the tell a lame-ass joke thread

bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaha that picture is so good.

oh jokes are great.

 

My all-time favorite joke:

Q: What is brown and sticky?





A: A Stick.

 

stick joke, page 1
oh dear Howl! You've been awarded the cosmic haddock slap across the face for not reading the thread properly!


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yes, that scatalogical nightmare picture is a masterpiece of live satirical sculpture.


~

 

Yeah, my mate up in Auckland used to love telling this joke in the darkroom back in Highschool. It's painfully bad and a bit long. WARNING: It's so not funny that it's actually not funny!

A guy walks into a bar and everyone turns to look at him, this may be because he is wearing an Armani suit and has wads of cash in his hand; it may be because he is surrounded by beautiful, beautiful women; or it could just be because half of his head happens to be an orange.
He walks up the the barman and before he can order his drink the barman babbles with admiration
"How do you do it! Half your head is an orange! With a disability like that how can it be that you're rich and surrounded with these gorgeous girls?"
The orange-headed man explains that once he was poor and stranded alone on a beach when he found a lamp, and rubbing it produced a genie who would grant him three wishes. The orange-headed man says:

First I wished for an infinite supply of cash at my disposal.

Second I wished to be surrounded by beautiful women all day and night long.

...and lastly, I wished that half my head was an orange.

There. Now you all want to hunt my mate down and kill him, right? I must warn you, he's an animator... ...he has cartoon minions!

Also, the seagull returning from the library is still my favourite! And the picture of the poo on stilts was cute. I drew one last semester when I asked "Frozenmoonbeam" what I should draw in my book, but mine pales in comparison.

 

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"



Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

 

HAHAHA THAT LAST ONE WAS AWESOME.

I have an amazing joke about a tram conductor. But its really long so next time I see any of you, I'll tell you face to face.

 

what's small and brown and crawls up your leg?













a homesick poo.




man, there's just something about poo that is very funny.

 

what's small and red and goes up and down?




a cranberry in an elevator.




How does a blind parachutist tell when the ground is getting near?



the guide dog leash goes slack.

 

Why does Snoop need an umbrella?



Fo'drizzle!

 

ahahha, omg, thats so lame.

yus...

 

there's two tall trees growing in a forest and then one day they look down and a small sapling has sprung up between them. one tree says to the other "is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" and the other tree says "man, I don't know."
Then their friend Mr Woodpecker comes along and lands on the sapling and so one tree says to him "Hey Mr Woodpecker, you're a tree expert, is that sapling a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" and the woodpecker pecks at the tree and tastes a little bit and then says:
"Its neither a son of a beech nor the son of a birch. But it is the tastiest piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in."



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath.

This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

:O! My heritage!!

Nah just kidding, that was awesome funny!
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A polar bear goes into a bar and says: "Can I have a gin and .....









..... tonic, please?"


The barman serves him and asks: "Why the big pause?"

The polar bear says: "Don't know, I've always had them!"

 

ahaha,
what sound is made by two drums and a cymbal falling off a hill?


ba dom cshh!

 

where do u find a dog with no legs?

where you left it.

 

*snort*

that's quite, quite funny.

 

A young women was lying on the hospital bed delivering her baby.
"Just one more push" said the Doctor.
At that moment the Women Sneezed and out shot the baby.
The Doctor caught the baby and started to twirl it around his head by the umbilical cord and dribbling it on the floor.
The women looked at at the Doctor with a wide mouth and a confused angry look on her face.
The Doctor looked back and said "Just kidding, it was already dead."

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And yes. Tonight was funny. Sitting around at uni, noticing that "beer can" sounded like a jamaican saying 'bacon'. That is the funniest thing i have come across in a while! Just say it, go on! You know you wanna.

 

this was from the love and sex board...

A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.

The Nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets of at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it's way the bus driver says to the hippie, "if you want I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know so the bus driver tells him that the every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," said the bus driver(male), "you could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

Well the Hippie decides to try this out so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun and right on schedule the nun shows up. When she's in the middle of praying the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first."

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the nun. After the Hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!!"

The nun replied by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!!!"

 

hahahahahaha( thats was Funny )

you want a lame joke..........

what do you get when an elephant sneezes?

get out of the way.

now is that lame or what

 

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other??

See you next month, baby