The real 100+ sex partners thread

You're assuming I'm high and mighty without even reading it? Or, you did read it, but feel the way I wrote was condescending?

Let me ask: do you want honesty and open communication to work things out so that we can come to a better understand of each others positions?

I'm open to communication. If something I said bothered you, tell me what it is and I'll do my best to re-word it, or explain more clearly. Believe me, I don't in any way feel superior to anyone else on this board. I am not here to look down on anyone. The reason I joined this forum is to have fun talking with like-minded people, to educate, and to learn from others.

If this forum is full of snark and people are here only to one up each other, I'll be outta here soon enough.

 

Wow, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with American women! I hope that I can be a model for helping you to change your mind that we are all not like that.

If this was in college though, I'm not surprised there was a lot of childish games and backstabbing. I didn't actually go to college in the US, but I think I can imagine it from what I've seen on TV and what I know of the culture.

I've actually never been to any swing parties in the US. I've been living in Tokyo for the past twenty years, and all of my experiences have been here, so they are very different from yours. I've never seen women competing for men's attention. I mostly attended couple's parties where everyone was either married or in a serious relationship. The other group I was a member of were all singles, but we were all friends outside of that, so it wasn't competitive.

I don't blame you for dropping out of that. I wouldn't have wanted to have any part in it. Competition is lame.

 

At my school, reality was actually worse than most of the movies, when I was there. You know, there are limits to what they can show in an R-rated film! And also, you can't go too far with offending American audiences in realistically depicting hedonistic attitudes, if you want to sell a lot of movie tickets. We crossed every line and broke every rule we could think of.
:reddevil:

I'll look forward to reading more of your stories in other threads.

I actually stuck with it for quite a while. I can be quite stubborn when I need to be. Also, I felt that the guys were handling the situation very well.

We have all kinds of people here. Some members have a lot to offer. Others are best ignored. And sometimes, you may find yourself strongly disagreeing with someone in one subject area while strongly agreeing with them on an unrelated topic. I hope you stick around a while.

Well, I guess it's time for me to start working on those survey questions in the OP. I'm going to skip over a few of them, for various reasons.

 

I think the number of people who are promiscuous and don't want to "find somebody" pales in comparison to the number of people who are promiscuous because they haven't found somebody. I think people with your attitude/lifestyle Karen, are 1% of the already small subset of people who engage in very promiscuous lifestyles. There's a loooooot of "sluts" out there who are only playing the part because they think it will land them true love in the end, secretely, deep down inside. But it's glamorized in the media and its the cool hip thing for young people to do, so they get in the lifestyle, they sleep around all through college, but they feel empty inside and not satisfied with the lifestyle, not because there's anything wrong with the lifestyle, but because that's actually not what they wanted at all, all along.

You can usually tell who is truly promiscuous and who is playing the part when they don't get what they want. Turning down a promiscuous girl means she will say "your loss, take care" and move on to the next dude . . . the conflicted ones get very hurt that you won't have sex with them or give them that kind of attention.

That could also be ego on their part though, as in egotistical promiscuous girls and really chill promiscuous girls . . . I'm just trying to reconcile my life experiences with what I read in threads like this so i'm throwing out some ideas. I'm very interested in this lifestyle but i'm very NOT interested in the lifestyle that you avoided in college, with the backstabbing and the not being able to trust anybody. I was friends with some girls who lived this way and it was very, very ugly. They are all alone now and only pray for male attention wherever they can get it. So these "success stories" are interesting to me, i've only seen the bad side of it, and that from a good distance away.

I also agree with Faelix that prostitutes will only create further isolation and loneliness for their customers; thats not true human connection, that's a cold hard flesh for cash transaction between strangers.

"I'm in a non-monogamous polyamorus relationship with a man who is married. His wife also has a partner. My boyfriend is bi, and he has some same sex partners, but I am is only other female partner apart from his wife. I don't currently have any other partners. I'm sorta, kinda looking for a gf, but it's really tough since most girls who are into girls aren't interested in a bi girl who has a regular male partner. I met my bf on OKCupid, if you can believe that! LOL"\

I met my gf on Okcupid too been together over 2 years now.

 

Noooo . Lol.

