The (New) Thread of LIES!!!

my voice is so high-pitched that only the dog understands what i'm talking about

 

The fleas are eatin' me alive today, I guess I'm gonna have to get me one of them there flea collar...

 

My neck hurts.....it must be my 5lb nose ring.

 

my social skills are second to none

 

I can squeeze my big butt into jeans I wore in high school....

 

My hair is just as thick as it used to be.

 

it's getting to the point where i'll need to shave my beard

 

I make candles out of my earwax.

 

MB your earwax is amazingly dense.... the ones you sent me Xmas before last are still burning!.... amazing!!!

 

I'm happy to hear that.

 

you didn't hear it... you read it!!! your wax is too dense to hear anything! you are lucky... my earwax dribbles slowly out and trickles down my jaw line... i look like i have sideburns...

 

I can imagine that would be quite attractive......I cover my mouth and nose...BLOW...and the wax shoots out my ears.

 

I would love one of your earwax candles MB....^^made me laugh^^

 

Would you like me to ship some to you?.....I have a special right now 2 for $19.95....matches included.

 

That would be lovely, I'll put the check in the mail today...

 

you can count me in

 

Some one scratched my Lamborghini today

 

it was me..I also took a piss on the drivers seat

 

I've called Interpol....
They're on their way

 

I just ate a gallon of ice cream for breakfast....;-)