the enlightenment experience. (having entered and become Nirvana).
It is kind of like a surfer riding a wave.
The mind fills the whole of the infinite, empty, no time experience of Nirvana, and gradually coalesces, to being a mind in a body again.
So, starting from inside the infinite unending ocean of Nirvana (enlightenment), slowly coming through the wave, (that sweeps the universe), back into the material/spiritual/time aspect of the universe once more. (kind of like a picture being deleted on an I pod; if the picture was Nirvana, and the pin prick of deletion was a person.) ((but not deleted, obvs, and it happens a bit slower))
Here is how you see how time flows.
Time moving through the universe in creation and destruction.
Creation/nature flowing in an osmosis like effect, flowing from the "no time", purity centre of Nirvana. (as nature in a waterfall of love, pixilating through everything, and you being this bright pixilating waterfall of love, that fills the whole of the universe.)
Here is how you see the convergence of time, you'll be part of the waterfall of love.
Here is how you see how the whole history of the universe, happens in the same nano second.
How you see the true oneness of being.
How you see that you are the universe.
Going through this process for eternity.
How you see that as the pureness of the universe, we are all lives and lead all possible lives for eternity.
It is being micro to macro, and macro to micro.
How you see how you are connected to every other life form that exists.
How you are every form of matter spirit.
That all life is one.

I suppose it undermines any credibility of what I'm saying, to say, that the whole unending history of times infinite past and times infinite present, just happened in the very last second, but it's true.
In the click of a finger, it all just happened, and will happen in a never ending cycle; at the crest of the wave of time.
Such is the power of the peak of the wave.
It has existed forever, and will continue to exist for ever.
There is no linear beginning of time.
The beginning of time is always this very second.
The tip of the wave is the beginning of time.
Here all time converges on never ending newness.
If you don't believe in miracles, then I can't wait for you to experience this. (I really can't explain it any better, you really just have to experience it, to understand it).

And as the wave/waterfall, you have existed for ever, (of a fashion).
Completely pure and new every time.
But, being a being, we're just a little bit muddy.
Clear the mud, reveal the purity.
See what is meant by being Buddha.

The universe is a garden, that's constantly blooming.
A world when beings begin to gain enlightenment, is like when nature creates a cherry blossom tree,
the flowers have to open to expose themselves to love.
It's the same principle for a person.
To become Nirvana, we need to expose ourselves to love, to this ultimate love that lies behind everything.
To feel this "dark love", before the absolute purity of Nirvana.
A world is like this tree coming into bloom, with people as the buds.
The buds will begin to open and gain enlightenment.
Soon the tree will come into bloom.
Our world will be blooming. (possibly, don't suppose you know which way we choose to go; till we do or don't)
A flower is delicate and needs to loose it's fear of opening.
Trust that all is love.
Because Nirvana is love, you are opening yourself to this love.
It is you, as love opening to love.
Opening to the infinite love that pervades the universe
Know the gentleness of a flower.
Feel your flower like body of petals dissolve into ultimate love.
Flower, tree, world and material universe are both male and female.
In Nirvana they are joined in purity.
In the wave of time/nature they split to create.
Being a transvestite and gaining enlightenment, is a replication of the initial creation process, in all it's levels.
It is the bringing together of the male and the female in the same body.
It is an echo of the sexual act replicating creation, but off the scale in it's magnitude.
It is the yin and the yang symbol in the same body.
The story of the universe is the male and the female splitting and joining.
Homosexuality is an integral part of the creation process. (and on this occasion, I.M.O. for all you haters who think with lines like these "There's nothing good I could think of gay people, I'd rather they never existed. It is an error of nature, an imperfection." THEN YOU DON'T KNOW DIDALLY SQUAT ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE WORKING HERE AND HOW CREATION WORKS.)
Enlightenment is the spiritual joining process for each individual.
It is part of the continuous cycle of being.
The cycle of perpetuity of the universe always becoming.
you are not trying to be something that is outside you, you are it already.
The waterfall of time/love is running through you, is you.
This Garden keeps on blooming.
It is a Garden growing flowers, and we are the flowers, and when we open we see ourselves as the universe.

(Well, least ways that's what I sees).

 

More Transvestite/goddess/Buddha type guff;
I'm trying to describe, what it's like, in more detail, the high state of spiritual consciousness, in a magic mushroom trip, immediately before it's possible to gain enlightenment.
So if you don't want to gain enlightenment, you can probably look away now.

THE ETERNAL GAME​

When we achieve this state of pureness, by entering/becoming the source (Nirvana, the infinitally pure Ocean,)
We experience the state of Buddha,
When you get up again and walk after gaining enlightenment, you have always done this as Buddha,
Whichever one of the infinite amount of planets, that a being is on, (in infinite time present and infinite time past and to come,) when a sentient being gains enlightenment, you come through he waterfall of time/ love as Buddha.
It is an infinite cycle.
It is the state of clear and undefiled mind,

It is the pure mind that fills the whole of the universe, immediately after gaining Nirvana.

It is only a name; it is only a name, for experiencing the split second of pureness after Nirvana.
During the experience of just being the unending empty purity, that is Nirvana (pureness reaching for ever, in every direction,) back to a mind that perceives.
The universal mind starts to coalesce inside Nirvana.
The universal mind fills the whole of the universe/Nirvana and reforms back, into a single mind/body/person again,
coming back out of the void.
Then you stand up again, and be like you always be, and walk like you always walk.
It is eternally walking,
Life is an eternal, getting up and walking again after gaining enlightenment.


The universe is an eternal getting up again and walking after gaining enlightenment.


You are always the universe, being a being, at the crest of the wave of time, getting up, and walking again after gaining enlightenment.

You are always a being, ​

you are always the universe, ​

you are always the game;​

The three are not separate. ​

This is what we are. (in my opinion, of course.)​

So don't let anyone tell you it's not possible to gain enlightenment,
without dedicating your life to Buddha, or that merging is some distant objective, that sounds impossible to achieve, without a lifetimes dedication.
Forget any notion of Buddha.
Your part of something that's bigger than notions,
You/we are this process.
You are the pure waterfall of love, you are the infinatally pure Ocean of Nirvana, you are the stream of life/time/being.
You/we are like a drop of rain in the rain cycle, or,
like a drop of dew, on a blade of grass, evaporating in the morning Sun,
continually part of the cycle,
As life continually flowing from Purity.
The continuous cycle of life, in the universe, mirrors the water cycle on earth,
perpetual becoming,

life continually flowing from the Ocean of purity of Nirvana,

Enlightenment is not the preserve of the dedicated few.
I managed with very little experience, (I can only guess, it was because I was so desperate, so unwilling to let this place beat me, I overcame any fear of letting go),
It's simple you just need love in your heart,
That's the heart of the matter,
Enlightenment is not the cessation of you life, it is not the culmination of and the ending of many rebirths, there are no past lives to be remembered.
It is something new every time it's done, to be achieved now, in this life.
if you let yourself be touched by the hidden pure love that lies behind and inside everything.
if you learn to accept yourself as LOVE/PURITY.