 

I have some experience with prostitutes and that's not always the case. The experience can vary greatly from girl to girl. Both the OP and I have actually dated prostitutes. It all just depends.

 

I don't know of any way to come up with those percentages, but I do remember conversations I had with my two closest friends about this, at the time we were going to these parties every weekend. We didn't think there was any chance of getting a lasting relationship out of it. That was supposed to come later, after all the wild stuff was over, and we were further along in our academic careers. We were emulating what we thought was a typical guy's approach to being young and single.

One of my friends put it this way, after one especially intense, crazy weekend of sex and drugs: "Well, I guess you know that we can never admit to any of this when we get old." And she was pretty much right, I don't talk openly about those weekends to anyone I know in real life, except with a very small number of old friends that I trust 100%.

Hopefully, most of them figure it all out by the end of their freshman year. That's the big year of experimentation, for a lot of people. Four years is a long time to go down a dead-end road.

The people I never did figure out were the ones who were regulars at the BDSM parties. I was afraid of that. I visited one time, for the longest 20 minutes of my life. What do those people want? I have no clue.

That seems true, in most cases. If I was flirting with a guy at a party and found out he didn't really want to do anything fun, my main reaction was that I had been wasting my time, and needed to move on. If you didn't want to play the game, you were irrelevant to me.

I've seen that happen too. Some girls take the slightest hint of rejection very personally, especially under the influence of various combinations of drugs and alcohol.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't go to those things to meet other girls, and was usually able to greatly limit my interactions with them. Once I had a few friends to depend on, I could focus the rest of my attention on the guys. Drama queens were to be avoided at all costs.

In fiction, I've often seen college hookup parties depicted as very dangerous, where every female is at a high risk for rape or other violence at all times. In four years time, I only ran across two events where I picked up on a bad vibe like that; I didn't stick around long enough to find out if I was right or wrong. In most cases, most of the guys seemed overly protective. They realized that if the wild party girls didn't feel safe at their events, we wouldn't come back next week, and their fun times would be over. If one guy got too drunk and started bothering one of the girls, he would quickly find himself surrounded by guys who were ready to do whatever was needed to make the problem go away. I saw a few guys get punched, but it was rare.

Prostitution only works well if the customer fully understands what he's getting for his money, and is totally okay with the deal. I think some guys are fooling themselves.

 

May I ask, on what do you base this estimation? I ask because I've been involved in the swinging, kink and poly communities for over 15 years now, and I'd say pretty much every person I've ever met (and that is a lot of people) could be described by what you are claiming is the 1%.

We might not be talking about the same communities, though. I'm speaking of people who refer to themselves as "lifestylers", who are usually married (but some are single) and pursue swinging or kink or poly as part of their regular lifestyle. It's a mindset or a way of thinking, and some people even refer to it as a sexual orientation. This continues for pretty much their entire life. Though I don't swing any more, I still consider myself a lifestyler, because of the way view sex hasn't really changed. I'm still non-monogamous, the only thing that changed is that I got older and more picky, and then found someone I'm really happy with.

You might just be talking about random women who have a lot of hookups. I can't really speak about that, since I know only a few women who are like that. However, I will say that of the few I know, none of them are promiscuous because they haven't ever found love. The women I know who are very sexually active are so because they like sex A LOT and are quite capable of seperating sex and love. One of my friends actually is married, but she has such a raging libido that her husband just turns a blind eye. Another girl I know is only slutty in between her serious relatoinships. Yeah...she just likes sex!

Huh. This is very interesting to me. I have to say, I really don't know much about what is going on in American culture. I only visit once a year or even less, and I don't really watch American TV or fluff magazines, I only read newspapers and news magazines since I really don't have much interest in pop culture in general. But from what I can glean (correct me if I'm wrong) being a "slut" is still looked down on, and women who are openly promiscuous can expect men in the general population to be rather abusive towards them. That is, treat them badly, speak of them in a degrading fashion, just use them for sex and behave in a generally hypcritical, misogynistic manner.

In contrast, the men (and women) I have known who are "lifestylers" are all exteremely open minded, accepting, and non-judgmental. I only date within that community and generally ignore messages from the general population of men since they seem to think "polyamorus" means "stupid" and "undiscriminating".

