Too Smart ... Too Pretty

Suncatch - your opening quote may never have been said to you (or anyone else), but I am sure a lot of dickhead guys have thought that women they met were too smart to be their girlfriends, or too pretty to be smart. They just don't have the balls to say it.

 

Physical and mental traits tend to come out in the personality.

 

someone once told me a very long time ago that when a dude says you are too good for him (too pretty, too smart, whatever) he is telling you the truth. You are too good for him and you should keep your guard up and keep looking around for the right guy. Not all men feel they are stupid and ugly or intimidated by a capable woman. Not all men like dumb girls, but a few actually do. Not all people treat every relationship as some sort of sick competition that they have to always win. Once you heal yourself a bit more, you will find you associate with fewer emotionally unhealthy people. (((hugs)))

 

Yeah, I agree with you, mamaboogie. There ARE decent people out there. I've met a few. However, they seem to be rare ... mostly individuals who live on the fringes of categorization and don't seem to have prescribed gender roles built into their views of other people.
In other words, people who look at other people as people rather than as Men or as Women.

I have seen a really weird dichotomy in society, including the media. Girls seem to have to choose whether they want to be smart or pretty, even (and especially) when they are both. The pretty ones tend to be favored and the smart ones tend to become targets ... maybe because they are feared?
As a female who (has been told, at least, that she) is both, it's been 'pretty' difficult for me to watch and be involved firsthand in this.
One girl (the blonde, miniskirt-and-Ugg-boot-wearing, seemingly airheaded girl one ex left me for) sat down with me, brushed her bangs and persona aside, and said, "You know, even though I'm smart, long ago I decided to build my identity around being pretty because I knew I could get what I wanted that way ... and I never wanted to suffer the way girls like you do."
That really happened, Cutted, as did the opening scenario. (I wish I WAS a liar ...) And it shook me pretty significantly.

I wanted to know what other people had to say about it, but the feedback seemed a little muddled to me at first. Thanks!

 

I think you have a semi-warpoed view of this
you are looking at it too closely, step back a bit
it's not nearly as black and white as you think

 

I know. I just know that to describe ALL the facets of the problem would be bigger than a single thread topic could possibly cover.

 

Being negative all the time attracts the wrong sort of people into your life. There are good, honest, decent people in the world. I believe the majority of people are good and decent, actually. And it's funny that since I stopped thinking all people sucked, those good and decent people have chosen me to be their friend, and I don't see very many of those toxic sorts anywhere, anymore. For me, it was a dietary allergen/sensitivity causing me to be pissed off at the world all the time. It never occurred to me that everyone and everything didn't really suck, that the problem might be inside myself, but it was.

 

I don't think everyone sucks -- my problem is that I think I suck.

 

awh, no everyone sucks

I think what everyone should realize (or maybe even be taught) is that noone in life is better or worse than anyone one else
even some idol like Ghandi or Martin Luther King is only human like you and me and anyone can be just like them if they really try (and really wanna)

my saying is 'everyone sucks, but at least that way noone gets left out'
which is kinda just like a less serious way of pointing out that no matter how it seems we are all equal


also, I agree with mamaboogie
you should be a more positive person, it attracts other positive people
I'm in no way a religious or spiritual nut, but people definently emit/sense a sort of energy to/from other people
and unlike electritcity, similars tend to attract more
if you are going to be cynical - be cynical in a positive way (i.e. humor)
express your criticism and doubts in ways that it does not affect your mood or energy or what not

 

The thing is, no one on here (except Ashblessing) knows me in real life, so they only see what I type here, and it's subject to personal interpretation.
I AM a pretty funny person, and tender, and all that stuff -- I'm by no means dour. The worst thing people notice about me is that I worry a lot, but even that I pass off as humor ... it takes getting to know me to realize it actually IS worry and not just light self-deprecating humor

Like, my signature ... that's meant to be wry, and if you heard me say it in my own voice you would probably smile.

 

I found it as funny

everyone bothers me about how I don't know them in real life
but generally, I can read people pretty good from online (met quite a few in real life)

and you don't have to be 'dour' on the out to be 'dour' on the in (and 'dour'? thass such an ugly word)

generally, your online self is the same as your real-life self, just warped a bit

 

I dont get it.....

 

Sounds like something a male chauvinist would say when he feels threatened by a woman he finds attractive. Next time you see him ask him to repeat the following....

WE TODD DID....
I AM SOFA KING...
WE TODD DID...

he'll feel even more stupid after that.

 

Thanks, Zanarkand ... I appreciate the humor

And no, Duck. I am not DOUR on the in. I'm actually an optimist who's been through Hell ... I want to believe in nice people but WHOA!