Of course, there are some lifestylers who are less than friendly and/or competitive, and generally not NICE. But I don't think it's the majority...at least, it hasn't been in my personal experience.

It depends on the girl. I have been freinds with sex workers, and I dated a Japanese male porn start for a couple of years. They crave human connection just like the rest of us. People find all different levels of emotional connection satisfying. You really just don't know. I think it's better to ask the individual how they personally feel than make assumptions based on what could be erroneous beliefs that based on stereotypes.

 

How many partners have you been with? More than enough to qualify me for posting in this thread.
Is it an estimate or did you keep track? Estimate.
If it is an estimate, when did you stop counting? Second year of college.
Do you regret any of it? How many bad experiences did you have? I wouldn't change anything that I did. Every experience is a part of making you who you are. Whenever you deal with people, there are going to be issues. I haven't gone through anything terrible.
Do you sometimes question your lifestyle? I often re-evaluate things, and make adjustments as needed. Times, circumstances, and people change.
How have you met most of your partners? More than half were on a college campus. Some were friends of friends. Very few bar pickups.
What is your sexual orientation? Bisexual, leaning about 80% straight.
How old are you? Old enough to not want to answer this question. Let's just say, I remember sex before HIV.
Are you a swinger, cuckold/hotwifer, bull, john, sex worker etc.? Are you into bukkakes, group sex or gangbangs? In college, I did mostly hookups with some group sex and gangbangs. Later, I tried being an escort and ended up being a mistress for years. After doing basic monogamy with a few guys in recent years, I have only done partner swapping with one couple.
Are you in a relationship? Of what kind? How did you meet your partner(s)? Married, with a closed poly relationship with one other couple. We fuck as a group and as separate couples, and I fuck the other wife. I've known her since college. The guys don't do each other.
If you don't have a partner, do you wish you could have one? Do you feel empty sometimes?
Do you have children? No, not interested.
Are you low, middle, or upper income? Upper middle.
What are you politically? Liberal Democrat.
What do you do to protect yourself against STDs and pregnancy? Birth control pills; currently, no need for STD protection in our closed relationship group.
Have you ever been at risk of violence from cruising for sex? All women are at some risk for violence, away from home. I haven't had any problems.
What was the best sex you've ever had? MFFM 4-way.
How was the worst sex you've ever had? Drunks who couldn't keep their erections, but wanted to keep on trying.
Can you tell when you have sex with someone less experienced? Of course!
Do you prefer less experienced people or more? Experience is valuable and important, but cooperative virgins can be fun sometimes. Nobody ever forgets their first girl!
What do you look for in a partner? I can't answer that in a short amount of space. I'm not looking for anybody now anyway. I like what I have.
What kind of sex acts did you discover as you became more experienced? Alternate positions, oral, lesbian.
How have you changed as a person since becoming sexually experienced? I've changed in every way. I'm more realistic about life, no longer interested in religion or traditional lifestyles, and much more accepting of others. I can separate love and sex, or I can experience them together.
When did you realize you were different from most of your friends, family, and coworkers? I've never been one of those people who is quick to accept the 'standard' way of thinking about anything. Sexually, I left 'normal' in the dust early in my second year of college.
How important is sex to you in relation to other things in your life? Hard to say. It's important, for sure.
Would you die if you had to be monogamous? I've done it before. It was okay.
What`s your favorite sex act? Whichever one I'm doing.
Are you sexy as fuck? I think it's better for my partners to answer that question. I have plenty of self-confidence.

 

LOL! I'M one of 'those people' hahaha...

But I'm not sure what kind of party you're talking about. Do you mean the private play parties, the club parties, or the big events that happen a couple times a year?

You might have found it scary, but believe me, others find it exciting and erotic.

 

This was a private thing, all college students, in a place just barely off campus. I could get in only because somebody in my dorm invited me. There were several hardcore S&M scenes going on at once, and I wasn't comfortable with any of it. I don't care to associate pain with sex, unless it's very mild. I guess my brain just isn't wired that way.

It was kind of funny, because I knew that some girls on campus thought my friends and I were scary, and our parties were scary and dangerous. I guess it's all relative. At times, we got bored and tried some fairly extreme things involving exhibitionism and casual group sex, but none of it involved pain or any kind of dominant/submissive roles. Baby stuff, for BDSM veterans.

 

LOL what? How can they be competitive?, are you serious?


This one kind of gives you away:

Oh Really, no matter how hot he is? Some guy way out of your league putting pressure on you eh?

 

I must say, I'm proud of myself for not being so gullible anymore as to think that 100+ women are automatically in my corner (same with chicks who pay lip service to gender equality).

Everything else looks good on paper, the atheism and whatnot. But, as it turns out, it's still quite possible for a woman to put her pussy up on a pedestal even though she's had 100+ dicks inside it. Princess ideology knows no bounds.

I used to pick up on the Cinderella-complex red flags waaay too late in the case of 100+ dicks women, whereas with vanilla chicks I could smell it galaxies away. No more, I'm proud to report.

 

why let him upset you? and btw, people who have slept with 100+ people are in a very small minority. It is not typical. I read somewhere that the average hetero male sleeps with 9 women in their lifetime. I've slept with 10, two of whom who were prostitutes. Does that mean my lack of sexual partners makes my attitudes toward sex invalid? I don't think so and if someone else did I wouldn't care. I am not in awe or jealous of a man who slept with 100 women. If I had met the love of my life as a virgin, I could have gone my whole life with just one partner and been fine with it.

If I have one regret in this department it is that I was never anyone's first, so I never experienced having sex with a virgin.

sex isn't a contest.at least not for me, anyway. I love having sex with my wife and after 17 years the sex just keeps getting better. All the awkwardness and uncertainity of having sex with a stranger is very unappealing. Sex to me is a mystical experience.

 

blndgirl, I was definitely referring to people not in the lifestyle. I would be talking about people who are younger, still trying to figure things out in a big way. Someone who is already in the lifestyle and entrenched in all sorts of polyamory is probably right where they want to be

Karen it would be nice to hear some crazy stories, but I understand you are very private about it. I was once approached by a very petite little blonde girl on the first day of one of my years in uni . . . she was being very flirty and wanted to see if i was down to "hang out" right now . . . what threw me off was there was literally 9 or 10 very athletic and good looking guys attached to her hip, all looking around a little sheepishly and impatiently, all following her and not saying a word to each other . . . I think she was going around campus recruiting able bodied men for a gangbang on the first day of school . . . wish I asked her but at the time I was shyer.

 

She hasn't yet fully realized what happens when a forum is open to the entire English-speaking population of the world. Extreme diversity is inevitable. It takes some getting used to.

You see, this is a lot like what I was talking about earlier, the girls at the parties who couldn't get along, even though there was no apparent reason for them to disagree. The two of you agree on the most important things here. Your real enemies are the people who would like to see society put an end to everything that isn't traditional monogamy. Can't you both see that?

Well, when you're a part of a social group or private club that handles certain things very differently from the mainstream, feeling a little different seems inevitable. I don't know how you could avoid that. I do feel a little bad for people who are trapped in a social system that isn't a good fit for them, just because they think they have no alternative. I've had more choices, but it was more luck than anything else. I got randomly assigned to the wildest dorm on campus, where I was surrounded by hedonists.

Even when a woman tries hard to agree with Cherea, he has a negative reaction. He can't tolerate any of us being on his side. That's why I didn't post in the thread until it evolved beyond just his opinions.

I have posted quite a few, as far back as 2009, in various threads.

I know the stereotype is that girls like her only fuck athletes, but it isn't always true.

 

Lol, I read that too and did a double take. But whatever....

You can answer the questions. There have been a couple people with less than 100 partners that went ahead and answered anyways. I never got the impression that this was supposed to be an exclusive club. I don't really like clubs anyways, so you can take my spot if you like.

 

Yeah, I think they said the average was 9 for men and 4 for women. But I don't know what pool of people they surveyed, cause I think the female average is considerably higher than reported in that survey. I know a lot of girls from my generation have had more than 4 partners.

 

maybe 4 is the average number that they tell people. like that girl i knew who told everyone she had slept with 9 guys for as long as i knew her, even though she had about 5 boyfriends during that time.

 

Lol, yeah I've heard about applying the curve for female sexual partners. What is it... N = (age x .5) + number of partners given?